[The first family is back in Washington following their vacation in Hawaii, a considerably better place that's far, far away from Mitch McConnell. Fancy-pantsed Michelle Obama clearly realizes how terrible a development this is. Image via AP.]

The selfish Obamas have completely dodged the press during their Hawaiian vacation, not even posing for one naked beach photo. But photographers finally intercepted them at the zoo today! Were they hiding in an animal's lair? You be the judge.

Tonight, The Daily Show returned from hiatus with an opening segment about President Obama's recent legislative victories under fire. During it, Jon Stewart compared Obama to Star Wars' Luke Skywalker, before many subsequent—and equally awesome—trilogy-related references. Watch inside.

Simon & Schuster is publishing a book titled O: A Presidential Novel this month, by "Anonymous" — supposedly someone with "vast" insider knowledge of the Obama presidency. Will this be the next Primary Colors? Sure! Unless it's a hoax. [via]

Organizing for America, the president's political operation that will eventually "morph" into his next presidential campaign, has kicked off its transition to the 2012 race with... staff layoffs. Finally! Now they're free to work for America's real savior, Mitt Romney.

The Zadroga Act, which helps compensate 9/11 first responders, was signed into law by President Obama this afternoon.

Fake celebrity rumors are the id of pop culture, where we act lecherously (naked Miley), think wishfully (pregnant Aniston), and exorcise unspeakably hideous demons (prison raped LiLo). Some fake rumors are better than others. Here are the best.

The nerve of Barack Obama! He went snorkeling with family and friends in a secluded Hawaiian cove yesterday, and pool reporters weren't even allowed to take new shirtless photos. How will they get their jollies off for the next year?

Sean Hannity is on vacation this week, so his Fox News show is being hosted by Tucker Carlson. During a discussion tonight about President Obama's controversial defense of Michael Vick, Carlson said that Vick "should have been executed." Watch inside.

Barack Obama went to church on Sunday. This must mean something. What does this mean? The Politico newspaper explains what this means.

Look: MSNBC's Chris Matthews is not a birther, okay? That said... he still wants to know why Barack Obama hasn't shown whatever super-secret copy of his birth certificate. Where is it, Obama? But again: Chris Matthews is not a birther.

The President and Hillary Clinton topped Gallup's "most admired" man and woman polls this year, as they do every damn year.

Republicans will only control one chamber of Congress next year, giving them little means of dismantling the "Obama Agenda." But after wading through Congress' history of old rules, they may have discovered a way to stifle the executive branch's power.

Rainstorms have caused 14 Hawaiian sewer pipes to overflow, at least four of which spilled into the waterway where the Obamas are vacationing. Hawaii has issued a "brown water warning." Will Barack Obama "man up" and swim in this poopwater?

The Senate approved President Obama's nuclear treaty with Russia, 71-26, ending weeks of fake opposition.

President Obama signed the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" repeal today, without any problems. But it was close! Some Republicans tried to sneak a legislative poison pill into the mix last night, until Mitch McConnell stopped them. Is Mitch getting soft?

The Obama administration is likely to "establish indefinite detention as a long-term... policy." On the plus side, now that we've abandoned even the pretense of a commitment to universal civil rights, no one will ever die in a terrorist attack.

JibJab's become known for their funny/relevant "Year in Review" videos, so I'm pleased to announce that 2010's version—featuring puppets of President Obama and Vice President Biden singing a lamentation of the sh*tty year that was—doesn't disappoint. Watch inside.

If you're getting a Secret Service beatdown, at least do it with gusto: Career criminal Gregory Brockman wrote a jailhouse letter threatening to kill the President and eat his flesh. This has been your creative assassination plot of the day.

[Last Friday, Barack Obama abandoned Bill Clinton at a press conference to attend a Christmas party. Big mistake! Because at the party, he had to "hang" with an a cappella group — an exhausting process. Image via Pete Souza/White House.]