• Beyonce's fans disobeyed her orders not to put her onstage stair-tumbling in concert routine up on YouTube. Those jerks. It's here. [Page Six]
  

• " If Paris wasn't born, she would have to be invented. If she did not form naturally, we'd have to build one of her," Andrea Peyser finally realizes. Um, clearly. Because there is almost no gossip today that isn't about her. [NYP]

• HuffPo planet-lover Laurie David apparently could not take any more of Larry David's wacky antics. (Tardy! We divorced him last season.) [Page 6]
  

While TMZ's valiant efforts to reveal the list of industry parties possibly tainted by Wolfgang Puck's hepatitis-infected pre cook have so far been stymied by the combination of a tight-lipped Health Department and the shadowy Hollywood Event-Catering Industrial Complex, their TV-based corporate siblings at Extra have managed to advance this important work: According to a press release, they've received confirmation from a publicist that Beyoncé passed on all the tempting—but possibly dangerous!—trays of hors d'oeuvres waved under her nose at Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue bash at the Pacific Design Center on February 14th, the Party Zero of the ongoing hep-A pandemic that's terrorizing the city. She's safe! There's still no update on the status of Visual Effects Society awards banquet attendees George Lucas and John Landis, but TMZ's earlier story about the at-risk directors seems to have disappeared; hopefully, the site's warnings about the scare reached them before its deletion and they've taken the necessary medical precautions.

· Celine Dion, the French Canadian chanteuse extraordinaire with seemingly insurmountable daddy issues, will be premiering a new song at the Oscars: "I Knew I Loved You," an Ennico Morricone composition with all new lyrics by Alan and Marilyn "Papa Can You Hear Me?" Bergman. [AP]
· Five time Grammy nominee James Blunt will be performing at Elton John's annual Oscar party at the Pacific Design Center. Whether that's an improvement or not over last year's entertainment, triple Grammy winner John Legend, we couldn't tell you, though it doesn't exactly surprise us that Elton's a real adult-contemporary Grammy whore. [ABCNews]
· Melissa Etheridge, nominated for An Inconvenient Truth's "I Need to Wake Up," compares the Oscars to the Grammys: "Being an Oscar nominee is a hundred times more intense. It's old school. They have rules—and they do things by the rules. The Grammys are more laid back." Translation: You're far less likely to stumble across a hastily scrawled sign reading, "DOIN SOME GROUPIES. DO NOT DISTURB" backstage at the Oscars. (But it's not out of the realm of possibility.) [LA Daily News]
· Bill Condon is putting together a Dreamgirls reunion performance, featuring Jennifer Hudson and "my Dreamgirls sisters," as she put it at Monday's luncheon. They'll start rehearsing just as soon as they can convince an increasingly unhinged Beyoncé to emerge from the bathroom in which she's been running a lipstick over her mouth while rocking back and forth and repeating, "You're still prettier, babygirl!" since last Thursday. [Orlando Sentinel]

• Project Runway mini-spoiler: model Jia Santos makes it to the final three, but her chances at victory are, uh, spoiled when she gets hit by a bus. She's been in intensive care for a month; Bravo execs are thrilled by the potential ratings and send flowers. [Gatecrasher]
• Philippe owner Stratis Morfogen claims that Bonnie Fuller pulled a Star feature on the restaurant after she was forced to wait 20 minutes for a table. Too bad; Star is world-renowned for its dining coverage. [Page Six]
• Beyonce gets slapped with a $1.5 million lawsuit from the businessman who helped broker the launch of her fashion label, claiming that she owes him a good deal of money. [Lowdown]
• Angelina Jolie gets SWF on Jennifer Aniston, reportedly taking a role originally written for Aniston. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt scratches his ass. [TMZ]
• After Hilary Swank sold him out for the sake of a bikini-clad Vanity Fair cover, Chad Lowe cuts himself a line and finds a new ho. [Us Weekly]
• Chevy Chase has such a great relationship with his daughter, he can openly call her a whore. [Page Six]

• Brandon Davis checks into Malibu's Passages rehab center, not to be confused with Malibu's Promises rehab center. For $75,000 a month, they'll help Davis treat his addiction to firecrotches and Paris Hilton's coke spoon. [InTouch]
• Unfortunately for Page Six, their top story is that Davis had refused to go. Those damn newspaper deadlines. [Page Six]
• For the first time, Tom Cruise has had a project taken away from him and given to a less crazy movie star by the name of George Clooney. We're still conflicted about Clooney, but he's better than Cap'n Crazyfuck. [Fox411]
• Vince Vaughn's mother invests $25 million into a fraudulent hedge fund. Vince Vaughn invests $25 million into keeping her away from the family bank account. [R&M]
• Kevin Federline has a job — and, unlike the hip-hop gig, this one pays actual money. He's modeling for Blue Marlin clothing, and Britney's so proud that he can sit still for the cameras like a big boy. [Page Six]
• Michael Eisner has no idea where he is, what he's done, or who he's talking to. [Lowdown]
• PETA goes after Beyonce Knowles, interrupting her overpriced omakase at Nobu to interrogate her about the use of fur in her clothing line. TMZ has the video, but it just shows Solange Knowles looking bored out of her mind. [TMZ]