• Ellen DeGeneres is in a car crash (not caused by paparazzi, for once), making for excellent online advertising opportunities. [TMZ]
• Lloyd Grove survives Labor Day, reports that Jessica Simpson is even more of a whore than previously believed. The melanin princess collected assloads of swag and a $50K Chrysler convertible — though the latter will be donated to charity, as homegirl doesn't drive domestic. [Lowdown]
• The New York Public Library and fashion don't mix. Specifically, literacy clashes with Anna Wintour's McQueen tartans. [Page Six]
• Showgirls scribe Joe Eszterhas goes out on a limb and calls Val Kilmer an "imbecile" and Michael Douglas "not brilliant." [R&M]
• Julia Roberts' BO would be a standout contribution to the world of celebrity perfumes. [Page Six]

• Lloyd Grove takes a fairly exhaustive look at what it's like to be Jessica Simpson at the VMAs. It kind of makes you sick, but then so did Dukes of Hazzard. [Lowdown]
• Then on Page Six there's the whole VMA pre- and post-party gossip rundown, which is almost as boring and lackluster as the actual VMAs. [Page Six]
• Anna Wintour's boyfriend's daughter gets a promotion at Vogue Vanity Fair (Like you're not totally lazy at your job?!). Is it still nepotism if you're not related except by gross, old person casual sex? [Page Six]
• Will Harry Morton propose to Lindsay Lohan? Will Lindsay Lohan accept? Will that rash ever clear up? [TMZ]
• A restaurateur in the Hamptons rescues Susan Lucci from a flooded convertible. Some fat lady in the midwest is so happy she's throwing a party for her million cats. [R&M, 2nd Item]

• Lindsay's "friend" swears up and down that Lohan is off the nose candy. Just because she's not doing it with you, honey... [Gatecrasher]
• Anna Wintour's interior designer/party planner David Monn has dared to ditch the Vogue editor. After two years of designing her precious Costume Insitute Gala, Monn didn't get so much as a namecheck in the latest Vogue write-up, so he dumped Wintour from his client list. Hellfire, brimstone TK. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty has been arrested again for possession. This has to be some sort of record, either for drug arrests or utter stupidity. [RS]
• Samantha Cole, the other questionable lady who once slept with Christie Brinkley's philandering hubby Peter Cook, still can't parlay her revived infamy into getting her CD played at a club. [R&M (2nd to last)]
• It's official: the Hoff is a single man. Why are your pants still on?? [Us Weekly]
• Paris Hilton does shots of water, because she hates the taste of alcohol. Besides, she's just as wasted when she's drinking water. [TMZ]
• The secret to a thriving PR company? Cocaine. Not just for your clients, but for yourself. Yay! [Page Six]

What wonders occur at the doors of 4 Times Square? A spy reports on a magical, holiday moment from yesterday afternoon:

Is there anything quite so exciting as the idea of her Vogueness Anna Wintour conducting a makeover? Of course, the makeover isn't for some woefully unpretty soul that the editor may have taken pity on; it's for Wintour's office, her gleaming white power cave. Apparently the set designer for Devil Wears Prada got things a little too right, as Meryl Streep's on-screen office so closely resembled that of the totally-not-an-inspiration Wintour that, according to a Vogue spokesperson, the space "ceased to feel personal." And we just know how important personal touches are to Wintour — a cross-stitched pillow here, a Precious Moments figurine there. Should be fabulous.

• Boy reporter Gabe Sherman bids farewell to the Observer, leaving Off the Record a little more empty and the comics a little more funny. [NYO]
• Only in the hipper enclaves of Brooklyn can one live in a non-residential building, refuse to pay rent, and not be considered a freeloading squatter. That said, we're still completely jealous. [VV]
• Paris Hilton ignites a low speed car chase, gets off with a warning. [TMZ]
• Project Runway has elevated Parsons' status and made Tim Gunn into some sort of molassess-throated demi-god. [Inside Higher Ed]
• Toby Young will bash Vanity Fair at any chance he gets. Even if it means doing a podcast. [CultureCatch]
• A CVS in Ocean City is almost as frustratingly retarded as any Duane Reade in Manhattan. [Muk Report]
• Bids on a photograph of Kimora Lee Simmons kissing Oscar de la Renta start at $625 — having Anna Wintour in the background jacked up the price. [Animal]
• Just because: Pat O'Brien's girlfriend's blog. If you remember Betsy being "so motherfucking hot," this may have some degree of relevance to you. Or not. [B for Betsy via TWS]
• New York just has, like, this vibe, you know? Like this positivity and DJs and shit. [NME]

