The nominations for this year's Oscars were announced this morning and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences tapped exactly who you thought they would. That's not a bad thing. There were some surprises though. Here's a full list of the nominees.

The nomination deadline for the 2012 Pulitzer Prizes is five days away. Newspaper editors around the county are busy crafting nomination letters, putting together elaborate packages showcasing their best work, and forking over $50 entry fees for a shot at winning journalism's most prestigious prize later this Spring. No one will care.

Elton John had a sour puss on all night at the Golden Globes, but it got even worse when Madonna's shitty "Masterpiece" won for Best Original Song over some crappy ballad Elton wrote for Gnomeo and Juliet. Then his husband started talking shit about Madonna on Facebook.

Tonight the winner of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globes were as obvious as they could possibly be. It was a collection of wacky cable television winners and all the expected Oscar favorites and big splashy celebrities from the movie world. And Ricky Gervais was so scary as the host. Here are all the victors.

Oh my gosh, what is Ricky Gervais going to do? Which celebrities are going to get drunk? Which awful actors will the Hollywood Foreign Press Association award tonight? Yes, it's Golden Globes nights. Please join us in witnessing all these atrocities and making mean jokes about them.

It's officially awards season now that the secretive geniuses at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association have announced the nominees for the Golden Globes, Hollywood's self-love and booze fest. The Artist appears to be the big winner, but that's not surprising at all. However there are some shocks to be had.

The Grammy Awards nominations were announced on Wednesday night! Hooray! Everyone loves the Grammys. They're like the Oscars for blind people. And your mom's entire iPod was nominated. Here are the nominees. Congrats, Skrillex! Exchange bitcoins accordingly.

Say what you want about Jennifer Lopez—go ahead, we'll wait until you're done saying those things. Finished? OK, cool—but there's no denying that she can obliterate the stage at a televised event. Her relentless medley of "Until It Beats No More," "Papi," and "On The Floor" at last night's inconsequential American Music Awards took advantage of every award show performance convention ever: the ballad-as-intro, the choreographed dance breakdown, the rap cameo (by Pitbull), the gradual costume strip show. She even managed to squeeze a Fiat commercial into the middle of it.

Even though the Hollywood Foreign Press Association said his cutting jokes at last year's Golden Globes were "unacceptable", Ricky Gervais will host the booze-soaked junior prom again this year. It's always a just on the right side of awkward.

It's been a hell of a week for the Oscars: Brett Ratner quit, Eddie Murphy quit, and everyone had some bright ideas about who should host. Sadly, Brian Grazer and Billy Crystal were quickly hired. And even though the once and future king of the Oscars has been anointed, some of you people are still carrying on about the damn Muppets. Knock it off!

No, it is not 1991 all over again, but Billy Crystal is going to host the Oscars now that Brett Ratner got fired and Eddie Murphy stepped down as host. The forces of nostalgia have won out yet again.

Producer Brian Grazer, of The Klumps fame, will replace Brett Ratner as the Oscars' producer. Pros: won't use the f-word, hasn't jerked off in front of Olivia Munn (probably). Cons: looks like alien wearing a poorly-made human being costume.

Thanks to one silly little word by Brett Ratner and what was shaping up to be the worst Oscars ever are no more. With Ratner out as producer and Eddie Murphy stepping down as host, the Academy is starting from scratch.

In the wake of Brett Ratner resigning from producing what would have been History's Worst Oscars because he said "fag," should the Academy also be looking at what their host has said about gay people in the past too? Probably.

After a particularly offensive week—during which he called people who rehearse "fags" and told Howard Stern about "banging" Olivia Munn—Rush Hour director and physical embodiment of everything Axe body spray stands for Brett Ratner has quit his gig producing the Oscars under heavy pressure from the Academy. Hooray! Unfortunately, the Oscars will still suck.

The Nobel Prize in Chemistry, which some refer to as "the Gay Super Bowl of Chemistry," has been awarded to 70-year-old Israeli scientist Daniel Schechtman for his discovery of "quasicrystals." It sounds like something you might buy on QVC, but they are actually metal atoms arranged in such a way as to resemble Islamic mosaics, and they have significantly altered how chemists view solid matter.

The world's premier gambling event, the announcement of the Nobel Prize in Literature, happens on Thursday. Who's gonna win? Bob Dylan? (No.) Here are your betting odds!

The 2011 MacArthur Genius Grants (aka "The Emmys of Smart People") have been announced. Among the 22 winners of the $500,000 prize were a physicist, a cellist, a silversmith and Jad Abumrad, the host of the NPR radio show "Radiolab". Now they will be flown to the rain forests of Brazil to do battle in a series of increasingly-absurd physical challenges. See who emerges as "America's Strongest Genius!" Wednesdays, this fall on NBC.

Just like the weekend, the 63rd Primetime Emmys are history. This year's telecast was hosted by Glee's Jane Lynch and aired live on Fox from the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. Despite Alec Baldwin's last-minute pullout, pretty much every small screen star showed up to celebrate television's biggest night.

Wow, those Emmys sure were a stinker, weren't they? Not only did they fall into the same old Emmys trap of giving the same awards to the same people, but the show itself was a complete dud. It was slow and dated and every opportunity for excitement landed with a great thud.