Come ON, Angie. Now you're just teasing us. After countless denials, brush-offs on CNN, and a downright refusal to fess up already, Miss Jolie showed up at the Independent Spirit Awards wearing a dress so tight we could practically see the alleged twinset kicking their way through her pretty tummy. The black form-fitting gown she wore was hardly maternity wear, and made a point to tell us that we are suckers and she is crafty. Not quite an Eff You to the press, but rather a subtle "I Know You Know What I Know" kind of gesture. Personally, we don't think Angie's obligated to shout her knocked up news from the rooftops, and we actually applaud Mrs. Jolie-Pitt's brazenly ostentatious visual shout-out. Click through to see those future Chosen Ones up close and personal.

For every swan dress there is a fire engine red body-hugger worn by the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, or one of those golden sparkle-y things that just melts all over Halle Berry's body. To prove we're not just big meanies when it comes to discussing Oscar outfits of yesterday, we've put together our Top Ten picks for the most exclamatory, drop-dead dresses ever worn on an Oscar red carpet, and even redeemed one member of the Worst Club by placing her at the shiny top of our Best-Dressed cake.

Jennifer Lopez has reportedly sold the US rights to exclusive pictures of her twinset to People for a rumored $6 million, beating the record formerly held by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Plus, Lopez will also receive an undisclosed sum from OK! for international rights. But why so much moolah for J. Lo? How can her spawn possibly be worth more than The Chosen One (whose baby pics were purchased by People for $4.1 million)? As Flavor Flav and those guys from the Coors Light commercials would say: TWINS!

Whether or not Gil Cates is able to pull any tricks from his rumpled sleeves to make this year's Oscar ceremony watchable, there'll be at least one event next weekend guaranteed to get the town buzzing. Us Weekly is reporting that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be attending a pre-Oscar bash that sworn enemy Jennifer Aniston has also RSVP'd to. You know what this means, people. We're talking catfights, Hills-like confrontations and revenge tattoos galore. At least that's what we're hoping for.

How many times will it take for the tabloids to breathlessly declare wedding plans for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt before they realize there's simply no there there? Officially marking the umpteenth time a "source" has claimed the power couple are leaving the Goldie/Kurt School of Long-Term Relationship Success, the National Enquirer is now stating that "Brad proposed again after they discovered they were having twins" and that Angelina "has decided to follow her heart." But before we start envisioning Angelina's maternity wedding dress or how the pair might exchange rings under an African canopy made of recycled diapers and clean needles, let's take a walk down memory lane to see how the tabloids have reported on Brangelina wedding claims over the years:

Having dispensed with ten or so totally boring minutes discussing the plight of millions of Iraqi refugees with U.N. Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie, CNN correspondent Arwa Damon felt that she'd established enough of a rapport to end their conversation by finally broaching the only subject the network's viewers really care about: "Hey, Angie, are you all knocked up with Brad's beautiful twinsies or what?" From CNN's transcript of Jolie's interview on the refugee crisis:

Now for a long-overdue Angelina TattooWatch update: With whispers of a twins pregnancy, Jolie's lower-belly tattoo will likely be exposed to more distention than ever, requiring perhaps a lengthening of its current sacred text. (May we suggest, "Aniston! Pregnant me again—only this time it's twins! :D" surrounded by a Chinese fertility dragon?) Meanwhile, we defy you to differentiate the real back tattoos from the temporary ones added for her role as Fox, the assassin with a soft spot for semiautomatic artillery and adorable Third World orphans, in the upcoming Wanted. [Daily Mail]

• Britney Spears is in a padded room, deemed by a court-appointed lawyer too crazy to understand her own case, but the judge wants to check with a doctor to be extra sure she's mentally unfit because apparently he doesn't have access to television, print media, the Internet, radio or anyone who has consumed any news whatsoever at any point in the past two years.

All you needed to do was take one look at Angelina Jolie's SAG Awards gown, a billowy sail of silk charmeuse that could have easily smuggled a schoolhouseful of multicultural toddlers, to wonder if the actress wasn't perhaps camouflaging something beneath all of that fabric. The world, of course, was not caught entirely off guard: News of a possibly Jolie-Pitt twins pregnancy inched its way up the tabloid totem last week, up from the paparazzi blogosphere, into the pages of supermarket literature, and now arriving in the semi-legitimate pages of Us Weekly:

As much as we have tried to express restraint in the latest episode of Jolie Wombwatch, these photos of Angelina sans bubbly at last night's SAGs are hard to look at without a raised eyebrow or two. Sure, we sometimes drink water at parties, but that's mainly because we're broke and don't feel like spending 18 bucks on a sip of cheap champagne. So, with that in mind, let's recap the facts that we know up to this point: Angie was wearing a muumuu, the Pitt-Jolies can afford champagne, and water does a pregnant body good. We entered these facts into our trusty supercomputer and the results came back with 90% certainty that Mrs. Jolie-Pitt will soon be buying a few of those trendy expandable waisted Seven jeans at Kitson (as long as no animals, babies, or trees were harmed during the manufacturing process, that is).

