Look no further: the best Christmas story of the year has been found.

On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reports, Austria said that it plans to build a fence along part of its border with Slovenia, in an attempt to slow the arrival of migrants and refugees.

Less than a day after a truck containing 71 decomposing bodies was found outside Vienna, police stopped a small van carrying 26 refugees in northern Austria, including three small children who were hospitalized with severe dehydration, the New York Times reports.

A truck full of bodies presumed to be refugees was just found on the side of a highway in Austria, where politicians are gathering this week to brainstorm how to make it more difficult for migrant workers to escape their hellish existences.

Yet another teen has fallen for the siren call of ISIS: A 14-year-old Austrian boy pled guilty to terrorism charges today after he was accused of planning to bomb a Vienna train station. According to Reuters, the boy was encouraged by ISIS and downloaded bomb plans to his Playstation.

What is the saddest thing? Possibly: a heroic lion mascot in a cape who has become too drunk to stand and collapses on the soccer pitch, his giant fuzzy head lolling and falling off in his hands. Underneath, he is only human, like the rest of us. He is also drunk, like the rest of us.

This 9/11 cake was created by Austrian baker Thomas Kienbauer as a metaphor for the current state of Vienna politics. In this metaphor, the Twin Towers of cake represent the ruling coalition Kienbaeur opposes, and the planes represent various fringe parties he apparently supports. (It is not a very good metaphor.)

Museo Jumex, an art museum that opened in Mexico City in 2013, is embroiled in its first controversy as an institution. Barely a week away from the opening of an exhibit featuring the works of Austrian artist Hermann Nitsch, Museo Jumex canceled it, claiming that the art would be too disturbing for citizens to look at.

Two potential contenders for the U.S. ski team were killed in an avalanche in the Austrian alps on Monday. Ronnie Berlack, 20, and Bryce Astle, 19, reportedly died after skiing off course while training on a glacier.

A pair of Austrian teenagers who apparently fled to Syria to support ISIS may be pregnant by a pair of Chechen fighters, according to a probably-fake report in the New York Post. Several more reputable news outlets, meanwhile, are reporting that either Samra Kesinovic, 16, or her friend Sabina Selimovic, 15, may have been killed in Syria, where they've been since April of this year. The two girls are believed to have become radicalized after attending a local mosque in Vienna, and Interpol has confirmed their disappearance, posting several photos of the two girls in both Western clothing and in burqas. Virtually everything else about the two girls is in dispute, though; we don't even know which of them may have been killed.

Hitler's childhood home in Braunau, Austria is slated to be turned into the House of Responsibility, a museum dedicated to survivors of the Holocaust.

Five new white tiger cubs born in an Austrian Zoo and thought to be the first litter of five white tiger cubs in all of Europe, have made their first public appearance today in the media. Their names? Lila, Lulu, Lela, Lali, and Obama. Interesting choice.

Drag queen Conchita Wurst, representing Austria, celebrates after the second semifinal of the Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen, Denmark, on Thursday. Image via Frank Augstein/AP.

[Mikaela Shiffrin, of the United States, competes on her way to set the fastest time during the first run of an alpine ski, women's World Cup slalom in Flachau, Austria, on Tuesday. Image via Marco Trovati/AP.]

On Wednesday, Bolivian President Evo Morales was geopolitically stopped-and-frisked in Austria on his way home from Moscow, which Bolivia has claimed was because the U.S. believed Ed Snowden was aboard his plane. Conflicting information has since emerged, with some claiming it was a routine stop that got blown out of proportion, others a flagrant abuse by U.S. imperialists. Today, however, it is clear that someone was telling Europeans governments that Edward Snowden was aboard Morales' flight, and it looks likely it was the U.S.

The controversial "Nude Men" (NSFW) exhibit at Vienna's Leopold Museum is making headlines once again.

Nearly twenty years after he robbed a Vienna-based branch of Erste Bank, Otto Neuman is getting a significant amount of the money he stole returned to him because no one else wants it.

The history of lingerie is being rewritten, all because a couple freak-nasty archaeologists were rooting around in some hang-loose Austrian gals' trash.

The Upper Austrian village of Fucking is fucking sick and fucking tired of all the fucking jokes, so its 104 inhabitants (demonyn: Fuckingers) are getting together to mull a name change.

A Swedish artist and former erotic TV hostess named Ylva-Maria Thompson is opening the Austrian International School of Sex, where people can finally learn how to do it the right way. "Sexual positions, caressing techniques, anatomical features- these are the AISOS disciplines," says the school's dysfunctional website. "And we teach you hands on."