In a gratuitously and joyously dickish move today, the White House announced that it would address a joint session of Congress next Wednesday at 8 p.m., right when the long-planned NBC/Politico debate for Republican presidential candidates is scheduled to take place. And this afternoon, Speaker John Boehner issued the President his formal invitation to visit Capitol Hill — only for the next night.
In perhaps the most gratuitously—and joyously!—dickish move of his presidency, Barack Obama has scheduled a primetime congressional address next week at the precise moment Politico and MSNBC will be hosting a debate for the GOP presidential candidates. Have fun with your little JV debate club, bitches!
Look: The Obama administration doesn't want to screw up the 10th anniversary of 9/11, okay? There's going to be quite a bit of focus around the world on the United States and its allies that day, and no one wants important government people going out and screwing something up or saying something stupid. So let's pre-forgive the administration for its nitpicky "9/11 instructions" (more like "guidelines") being sent out to bureaucrats both here and around the world.
Jolly radio idiot Rush Limbaugh was in shock after Hurricane Irene didn't end up killing everyone on the eastern seaboard, and that the damage it did cause has been mostly well-managed by federal, state and local authorities. What's a Limbaugh to say about these generally positive developments? How about... Obama probably wanted the hurricane to be worse! Sure, say that.
For six days and counting now, hundreds of protesters have gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama intervene and stop the construction of an oil pipeline that will span the breadth of the United States — from Montana to the Gulf of Mexico. Over 300 of them have been arrested — and not just wild-eyed idealistic college students, but high-profile advocates including environmental leader Bill McKibben. Despite all this, the administration says this is a question for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
Last October, the Obama administration announced a plan to place "photovoltaic solar collectors and a solar hot water heater" atop the White House roof, where panels haven't been since that jerk Ronald Reagan ripped off the ones that Jimmy Carter installed. The goal was to have them installed by the beginning of this summer. They are nowhere to be seen. We demand our symbolic acknowledgement of alternative energy now!
Here's a lovely little photo essay prepared by David Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh's less drug-addicted brother. It shows Rick Perry at age 22, when he was an Air Force pilot, contrasted with "Barack Hussein Obama II" at age 22, when he was a nig—excuse me, I mean, boy. They were both boys, obviously, but Perry was a plane-flying man while Obama was really a boy. Just a boy. This is going to be the most racist election ever.
If you, too, specifically seek to read pieces of writing that you know will be depressing if not dangerous, then there's nothing better than a Thomas Friedman column's opening paragraph that runs with either a misleading anecdote or confusing extended metaphor. Today's the latter! Let's take a gander at this sumbitch. It is about golf.
The Tea Party's very own Sheriff Joe Arpaio — famous for his pink panty fetish and for leading a department full of human traffickers — on Wednesday night met with "more than 325 people" (!) who fear that Barack Obama will try to run on 2012 ballots in Arizona's Maricopa County using a fake birth certificate. Oh yes.
President Obama is beginning his third consecutive annual family vacation to Martha's Vineyard, in August, when literally nothing happens anywhere. On a scale from 10 to 10, how furious does this pretend to make you? Because it makes some people very pretend unhappy!
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart had gay marriage on the mind. Stewart started off by mocking Rick Santorum for the lame analogies he turns to whenever he's asked to explain why he's against same-sex marriage. Stewart's focus then shifted to President Obama's apparent flip-flop on the legality of the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act. "Ah, the best of both worlds!" said Stewart. "The administration won't defend the indefensible—they will, however, enforce the indefensible."
The "Herman Cain Train" has derailed from its tracks, blown up, and brutally killed all the people inside. Meaning: Herman Cain is not likely to win the Republican presidential nomination! But since he's still running anyway, what should he talk about? How about impeaching Barack Obama, the red-meat throwers' ultimate expression of hitting rock bottom.
President Obama left Washington yesterday aboard a $1 million armored black bus for a three-day trip across three states. The Obama administration is touting the bus tour as a way to focus attention on job creation and insists it's not a campaign trip. But Jon Stewart wasn't too convinced on tonight's Daily Show: "I'm sure the president just had some frequent Greyhound miles he had to burn by the end of August."
President Obama is not traveling around the Midwest in any old jalopy with "JOBS" or "AMERICA" splashed on the side. He's riding in a new pitch-black armored $1 million Secret Service bus. Why is he trying to scare all the people away?
