According to a Daily News poll, 12 percent of New York Democrats have bedbugs, while only 2 percent of Republicans do. Whoever can come up with the most completely insane theory about this gets a late-afternoon show on Fox News!

The bedbugs are spreading: Now they're at the Brooklyn DA's office.

A CNN employee has just forwarded us an alarming email that she and her colleagues received informing them that bedbugs have infested the Time Warner Center. Will they bring down America's largest media company, from the inside? Yes. Memo below!

We've long feared it, and now the national news media is confirming it. Bedbugs truly are going to be the modern-day plague that o'erwhelms us all. National infestations are growing rapidly and you know who's to blame? The children.

We will not be copacetic! The bedbug menace grows and grows every day, infesting various halls of industry and power. Their latest assault is on the written word. Yes, bed bugs have invaded publishing.

These are bleak days for American consumers. We have no money, all the malls are closing, and everywhere we look some trusted brand is being attacked or irrevocably changed. Let's take a look at the news of today's commercial decay.

Yes, bedbugs are annoying little fuckers. They give you little bites, and make you wash all your clothes and maybe throw out your old couch. If they force a temporary shutdown of Hollister, that's fine. But they're god's creatures too.

Bedbugs are destroying New York! Invading CBS, teen-dream clothing store Hollister, and now Hollister's cooler older brother, Abercrombie & Fitch. Their South Street Seaport location is closed while they deal with an infestation. Meanwhile, the Aéropostale people giddily pop champagne.

First it was SoHo's naked-man-and-boardshort emporium Hollister. Now one of CBS' New York offices is being cleaned after an infestation of bedbugs. Nowhere is safe, people. Remember: If you don't go into the office, then the bedbugs have won!

If you've ever walked down Broadway just south of Houston Street, you know the Hollister. There are always shirtless lifeguard-type boys outside, urging you in? It's quite effective! Not so effective? Bedbugs, which are what the store is currently battling.

The Way We Live Now: expanding our horizons. This economy won't get better any time soon. It's time we start looking for new, horrific opportunities. Immigrant farmworker? Bedbug lawyer? Soda tax-er? It's all "on the table." (Table not included).

If you've ever watched Seinfeld, then you know Jerry is a big Mets fan. Tonight, he visited the Mets' booth with Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez for a few innings. Lady Gaga came up, and Jerry did not hold back.

Bedbugs are creatures with a strong sense of social justice. They tend to attack deserving targets, like Fox News and massive ad agencies (and you?). The latest righteous bedbug victim: Goldman Sachs, baby.

The bed bug infestation continues to take New York by storm. The latest victim? International advertising firm Saatchi & Saatchi. Could middle American fashion temple JC Penney be at fault?

Galleycat says that employees of a certain large publishing house will be locked out of the office until Monday morning while exterminators deal with a bedbug infestation there. An inside tipster tells us which publisher it is:

Your sinking stock portfolio might not be the only thing keeping you up at night. Bedbug complaints in the city jumped 34 percent last year, according to New York vs. Bed Bugs, a bedbug advocacy group (yes, there is such a thing), which identified Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Midtown as the three biggest "hot spots." Sweet dreams! [NYDN]

Bedbugs aren't just for dirty hovels like Fox News and hipster Bushwick. The filthy bloodsuckers have allegedly infested the very flower of our national womanhood—the offices of Marie Claire:

Alan Schnurman, the lawyer representing Fox News bedbug victim Jane Clark, explains the origin of the infestation: "My position is that it comes from foreigners...Because it became so inexpensive for foreigners to travel here, I believe they brought it into our hotel system." God, we knew it was a bad sign he called his client "Joan" yesterday. Just show the pictures and keep your mouth shut, Schnurman! You'll ruin everything! [NYO]

Jane Clark, the former Fox News employee who is now suing the company that managed the network's bedbug-infested headquarters, had a press conference today where she showed off the results of her vicious multiple bitings at the hands of the bloodthirsty insects. Take heed, potential Fox News guests: this may be the fate that awaits you! Two more graphic photos of Clark's welt-ridden neck, after the jump.

The victims of the Fox News bedbug infestation are fighting back! Former Fox employee Joan Clark has filed a lawsuit claiming that she has post-traumatic stress disorder from being attacked by bedbugs multiple times at the Fox News headquarters. She says she was bitten by the voracious creatures last October, last November, and just last month. She even claims that her entire department was relocated in a futile attempt to escape the bloodsucking insects! The building owner and maintenance company are named in the lawsuit, and Clark has filed a Worker's Comp claim against News Corp. itself. The full press release detailing her suit is below. We've contacted Fox (which may already be planning its revenge) and Clark's lawyer's for further info. THIS STORY IS FAR FROM OVER.