It's the kind of story local news lives for — a black bear breaks into a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and makes off with several mouthfuls of merchandise.

Three bear cubs had to be rescued by a New Mexico couple and their ladder after getting stuck inside a dumpster in Ruidoso.

Fish and Game officials in California's Nevada County were alerted by passers-by to a man allegedly attempting to unload a pair of bear cubs at a local gas station in North San Juan Wednesday afternoon.

Who would you rather have as a leader: A man who runs into a burning building to rescue a woman, or a man who will put his life in danger to save the seeds in his birdfeeder from a pack of roving bears?

Witness ye, the world's first documented example of tool use in a bear. Scientist Volker B. Deecke discovered the "subadult brown bear in south-eastern Alaska" rubbing a barnacle-covered rock against its face. New Scientist reports,

Siku, the Scandinavian Wildlife Park's polar bear cub, has his own LiveJasmin-style webcam. It's only live four hours out of the day, but they've got reruns up the rest of the time, so why not check out early? Unless you are, like, a doctor, there is literally nothing you could possibly be doing right now, in the big picture, that is more important than watching a polar bear cub fuck around. [Polar Bear Cam]

Marian Thompson, the widow of an exotic pet enthusiast who unleashed 56 dangerous animals into Zanesville, Ohio before committing suicide, wants her leopards back.

As many as 48 "mature, very big, agressive" exotic animals—including lions, cheetahs, tigers, apes, wolves and bears—have escaped from a Ohio farm whose owner was found dead earlier today. On the bright side, school's been cancelled tomorrow!

Both patrons and employees of the Tatsuda's IGA supermarket in Ketchikan, Alaska were left flabbergasted on Saturday after a black bear cub waltzed into the store and immediately beelined it to the produce aisle, which he then ransacked in the OMG CUTEST way possible. But since all good things must come to an end, our baby bear's running-amok was eventually foiled by an unidentified man, assisted by party-pooping local police. At least we'll always have this video.

Bears! Everyone agrees that they need to be put in their place. But only one woman in America is brave enough to do so: Brooke Collins of Juneau, Alaska, who punched a bear in the face to save her dog.

Coffee mystery! Asteroid deflection! Earth expansion! Fly paranoia! Acoustic cloaking! Bear strings! Homo sapienism! Smartest insect! And stupid fish are all like, "Which hand makes the 'L?'" It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—as best we can!

Life lives! Bears menace! Phone cancer! Asteroid stowaways! Booby bullies! Lab dangers! Electron dancing! Neanderthal crowding! And dangerous health experiments that you can do at home! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—on the road, baby!

What happens when you leave Chicken McNuggets in your car in the the Gila Wilderness of New Mexico? Leroy Griego knows: "A bear destroyed my car looking for Chicken McNuggets," he told Las Cruces Sun-News. And after surveying the damage Dennis O'Keefe, a local bookshop owner who saw Griego's mangled car, chimed in:

We just told you about the bear who stuck its head in a jug and lost 85 pounds. Now a coyote pup's wandering around Washington state with a damn jar on its head and can't eat anything.

If you thought Sam Mazzola, the "exotic-animal owner" whose bear killed one of its trainers last year, had already used up his lifetime allotment of tabloid headlines, think again! Mazzola was found dead on Sunday, "wearing a leather mask with the eyes and mouth zipped shut and a two-piece metal sphere covering his head." Apparently, he choked on a sex toy.

A grizzly protecting her cubs attacked a couple at Yellowstone, killing the husband. It's the first fatal attack there in 25 years, but the third in the region this year. Officials say the bear "behaved normally" and wouldn't be killed.

New York gay about town and Barneys creative director Simon Doonan just sold a manuscript for a diet book called Gay Men Don't Get Fat. While this is true, the real reason why gay men don't get fat might not be the most marketable message.

Under a nice Global Times headline, "World's oldest panda kicks bucket," we learn the sad news that Ming Ming, the world's oldest giant panda bear, died of old age at the Xiangjiang Wild Animal World in China on May 7. She was 34.

A group of hibernating black bears who supposedly worked as security guards for some alleged Farmer Potpusher in British Columbia should be waking up really soon, says B.C. province's environmental minister. If the bears don't learn how to forage fast, they might be goners.

Police in Gothenberg, Sweden are looking for a furry who committed armed robbery and fired a few shots at a local bank. Their first challenge: Figuring out whether the robber was a monkey or a bear.