• We didn't realize anyone gave this much of a shit about Vibe, even the people who work(ed) there. [HuffPo]
• Apparently it's Vogue Editor Anna Wintour's fault that rich folks aren't buying million dollar boats the way they used to. Well, her or Meryl Streep, it's hard to tell, since the premise of this article is so incredibly tenuous. [Reuters]
• Sunday Styles' "Modern Love" column now available for its natural audience: illiterates. [NYT]

We are not shy about our interest in Vogue editor Anna Wintour, whose mystery, influence, and frigid thighs always entertain our fascination with the macabre. But everyone has a limit, and the Devil Wears Prada-inspired scrutiny of Wintour may be ours. Case in point: David Carr (in a column that could only be explained by a daughter dragging him to the film) reminds us today that the editor depicted in Prada is not like Wintour; that Wintour is powerful and has powerful friends; that you can't kill her, you only make her stronger. And if you can handle it, add to these surprising revelations one more epiphany: "Powerful women in the media always get inspected more thoroughly than their male counterparts." Sigh. Hence the column, David?

The following just landed in the Gawker mailbag:

Page Six reports today that at Monday night's CFDA awards, Lindsay Lohan got up to use the bathroom six times in a mere two hours. Unfortunately, Lohan was sitting at HRH Anna Wintour's table, and everyone knows how Anna prefers that her guests remain very, very still. Wintour reportedly told a staffer, "Tell her, if she gets up one more time, she will never be invited to one of my events again," and then asked Lohan's walker, Karl Lagerfeld, to "control" the young star's behavior.

Here's a snip from a model call sheet being circulated to talent agencies today by our pals at Getty Images. (Are they threatening to sue us, too? It's getting so hard to keep track.) It's amusing enough to read the specifics of their politically correct tableau vivant — Latinos can be elite VPs, too! — and consider the possibility of "a nicer Lizzie Grubman." But here's what we're really wondering: Has anyone broken the news to Anna Wintour that she's black?

• In honor of the devil's big day, Maxim declares that as Satan, Katie Couric deserves to be their girl of the day. [Maxim]
• Maybe we're just slaphappy — no, we're definitely just slaphappy — but we cannot stop laughing at this stupid video. You know some lonely little gay is so in love with Anna Wintour that he spent an entire week locked in his parents' basement, creating this homage for the one he loves. It's sad and completely hysterical. [YouTube]
• If you want to smoke outside on the Maritime's patio, you must be sitting down. No standing — your lungs can't handle the strain. [HotelChatter]
• The Bulgarian Bar is back! Re-opening party to be hosted by Ariel Kaminer! [Gogol Bordello]
• The Wall Street Journal declares Philly home of the cheesecake. [Philadelphia Will Do]
• When MySpace wrongs you, upload hardcore pornography. [Consumerist]
• You don't want to know this, but the truth will set you free: Janice Dickinson spent three days in a hotel room fucking Dolph Lundgren and Grace Slick. OK, we lied. The truth will just make you a little sick. [Cityrag]
• Tricia Romano crawls deep inside Mr. Black's ass. [VV]
• And don't forget, today is the National Day of Slayer. Celebrate by rocking the fuck out with the angel of death. [NDS]

PETA, never to leave a protest opportunity unexploited, took their pleather parade to 4 Times Square during lunch today. Next up, they'll dump red paint on Meryl Streep — the suits at 20th Century Fox just wet themselves over this kind of free synergy.

Lord knows we took plenty of fucked up, jackassed photos when we were in college, so we're happy to see that Bee Shaffer, spawn of Anna Wintour, is enjoying a typical undergraduate experience at Columbia. This photo from her Facebook profile, however, is sending a dangerous message. It's not that Bee's holding cigarettes — it's that she's holding, of all things, Newport Lights. For shame, rich girl. For shame.

