• Although Tiger Woods and his wife remain "in seclusion" at their home in Florida (and are supposedly involved in "intense" marital counseling sessions), their lawyers are still ironing out a revised pre-nup. One report suggests Woods would pay his wife $5 million immediately and then $55 million if she stays with him for another two years; all she'd have to do is suck up any semblance of pride and sign a nondisclosure agreement. Meanwhile, sources indicate that Tiger was working on a deal to pay Rachel Uchitel $1 million to keep her trap shut, she hasn't taken any money from him (yet), and canceled her press conference yesterday because she was "scared for her safety." What else do we know? That Tiger is painfully insecure about his tiny calves, for one thing.
• In an interview with Glamour, Sarah Jessica Parker says she has "enormous regrets" about filming the Sex and the City sequel since because she didn't want to miss being home with her two baby daughters for one moment. Let's all hope the millions she makes from the movie more than makes up for it. [Us]
• Is 15-year-old Tallulah Willis (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) dating 16-year-old Patrick Schwarzenegger (son of Arnold and Maria)? Possibly, although Bruce's rep is now denying it. [P6]

Hollywood gays: Stay in the closet! That's what Rupert Everett ("Another Country," "My Best Friend's Wedding") told the UK's Guardian. Even though you may be happier in the end, your career will suck, which is the most important thing.

• Are Jude Law and Sienna Miller back together? That's what it looked like when the duo were seen cavorting at The Box last Thursday, but reps for the two are denying it. [NYDN]
• Either Jay-Z is a really thoughtful husband or Beyoncé is a bit of a control freak, but Jay refused to take photos with the models at the Victoria's Secret fashion show last week supposedly "out of respect" for his wife. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has officially taken Seal's last name and is now Heidi Samuel. Please update your address books, thanks. [People]
• The American Music Awards took place last night. Some highlights: Taylor Swift won three awards; Michael Jackson won four posthumous prizes; Lady Gaga set a piano on fire; Adam Lambert's S&M-themed closing act involved getting a mock blowjob and kissing a male band member; and Jennifer Lopez fell down on her most famous asset, but she managed to pick herself up and carry on as if nothing had happened. [People, MSNBC, TMZ]

RobPatz and K-Stew are doing it, a lot, instead of promotions. Jay-Z doesn't want to piss off Beyonce. Christie Brinkley: psycho. Diddy: birthday boy. Marv Albert Vs. 50 Cent? Fight of the year! Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• The feud between Al Roker and America's most despicable couple continues. After the Today show canceled an interview with Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Spencer took to Twitter to air his rage: "I thought you were out of town getting your stomache [sic] staped [sic] again... Do you always look like your [sic] about to die?" One thing that's clear here: Spencer should have paid more attention in English class. [Us]
• Brat Packer Anthony Michael Hall—who is about to kick off a guest stint on NBC's Community—has been ordered to stay away from his ex, Diana Falzone, a "relationship expert" who writes for the Huffington Post and hosts a show on Sirius. Falzone was granted a restraining order after Hall allegedly broke down her door last week and "bashed her head against a wall." [P6]
• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden secured a restraining order against two paparazzi who Richie says have been harassing her. Is it just us, or are restraining orders becoming all the rage? [TMZ]
• MTV has premiered Beyoncé's new video for "Video Phone" featuring a special guest appearance by Lady Gaga. In a surprising twist, it's Lady Gaga who looks fairly normal and Beyoncé who looks a little freaky. [MTV, NYP]

Beyonce and Lady Gaga leak a clip from their forthcoming music video; Levi Johnston disguises himself as the Unabomber; at least one member of Congress thinks Carrie Prejean should run for office. Welcome to Tuesday's gossip.

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z making plans to have a baby? Perhaps. In a recent interview, Jay "let it slip that procreating is high on the duo's priority list right now." [NYDN]
• Madonna seems to be taking the next step with boyfriend Jesus Luz. She's reportedly jetting to Brazil to meet Luz's parents, including his mom who happens to be fifteen years younger than Madonna. This shouldn't be awkward at all! [Sun]
• Michael Lohan hasn't been sharing his daughter's dramatic phone calls with the world out of the goodness of his heart. He apparently first tried to sell them to various TV networks for $100,000, but ended up striking a deal with Radar, which has Gosselin giving them up for free but getting paid for an interview. Meanwhile, the latest Lohan phone call has been released. [P6, Radar]

Gisele Bundchen walking down the street just after having lunch at Blue Ribbon yesterday ... Matt Damon heading to the set of The Adjustment Bureau with his wife and daughters ... Naomi Watts carrying a bag of groceries from Whole Foods ... Gerard Butler riding a bike in SoHo ... Samuel L. Jackson shooting scenes for The Other Guys ... Courteney Cox and David Arquette shopping in SoHo and later going to dinner ... America Ferrera filming scenes for Ugly Betty downtown ... Beyoncé and Jay-Z eating at Nello's on Madison Avenue ... Chace Crawford and Blake Lively walking on the set of Gossip Girl ... and Jude Law playing soccer in the West Village with sons Rudy and Rafferty.

The Muslim Brotherhood In Egypt is a political organization that once included Sayyid Qutb, the man who inspired Al-Qaeda. It was founded to promote Islamic law, oppress women etc. And now it wants to keep Beyonce out of Egypt!

• The Letterman mess rolls on. The Late Show host issued another apology on his show last night, describing how the scandal has impacted his wife, Regina Lasko ("She's been horribly hurt by my behavior"), and kindly pointing out that he's not having sex with any of his current staffers. Meanwhile, Stephanie Birkitt, the woman at the center of the "scandal," supposedly wrote in her diary that she was dating alleged extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman and sleeping with Letterman as recently as last fall, leading Halderman to flip out when he read her diary in December. [NYP, NYDN]
• So are Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem engaged? While Cruz's rep went with "no comment," Bardem's flack said, "I really don't know, but would not be able to say anything even if I did." That sounds like a "yes" to us! [People]
• Celebrity chef Todd English skipped out of his wedding at the last minute this past weekend. His jilted bride went ahead with the party anyway, while English headed to South Beach to hit the bars and clubs. Classy. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has filed documents to change her name to "Heidi Samuel," since that's Seal's last name. Please update your address book accordingly. [TMZ]

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos leaving the gym ... Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr going to brunch at Bubby's in Tribeca... Oliver Stone talking to his crew on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Sienna Miller reading a script while sitting outside Cafe Gitane on Mott Street ... Will Ferrell walking around on the set of The Other Guy ... Zoe Kravitz leaving the premiere of Precious with dad Lenny ... Beyoncé arriving at a Billboard Music event at the Pierre Hotel ... Chace Crawford leaving his trailer on the Gossip Girl set ... Mischa Barton walking her dog downtown ... and Lady Gaga leaving the Saturday Night Live after-party at DBGB.

Being a movie star — or motherhood — makes Sarah Jessica Parker look sleepy. TLC learns its Gosselin lesson. Quentin Tarantino loves sequels. And Katy Perry teaches us the power of tit-pics. TGIF, you attractive devils! It's your gossip roundup!

Is this show called A Gay Guy, Two Pregnant Chicks, and a Pizza Place That Sponsors a Football Team, because last night, that's what it was. What it lacked in music it made up for in soul—and Beyoncé.

• Bethenny Frankel isn't going to be happy about this one bit, but her Real Housewives of New York City co-star, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is going to appear semi-nude in the December issue of Playboy. The 40-year-old reality TV star won't have to worry about competing with the women almost half her age who normally grace the magazine's pages: The photos were reportedly taken by her ex-husband, photographer Gilles Bensimon, "several years ago." [In Touch, P6]
• Jennifer Aniston was reportedly in tears over a scene for her flick The Bounty because it reminded her of Brad Pitt. The actress supposedly pulled it together to shoot her lines, but the source said, "privately she is still very fragile." Her rep denies it ever happened. But if it did happen, Jen probably needs a better therapist. [P6]
• Topper Mortimer and his girlfriend, Vogue editor Valerie Boster hit the New Yorkers for Children Fall Gala on Tuesday night... as did Topper's ex, Tinsley. Val was reportedly "not happy," but luckily, they all weren't seated together so there was no WASP throwdown. [P6]

• Does Lindsay Lohan have a beef with Taylor Momsen? At the G-Star show on Tuesday night, LiLo (with sister Ali in tow) refused to pose for pics and then started casting aside seating cards for celebs like Juliette Lewis, Christian Siriano, and Gossip Girl emo teen Taylor Momsen. When event staff intervened, Lindsay got all aggro and dropped an F-bomb, naturally. But give the girl a break. She was apparently just trying to position herself near her crush, True Blood’s Ryan Kwanten. [P6, NYDN]
• At the G-Star after-party at the Bowery Hotel later that night, Mischa Barton was a little unsteady on her feet and was slurring her words. She then hit the DJ booth, where she "danced in her own world" for an hour. [P6]
• While other celebs were at Fashion Week, Chris Brown rocked a neon orange vest over, quite appropriately, a wife-beater, back home in Richmond, Virginia. He started his year-long community service for assaulting Rihanna by picking up trash and cleaning police horse stables. Next up, graffiti removal and washing cars! [Us, NYDN]

Lindsay Lohan tried to pull rank on Taylor Momsen — and failed. Megan Fox successfully summed herself up. And Princess Margaret burned Princess Diana. Oh, yeah! It's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

When Guest of a Guest speculated that last night's Kanye West-Taylor Swift incident at the VMAs was scripted it sent a shockwave through Gawker HQ. Brian Moylan thinks it's fake and Richard Rushfield thinks it's real. Punches are being thrown!

Kanye West is "SOOOOO" sorry he ruined Taylor Swift's big night. Yeah, right.

Tonight's VMA awards were messy. The transitions were sloppy. The performances were so-so. And the emotional outbursts were, well, tacky. Our evidence: Kanye West upstaging Taylor Swift's big win.

Beyoncé turns 28 today. Mark Ronson is turning 34. Police commissioner Ray Kelly is 68. Congressman Anthony Weiner is turning 45. Hotelier/restaurateur Sean MacPherson turns 45. Paper magazine co-founder David Hershkovits is turning 62. Damon Wayans is 49. Retired baseball player Mike Piazza is 41. And Dr. Drew Pinsky is celebrating his 51st. Weekend birthdays below.