Assuming for a moment that Obama had anything to do with killing Bin Laden — and that this wasn't all part of an Al Qaeda plan, as Rush Limbaugh theorized — he really should have done it sooner.

For a few hours yesterday, the top link on the Drudge Report led to a YouTube video in which an Ohio woman said she's going to vote for President Obama because he gave her a phone. The woman is inarticulate and she speaks loudly, and on top of those things she's black. Basically, she is exactly the kind of person many on the right envision—wrongly, it should be said—when they think of who is guzzling from the government teat these days. That she was bragging about Obama giving "every minority in Cleveland" luxuries like cell phones was just the icing on the cake.

The Fars News Agency, Iran's leading, "semi-state-run" news agency, might want to spend a little less time bashing America, and little more time acquainting itself with the Great Satan's parody news organizations.

With the first of three presidential debates still a few days away, Mitt Romney's campaign is already calling a winner: President Obama.

In an Associated Press article from earlier this month, national affairs writer Jesse Washington posed the question, "Does racial bias fuel Obama foes?" "The question of whether race fuels opposition to President Barack Obama has become one of the most divisive topics of the election," Washington continued. "It is sowing anger and frustration among conservatives who are labeled racist simply for opposing Obama's policies and liberals who see no other explanation for such deep dislike of the president."

Notable gasbag Newt Gingrich is still making noise, most recently in support of Missouri Senate candidate Todd "legitimate rape" Akin.

The infamous and inevitable 60 Minutes interviews with the Chosen Two aired on CBS last night. Neither candidate said anything that they had never said before and everyone walked away forgetting why they had opted to watch the predictably uninformative interviews in the first place. (Is 60 Minutes even still a thing?)

Does president Obama have a 19-year-old son? Most people would guess, correctly, that no, the most powerful and famous man on the planet does not have an adult son whom you've never seen, and any articles about it are clearly satire. Not Floridians, though. No — Floridians want to know if the Onion article they've been forwarded is real.

Why does Barack Obama hate Christians so much? The notorious anti-Jesus President is refusing to condemn the controversial work Piss Christ by Andres Serrano.

So, yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day, and the president's social network team decided to join the parrrrty by tweeting a 2009 photo of Obama pretend-meeting with a pirate — actually speechwriter Cody Keenan in costume — "for use in the President's humorous speech to the White House Correspondents Association dinner."

An Iowa couple thought they had picked the perfect spot for their wedding ceremony when they settled on Living History Farms in Urbandale six months ago.

Singer-songwriter Randy Newman, best known today for his contributions to the soundtrack of Pixar's Toy Story franchise, scored a hit way back in 1972 with "Political Science" — a satirical send-up of American foreign policy that invites warmongers to "drop the big one and see what happens."

While most have focused on the "47 percent" comments from Mitt Romney's leaked fundraiser video, the full footage released today includes some very blunt words about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Barack Obama sat down with David Letterman today, and while they talked about more than politics, what everyone really wants to know is how Obama responded to the hidden camera videos of Romney that went viral yesterday.

It's been less than 24 hours since Mitt Romney's controversial "47 percent tape" first entered the news cycle and the Obama campaign has already managed to produce a political ad based around the the GOP nominee's "inelegent" comments.

"I figure if somebody's dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they're gonna have to take what they get," Clint Eastwood told Jerry Penacoli in an interview for Extra.

It was a question without a right answer, and Mitt Romney still managed to get it wrong. Which reality TV sign-of-the-end-times do you prefer — Snooki or Honey Boo Boo?

On Wednesday, Rush Limbaugh once again proved that he's unafraid to ask questions the rest of us avoid because the blood vessels to our brains aren't occluded by hog fat and Macanudos. On his radio show, he speculated: "What if Ayman al-Zawahiri and other al-Qaida leaders gave up Osama bin Laden for the express purpose of making Obama look good?" He then followed up, "Do you think that militant Islamists will be as hopeful of getting rid of Israel with a Republican president or with a Democrat president?"

The three Republican members of the Kansas State Objections Board said yesterday they were looking at a complaint that President Obama is not a natural born US citizen, and considering whether to remove his name from November's ballot.

Fresh off a real godforsaken run at foreign policy chops in the wake of deadly riots in Egypt and Libya, Mitt Romney has focused his attention back on making blundering statements about our very own U.S.A. This morning, during a Good Morning America interview, the ultra-wealthy businessman said that he plans on reducing taxes for "middle-income" Americans. But how does he define middle income?