"Wha gwan, Jamaica?" President Obama greeted an evidently delighted crowd in Kingston today, speaking after a meeting with Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller. John "Ich bin ein Berliner" Kennedy had nothing on this guy.

Look at this, a person who actually lived a nightmare scenario from hell that you might've dreamt during the worst sleep of your life: a Utah man showed up in a polo shirt during an important meeting with Barack Obama.

President Obama spoke out against the police shooting last night in Ferguson and read some Meh Tweets about himself in an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live Thursday.

President Barack Obama delivered a speech on Saturday from the Edmund Pettus Bridge—named for a grand dragon of the Ku Klux Klan and site of what came to be known as "Bloody Sunday"—addressing race in America. "What happened in Ferguson may not be unique," he said, "but it's no longer endemic. It's no longer sanctioned by law or custom, and before the civil rights movement, it most surely was."

In the White House's budget for fiscal year 2016, to be officially announced Monday, Barack Obama will call for a one-off, 14 percent tax on earnings held by multinational companies overseas, The Guardian reports. There is an estimated $2 trillion in such untaxed earnings.

Granted, we have not reviewed every State of the Union address in the history of this great nation, but we're gonna go ahead and say that this is the greatest burn in the history of the spectacle.

Every year, the president of America, Barack Saddam Hussein Obama, and other congresspeople choose a handful of Regular Joe (or Josephine, Jose, Josefina, etc) American citizens who have suffered some sort of trauma and/or are representative of an issue to take part in the Constitution's greatest mandate: that the president "shall from time to time give to Congress information of the State of the Union and recommend to their Consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient." Cool... but have you ever heard of texting?

President Obama announced Thursday night a multibillion dollar plan to make the first two years of community college free for all students "willing to work for it."

After shooting his girlfriend Saturday morning, 28-year-old Ismaaiyl Brinsley of Union City, Georgia traveled from Baltimore to New York and gunned down two NYPD officers, apparently in retaliation for recent police-related homicides. According to some commentators, however, Brinsley was only partially responsible for the murders, aided by accomplices Bill de Blasio and Barack Obama.

We're constantly being told that "First" "Lady" Michelle Hussein Obama loves health food. Is that right? Oh really? Is that so? Then why is the famous healthy White House chef fleeing at top speed—hmmm??

Stephen Colbert has some bad news about the second-to-last week of The Colbert Report: He was unable to book legendary Seattle rockers The Presidents of the United States of America to play their classic '90s jam, "Peaches." Consolation prize, though: He landed actual president Barack Obama.

I'm not prepared to paper over the faults in my perceptions of politics. I'm not ready to confront whatever comes after post-race. I'm not ready to eulogize whatever vestiges of Black Camelot remain. And I don't know if I'm equipped for the world After Obama.

Ta-Nehisi Coates has a post-Ferguson Thanksgiving proclamation for you: "Barack Obama is the president of a congenitally racist country, erected upon the plunder of life, liberty, labor, and land....Black people are the chastener of their own country. Their experience says to America, 'You wear the mask.'"

For the past two years, the GOP-controlled House Committee on Intelligence has investigated the Obama administration’s role in the security and intelligence failures which preceded the September 2012 attacks in Benghazi, Libya—a perpetual source of bizarre right-wing conspiracies. Today the results are in: Obama officials did nothing wrong.

"Most high" American president Baracks Obama has spent much of his second term flaunting his ability to disrespect this great nation at home and abroad. It seems that "his highness" is even too good to play real American sports any more. More champagne, your excellency?

Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, who sells your private information for profit, was recently asked about his sartorial philosophy during a Facebook town hall—more specifically, why does the precocious genius behind the foremost destination for social networking choose to wear such simple, humble threads every day when he could be blinged out in bespoke sharkskin suits and a diamond necklace that reads "IKNOWEVERYTHINGBOUTUBITCH"?

In the midterm elections, the United States people sent the message: No, we don't like you, Baracks Hussein Obama. Shockingly, our "Commander in Chief" has now extended an enormous metaphorical middle finger—to the whole wide world!

Last week, athlete-turned-golfer Michael Jordan impugned the ball-whacking abilities of the President of these United States, calling Barack Obama "a shitty golfer." And Jordan knows whereof he speaks: His handicap of 3 is much smaller and better than Obama's 17. Statistics!

Ben Stein, a horny, horny man, went on Fox News yesterday to discuss his ideas about race and the upcoming presidential election. Great idea! Specifically, the old frog-faced lump of play-doh claimed that Barack Obama is the most racist president in the history of the United States. Let's dig in.

Michael Jordan, G.O.A.T., briefly considered President Barack Obama for his dream golf foursome, but immediately changed his mind because Obama is "a shitty golfer."