• Anna Wintour and Patrick McCarthy don't like each other. Also, Rick Stengel doesn't plan big changes at Time and "greenies" die at post-Siegal Times. [NYO]
• Star gets sex wrong on Brangelina and Gwen Stefani babies, plans no corrections, because, as we read it, at least they got other stuff right. [WWD (second item)]
• Storm Field has only the nation's second-best weatherman name, and Sam Champion merely comes in fifth. [TMN]
• Katie Couric will have to spend $30K on new clothes for her CBS gig, experts say. Proportionally, that's like someone making $100K spending $200 on work clothes. [NYSun]
• Not at all uncharacteristically, a top exec is axed from NYDN. [NYP]
• Chicks dig TV news. [NYO]
• Former Rolling Stone publisher goes to Maxim, replacing dude who took his job at RS. [Ad Age]

Poor Emma Brockes of the Guardian had the unenviable task of spending some quality time with Vogue editor Anna Wintour. Luckily for everyone, the occasion was not the release of The Devil Wears Prada but, rather, Wintour's annual Super Sweet 16 party, the Met Costume Institute Ball. After interviewing Wintour in her office and learning that Vogue may actually include pictures of fat people (no doubt for a shock-yourself-thin feature on obesity), Brockes accompanied Wintour to the Met, pre-gala, for one last interview opportunity. Their final interaction:

• Everything we've ever said about Anna Wintour? Well, we don't take it back — she's still a scary snowlady. But she also took Meryl Streep up on her invite and showed up to a VIP screening of The Devil Wears Prada and managed not to strangle Lauren Weisberger while there. May every woman have such grace and inner strength. [R&M]
• If you want the cover of Vanity Fair, you can't just be hot or an A-lister. You have to rat on something or someone — Nicole Richie lost the cover because she wouldn't discuss much regarding Paris; Vince Vaughn got bumped because he refused to talk about Jennifer Aniston; Britney Spears lost her shot because she wouldn't talk about her marriage. But Anderson Cooper scores the glossy crown because he lets them reprint shit he wrote in his book? [Page Six]
• Unless she pops sometime soon, Angelina Jolie will have labor induced sometime in the first week of June. Start planning your Mr. & Mrs. Smith celebratory viewing party now! [IMDb]
• Incarcerated publicity whore Jason Itzler calls Lloyd Grove, asks to be in the Daily News. Lloyd obliges, revealing that he's nothing more than a gossip with a heart of gold and weakness for pimps. [Lowdown]
• Britney Spears copes with K-Fed by writing poetry. Painful, gut-wrenching, confusing poetry. [Page Six]

Click to enlarge.

Social Rank — the delightfully inexplicable "organization" dedicated to ranking socialites according to personal style, press coverage, appearances, and hotness — has released its second official list. We're happy to see something so shallow and pointless continually thrive, just like the ladies it covers.

• Because we're tired of typing out all their names, we're going to refer to the ongoing celebrity scandal du jour as Chardenade Heatherich (you translate it). So, today in Chardenade Heatherich news, fifth wheel David Spade slams Denise Richards for betraying Heather Locklear — who happens to be linked to Spade. [Page Six]
• Devil Wears Prada author Lauren Weisberger may be experiencing a career slowdown: After lagging sales for her second book, Everyone Worth Knowing, she's reportedly having difficulty starting her third book. And so Anna Wintour sticks another pin in her little cloth doll... [Lowdown]
• Pete Doherty claims that he was not injecting drugs into the arm of an unconscious young woman. Both he and the girl insist that she was conscious and Doherty was actually drawing her blood — which he was going to then use to paint pictures. We actually preferred the first version. [IOL]
• Is there anything Wilmer Valderrama won't attend? Now he's hosting a condo opening for Corcoran, to be followed by an after-party for the opening of a anthrax-filled envelope. [The Real Estate]
• Now that Rosie O'Donnell is headed to The View, Star Jones' ego might not be able to take it. Her agent is rumored to be calling around, though Jones is welcome to stay as long as she likes. For the sake of television savagery, let's pray Star stays. [Page Six]
• Despite having around 20 pieces in the Met Costume Institute's "Anglomania" exhibit, Malcom McLaren is unable to snare a gala invite from Her Frigidness. [R&M (2nd item)]