What do you do when your party's base is made up of scared old white people who believe that the president is a traitor? You never, ever, ever correct them, and you talk a lot about God. Take Mitt Romney's example!

Today, Vanity Fair published several excerpts from the romantic correspondence of a young Barack Obama, displaying a penetrating mind and an impressive command of language on the part of the future president, who had just transferred from Occidental College to Columbia. His letters, as biographer David Maraniss writes, "wove [their] way though literature, politics, and personal philosophy"; our own Maureen O'Connor notes that they "reference T.S. Eliot, 'bourgeois liberalism,' and Jacques Derrida."

Is Barack Obama cool? Anyone who is actually cool can tell you that no, the president is not cool. He is old, and he is a dad, and he is president. And yet here we have a political ad claiming the president is cool, and commentators nodding their heads in agreement. The New Yorker's John Cassidy cites the Washington Post, a Politico commenter, and Grantland to conclude that the president has a "dazzling hipness."

Today Vanity Fair published an excerpt from Washington Post editor David Maraniss' new Barack Obama biography. The selection focuses on Obama's first serious girlfriend, 25-year-old Genevieve Cook, whom he dated when he was 22 and living in New York.

This weekend, Karl Rove's mom-and-pop PAC, American Crossroads, took a couple shiny quarters out of its $100 million billfold and gave the world "Obama Cool," a political attack ad that accuses Barack Obama of being cool.

Here's the buzzed-about anti-Obama political ad in which Barack Obama's oppressive coolness is exposed. There's a lot about this strategy I don't understand. Is being cool a problem when you're a president? Does this ad make Obama's fans like him any less? Could Mitt Romney ever pull off Al Green?

As expected, the House has passed the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA), despite objections from the Obama administration. The bill allows private companies and the federal government to share information in order to prevent cyber-attacks. (You can read Adrian Chen's far more eloquent explanation here.)

Gary Stein is a 26 year-old nine-year veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps, meaning he's been in there since he got out of high school. He's served in Iraq. He does not like our President and Commander-in-chief, Barack Obama. He made his displeasure known in the following ways:

Stopping off somewhat spontaneously at popular University Hill hangout The Sink, President Obama was greeted with cheers from surprised patrons who hastily picked their teeth clean before the CIC stopped by their table to make small talk.

Unemployment is down in swing states, which means support for Barack Obama is up. Recent polls show the president has an advantage over Republican candidate Mitt Romney. And it's still the economy, stupid.

Watching Fox News can give sentient viewers the impression that the network is run by that nutjob uncle of yours who keeps forwarding chain emails about Obama's time in a madrassa. And it is.

It's not just the dog: assuming he's the Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney will go into the election with more people viewing him unfavorably than favorably.

President Obama arrived in Colombia for the Summit of the Americas yesterday, but the Secret Service agents sent in advance of his arrival were M.I.A. That's because 12 agents were relieved of duty and sent home after allegations of misconduct involving prostitution. Former Washington Post reporter Ronald Kessler calls it "clearly the biggest scandal in Secret Service history."

President Obama hasn't changed his mind: He still thinks Kanye West is a jackass.

President Obama goes a bit wild while reading Where The Wild Things Are to children at yesterday's 134th annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

On Sunday, Bill Kristol, chronically incorrect steward of his daddy's magazine movement, dismissed liberals' and black activists' outraged response to the Trayvon Martin killing as "just demagoguery... mostly on the side of those who want to indict the whole society for this death." The following day, Rush Limbaugh said the response was "doing more harm to the black community than anything else." How blessed the black community must feel to have their best interests overseen by the living embodiment of everything wrong with white people.

Is Mitt Romney the Republican presidential nominee yet? Well, not quite. Appearing on NBC's Meet the Press, Rick Santorum acknowledged that the Wisconsin primary will send a "strong signal" as to where the campaign is headed. Even so, a Santorum loss will not be enough for him to drop out — not when we're all having so much fun.

Canada will say goodbye to the penny this fall. As Finance Minister Jim Flaherty explained, "The penny is a currency without any currency in Canada, and it costs us 1.5 cents to produce a penny."

Here's a clip of Rick Santorum speaking at the Armory in Janesville, Wisc. on March 27, stumbling over a word that sounds a lot like the n-word. What on earth could he have been trying to say? Maybe he meant to call him "bleaugh"?

For those who haven't seen it, here's Rick Santorum's spooky "Obamaville" spot. Alas, this is just a political ad and not a trailer for a controversial horror film — but hey, maybe with enough funding we'll get the feature-length version. Be sure to look out for the split-second shot of Ahmadinejad's face becoming Obama's. If you dare.