In a sleepy Austrian hamlet today, a hulking superhuman lovingly caressed the buttock of a grotesquely muscled 8-foot-tall bronze state of himself.

The news last month that two adult Austrian women had accused their father of keeping them in a rape dungeon for their entire lives—coupled with a remarkably similar 2008 story—prompted us to ask: What's the story with all the horrendous family-rape, Austria? Turns out the latest story isn't quite what it seemed.

In April 2008, an Austrian woman named Elisabeth Fritzl revealed to police that her father, Josef, had locked her in a basement for the preceding 24 years and raped her more than 3,000 times. Now comes yet another horrific case involving an Austrian man sexually abusing, torturing, and imprisoning his children over the course of many years.

Austrian authorities have decided to weld shut the door to the secret cellar where notorious rapist and Two and a Half Men fan Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter and their seven children because, well, "teenagers have been partying in his secret dungeon."

[For this picture of spectators watching the Four Hill ski jumping tournament in Austria, AP photographer Kerstin Joensson exposed the film for a 10th of a second and rotated the camera during the exposure. Image via AP]

[The 2010 European Beard and Moustache Championships took place today in Leogang, Austria. Take that, Brooklyn. Image via AP]

An Austrian Catholic priest got into trouble with the Vienna archdiocese this week after he listed his church's confessional on eBay. The listing said it could be used as a "one-person sauna, a small bar or a children's playhouse."

[The extravagantly-costumed guests of the Vienna HIV charity Life Ball look more like characters from a dream than anyone in Inception. Pic via AP.]

This ad may be a tad unbelievably sexist, given the prolonged, gratuitous shot of a girl's cleavage, but when it comes to the matter of protecting one's country, all bets are off.

Jörg Haider, the leader of Austria's far-right Alliance for Austria's Future party, died this month in a high-speed car crash. He was drunk. Why was he drunk? Because, of course, he'd just had a terrible fight with his gay lover, who was also his 27-year-old protege and party deputy. After the fight, Haider went to a gay club and drank heavily with male escorts. Did we mention he was the leader of the far-right party? The one that's anti-immigrant and anti-European Union and pro-traditional family values? And that Haider was married with children? Haider's successor and lover, Stefan Petzner, is now speaking openly of his love for his neo-fascist boss.

Joerg Haider, the Austrian extreme rightist who died in a car crash while going twice the speed limit last week, spent the last moments of his life partying at gay hot spot Stadtkraeme, according to the German newspaper Bild. Maybe European Neo-Nazis just like to dance?