On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert remarked that he'd been depressed for the last few days. Why? It turns out that Colbert's upset that he has to wait *four more days* for the new iPad—he wants it now!

Did you know we are now on the brink of a "Post-PC" future? The boring old desktops and laptops are on the decline, say the tech gods, to be replaced with iPads and smartphones and an infinite number of slick little devices. This is going to suck.

Conan aired a commercial that explains exactly how the cynics feel about the new iPad 2. Add a blinding white background and a bunch of Conan staffers in black tee's—and you've got yourself a spot-on parody!

The new iPad 2 is rumored to be a little larger this time around and these two guys got a sneak peek. It's bigger, badder, and it wants to kill you with its red death rays.

When it comes to promos, Adult Swim always has something clever to offer. A recent gem features CEO Bruce Taylor lampooning the dramatis personae of Steve Jobs in an Apple Keynote.

Popular Mechanics has a feature this month called "Confessions of an Apple Store Employee," wherein an employee dishes about life in an Apple store. One thing stuck out: Apple stores are apparently swarming with drug dealers. Said the anonymous Apple store employee:

Even as he convalesces at home, nursing whatever mystery ailment he has, Apple CEO Steve Jobs "is staying closely involved in the company's strategic decisions and product development," according to the Wall Street Journal.

The Apple founder wasn't always so poised in front of the cameras - here is a rare clip from a 1978 TV appearance, where Jobs seems incredibly overwhelmed just to be on television.

Dave Morin is among the luckiest guys in Silicon Valley. After a stint as an Apple college rep, he joined Facebook right before it blew up. Then Google offered $100 million for his obscure startup—and Morin rejected it.

Rikers Island inmate Shaheed Bilal has been charged with forging fake credit cards to buy $1 million worth of iPads and Mac laptops and then selling them nationwide at a discount. Talk about an inside Jobs. Get it? Jobs!

Rupert Murdoch and his team at News Corp., plus third-string Apple executive Eddy Cue, just unveiled the much-hyped iPad newspaper, The Daily, in New York. It's got video, big pictures, embedded Twitter, and updates that "break in" to the app.

In your ice-encased Thursday media column: Sam Zell is done with you media types, Comcast wouldn't dream of touching NBC News, rabbis (in the pocket of George Soros, commie Jew) hate Glenn Beck, and The Daily is coming next week.

Meet Maru. No, not the famous cat—Maru the puppy (a Shiba Inu, actually). In this short, sweet, and inarguably adorable video, Maru watches a video of another dog on his owner's iPhone. It confuses him—quite a bit.

It looks increasingly like Steve Jobs' reign at Apple is over. If the CEO doesn't return from his third, indefinite medical leave, COO Tim Cook will succeed him, marking a new era not only for Apple but for gay progress.

Wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is playing with an iPad now, which, according to her doctors, "indicates a high level of cognitive functioning." Apple always wins! If she were playing with a Dell or Samsung tablet, it wouldn't be as significant.

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner says his magazine will be available on the iPad in March—uncensored. If true, that's a huge reversal for Apple, whose CEO just last May said iPad put "freedom from porn" before freedom of speech.

Steve Jobs took a secret flight to Switzerland in 2009 for cancer treatment, reports Fortune, suggesting a radical, all-out fight against his ailment. Fortune agreed to keep this a secret, but now that their source is dead, the deal's off.

Steve Jobs is taking time off to recuperate again. No one knows when the CEO, and indispensable soul of Apple, is coming back. But three medical leaves make it clear Apple should finally give investors real information about Jobs' health.

Apple just announced that CEO and mastermind Steve Jobs is taking a "medical leave of absence." That sounds bad.

News Corp's iPad newspaper The Daily was all set to unveil itself dramatically in San Francisco next week. Now the launch is being delayed "weeks, not months" in order to let Apple tweak its new subscription service. Shoot. [Media Memo]