The rackalicious, curvalicious and usually teensy-waisted Angelina Jolie wore, for the first time in years, a real live muumuu to last night's SAG Awards, adding a bit more plausibility to all those rampant 'preggers with twins' rumors. Wearing a strapless vintage Hermes floaty number and clutching Brad's arm all the way down the red carpet, any signs of the pillow-lipped Perfect 10 bod were literally camouflaged (those brown, beige and gray shades would work well in Iraq) by a dress so long and wide that anyone stepping within ten feet of the (possible) new mother of twins would have slipped on its spacious circumference. Even more suspicious? Her decision to carry a shawl, lest anyone dare take note of her newly plump arms.

• Angelina Jolie wore this hideous Hermès dress to the Screen Actors Guild Awards, even though they're the new Oscars, and so now everyone thinks she's pregnant. [LA Times, Mail]

Late yesterday, we expressed some healthy skepticism about x17online's claim that an "inside source" had exclusively—exclusively!—revealed to them that Angelina Jolie, in her latest extravagant act of generosity to a world desperately in need of the salvation that only her womb can provide, had decided to become pregnant with twins, providing Chosen One Shiloh with the much-needed back-up the genetically perfect, anointed toddler will need to carry out her future missions of mercy across the globe.

Reluctant as we are to fall headlong into the gurgling, powder-scented embrace of any celebrity baby news delivered to us Xclusively by the suspicious-item blogging arm of international paparazzi outfit X17, their report that globe-traipsing orphanologist Angelina Jolie is heavy with not one but two biological offspring (Brad Pitt's two-headed fish can swim!) seemed to us almost too exciting a possibly-true story not to pass along to our readers:

This year's Oscar nominations produced an equally noteworthy list of omissions who'll be quietly turned away at the Kodak Theater doors, should a ceremony ever materialize. (Tazering to follow if they get insistent.) Our analysis of the 2008 Snubees:

· Click the above image for our video recap of last night's various acts of talk-show-host facial hair removal, in which a unibrow is plucked, a Moses-beard shredded, and a drifter-thicket shaved. At least Conan still seems committed to resisting the siren call of his razor until his writers return.
· The Carpetbagger finds the Golden Globes credentialing desk to be the loneliest place in the world.
· In this case at least, The Spy Who Licked Me doesn't refer to some kind of pornographic reimagining of 007's adventures in Her Majesty's sexy service.
· Somehow, we forgot that it's Zahara's birthday. The middle children always get lost in the shuffle.

What kind of Bizarro Hollywood are we living in, where the Critics' Choice Awards could very well become one of the crowning moments of the 2008 awards season? We've never been so desperately in need of the SAGgies in all our lives! But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First, a round-up of last night's delightfully well-attended Broadcast Film Critics Association honors:
· No Country For Old Men took the most trophies—whose design fittingly looks like some kind of torture device Anton Chigurh might use—including Picture, Director, and Supporting actor. Juno and Hairspray took two lesser awards each. Daniel Day-Lewis and Julie Christie took Actor and Actress, respectively. [AP]
· The last stars to arrive were also the biggest: George Clooney, then Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, who managed to pry Angelina away from reporters before she could tell them about her desire to adopt America Ferrera, or any of this year's other Golden Globes orphans. [The Envelope]

When news broke yesterday that the moviegoers of this great nation of ours had voted Lindsay Lohan's dead-stripper turn in "I Know Who Killed (My Career)" as the single worst performance of Anno Domini 2007, our reaction was laced with both sadness and shock. Sadness because we all long for days when the frecklecrotched wonder's biggest problem was her slightly jiggly thighs, shock because we could think of no fewer than six and no greater than seven performances that were CLEARLY worse than Lindsay's. What follows, dear friends, is that list (in descending order, no less)!

While CBS has yet to announce their inevitable take on the tragic demise of Benazir Bhutto, leading to employment windfalls for Kim Delaney and Edward James Olmos, with a special appearance by Meredith Baxter as Sen. Hillary Clinton, a Pakistani film studio has announced that they would be producing their own version of the story. Calls into Angelina Jolie's agents revealed that while they were "unaware of the project," it was "fairly safe to say" their client would be playing the lead. [THR]

Angelina Jolie can add another superlative feather in her cap: she's a poll-topper in the all-important Best Celebrity Humanitarian of 2007 caucus. Voters chose the adoptive mother of several Third World tykes specifically because they believe her charitable efforts not to be a calculated effort to land atop the very Best Celebrity Humanitarian poll. From the Reuters report: