Isn't it strange how that rare affliction of being mystically "unable" to gain weight only strikes female celebrities? It seems poor Megan Fox has that very woe to deal with atop her many other personal struggles, like pretending her engagement to one-earring trendmaker Brian Austin Green is still on, and trying ever so desperately to let a director (any director!) just film her nude already. But the newly "scrawny" Fox has reportedly been chastised about her skinny frame by Transformers 2 director Michael Bay, who has demanded that the busty Jolie successor put on 10 pounds or find a new gig. While Megan's resorted to stuffing herself with cake every night in bed, we might suggest the Anne Hathaway Quick Speed Diet: apparently breaking up with a grade A loser leads to dropping 28 pounds in no time!

Anne Hathaway carrying a bouquet of flowers and an iced coffee ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and daughter Ramona going for a walk in Brooklyn ... Lourdes Leon with dad Carlos leaving Madonna's Central Park West apartment ... Madonna and Guy Ritchie walking in the street instead of the sidewalk in Midtown ... Lauren Conrad and crew boarding a sea plane, en route to the Hamptons ... Jennifer Lopez on the set of an Elle photo shoot with Oscar de la Renta ... Newlyweds Ethan Hawke and Ryan Shawhughes walking their dog through the Village.

Anne Hathaway's long road back from her oily-boyfriend, dog-abandoning private hell had one final hurdle Monday: The Italian premiere of Get Smart, where Raffaello Follieiri's compatriots bared their red-carpet fangs at the actress — who apparently, despite her ever-expansive doe eyes, didn't see it coming. Thank God, though, Steve Carell was there, defying his typecast incompetence in his helpless co-star's service:

Get Smart star Anne Hathaway implemented a Garanimals style system to help with her co-star Steve Carell's hand placement during a photo call in Rome. Hathaway had noticed at prior press conferences and premieres that Carell seemed unsure as to where he should put his hands, so Hathaway purchased this dress to help him out. Carell appreciated what he called the "hand squares on the dress" and thanked Hathaway for being so conscientious.

• Heiress Casey Johnson and Courtenay Semel, daughter of entertainment mogul Terry Semel, are officially dating. Casey is ditching plans to move home to Manhattan so she can stay closer to Courtenay in LA. [Page Six]

Another little tale from the mixed-up files of Harvey Weinstein. One name on the busy movie czar's "Calls You Owe" list was Gwyneth Paltrow "re: Promises, Promises." The Village Voice claims that ol' Harve was due to call the pretend-British actress about playing the lead in a revival of the peculiar (if successful) 1968 Broadway musical. Funny thing though, non-gold-digging actress Anne Hathaway has supposedly already procured the role. Oh isn't casting fun? Your famous costars may think that you'll steal roles away from Gwyneth, but Paltrow's big name and big friendship with Weinstein will, of course, kick your ass in the end. Though, I don't quite get what all the fuss is about. Again, the show is peculiar, especially its show-stopping number "Turkey Lurkey Time." To see what I'm talking about, consult some video after the jump.

• Reps for Madonna and Alex Rodriguez claim the two are "just friends." They just happen to be the kind of friends who have secret rendezvouses at their apartments until midnight. The day after having a baby. [NYP]

The series of events that led up to the arrest of Anne Hathaway's con-ex Raffaello Follieri by the FBI has the NY Daily News wondering—as voiced by an unidentified, freeform-hypothesizing "pal"—if perhaps the Get Smart star had colluded with the Feds in exchange for a "get out of jail while we book your crooked boyfriend for scamming God out of his savings"-card. They report:

Page Six Magazine offers up a look at the life and times of Italian playboy/crook and former boyfriend of Anne Hathaway, Rafaello Follieri. The actress, who wanted to be a nun when she was a kid, was apparently attracted to Follieri's faith; they often "watched their favorite TV show, 24, with friends like Eva Mendes and Georgina Chapman"; and Rafaello could always be counted on to prepare her favorite dish, linguini and clams. [P6 Mag]

Joshua David Stein and Page Six Magazine got lucky this week—con man and Anne Hathaway-dater Raffaello Follieri (at left, with Bill Clinton) was arrested just as Stein's long profile of him went to press! It's an entertaining read, and while it answers lots of questions about how Follieri's big con worked, it raises a bunch too. Like how the hell did such a ridiculous scam work for so long? And how much of his own insane hype did Follieri believe? He had to be convinced of his rightness (and righteousness) to keep the lifestyle going after getting exposed so many times by the billionaires he conned. So despite lawsuits and gradual exposure as a fraud, he soldiered on.

• Good to know that even though Madonna and Guy Ritchie's relationship is on the rocks, their spiritual lives remain intact. Madonna spent the weekend in New York and attended the Kabbalah center in Midtown on Friday and Saturday; Guy paid a visit to the center in London. [People]

· Things we learned at the Los Angeles Film Festival this week. School Of Rock 2 isn't a pipe dream. Guillermo del Toro isn't going to milk The Hobbit. Women deserve equal talk show hosting rights, too. Nobody wanted to make Animal House. Chris Carter is as secretive as ever. Did somebody order stake?
· The battle between the Paps and the Surfs was kinda like the Greasers versus the Socs, only with the newly blackberry-less Matthew McConaughey playing the role of Dally. But what of the rematch?
· Mini-Me showed the world his mini-me, which should help him knock down that large tax debt.
· Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's sketchball ex, got pinched for attempting to defraud God. A judge set bail at $21 million, but who's gonna take care of the dog?
· Mary Kate Olsen de-pruned herself long enough to convince Dave Letterman that her old arch enemy Spencer Pratt is, indeed, a prat.
· No one was safe as we counted down the Hollywood's Top Ten Worst Kissers.
· Wall-E manged to get fatties and Republicans up in arms without saying a word.
· Whoa, who raped the Coreys? One mystery solved, one to go.
· AC Slater found himself embroiled in Chesthairgate.
· The Emasculation of Joshua continued, as Katherine Heigl used her whipped husband as an ashtray and made him curl her hair. Joshua did not escape unscathed.
· You can ongratulate Jason Bateman on the impending Arrested Development movie, but be sure you don't bring up pregnant teens.
· We had a dream. We had an awesome dream. Mainly b/c it was filled with lesbian werewolves.
·: Noted blog-hater Patrick Goldstein entered the blogosphere. We can only guess how many of his 1,100 pageviews came from his IP address.
· Which groovy comedy superstar is openly courting other men to touch his monkey? Perhaps they should frequent the Fox and Sony lots?
· Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. We'll miss you, George.

The Ballad of Anne and Raffaello took perhaps its most distressing turn this morning when it was revealed that in all the oily-boyfriend dumping and alleged deity-swindling, a 2-year-old is perilously caught in middle. But little Esmeralda won't be in limbo for long, we hear — not if an ally of jailed Hathaway ex Raffaello Follieri gets his way:

• In the spirit of racial harmony, Oprah Winfrey and Bill Clinton ignored each other at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party. They used to be very close, apparently. Until, presumably, Oprah went and supported a certain black man for president. Either that or he just didn't want to be near her in that outfit (pictured). [P6]

Gawker's own Josh Stein has a big article coming out in Page Six Magazine Sunday about Anne Hathaway's scuzzyupstanding ex-boyfriend, Italian con mangentleman philanthropist Rafaello Follieri. The Post gave a brief preview of the article today, stating that Follieri Group vice president Vincent Ponte used to co-own of "one of the largest waste-management firms in New York." Not sure why the Post picked that particular fact to highlight. So Follieri's associate came from waste management. Sounds like just the gig for a legitimate businessman looking to make an honest living, at least until he is convicted of racketeering due to being unfairly stereotyped as an Italian American. From the same article, but surely unrelated: Follieri's "friend" says Hathaway should come pick up her pretty little dog from Follieri's apartment, because it would be a shame if something nasty were to somehow happen to it. [Post]

• Lovebirds Uma Thurman and Arpad "Arki" Busson are engaged. The Swiss financier gave her an enormous ring (so big that Uma "can't fit it through the sleeve of her coat"), which Uma promptly showed off to friends at a party Thursday night and they're now planning the wedding. [NYDN]

• Anne Hathaway's Italian ex-boyfriend, accused con-man Rafaello Follieri, originally had planned a big spontaneous "vacation" to Italy for his "birthday" Wednesday, but of course he's in jail now, so no "dining patio, huge cellar of expensive wines, pricey pastas and locally caught seafood" for him. [Post]

There was an interesting line in Wednesday's front-page Wall Street Journal story on alleged Italian con man Rafaello Follieri. Follieri, you'll recall, has been accused, among other things, of squandering $50 million from a partnership involving supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle and former President Bill Clinton, in part on lavish personal luxuries. The Burkle-Clinton swindle is at the heart of the criminal case that got Follieri arrested this week. And yet, the Journal said, Follieri and the partnership "recently settled the [parallel] civil case on undisclosed terms, and Mr. Follieri has begun spending time again with Mr. Burkle, say people familiar with the matter." Wow, Follieri blew millions of dollars of money entrusted to Burkle by his best buddy Clinton, and yet suddenly all was forgiven? I don't suppose Burkle was doing any surreptitious recording during his buddy-buddy time with Rafaello, like he did with Post gossip Jared Paul Stern?

A tough week is seemingly getting tougher by the hour for Raffaelo Follieri, the deposed Anne Hathaway beau whose surplus of unused "CFO, The Vatican" business cards are the least of his mounting problems. There's also the positive drug test, the mysterious "illness and subsequent hospitalization," and the whole problem of house detention — which he could get around with the mere $21 million bail laid down Tuesday in court. Or the 29-year-old Italian could just save the cash, sit down with the feds, and see what might work to avoid the charges' maximum sentence of life in prison:

We can remember the innocent time just two weeks ago when we were urging innocent actress Anne Hathaway to dump her loser boyfriend, the swindling young con man Raffaello Follieri. How things have progressed since then! The Follieri coverage is almost too much to keep track of; after the jump, a handy link roundup of everything you need to know, up to right this minute: