Beyonce and Jay-Z may have failed to trademark "Blue Ivy," but they have successfully patented true love and happiness.

Finally a brave Cleveland radio jockey has asked Barack Obama the hard-hitting political question of the election: What do he and Jay-Z, you know, talk about?

In what will hopefully become tradition for all future Super Bowls, the Associated Press is reporting that Beyoncé has signed on to perform at the half-time show of Super Bowl XLVII in February.

Fortified by a squad of security guards, Jay-Z decided to take the scenic route to his final Barclays Center concert on Saturday, slumming it with the unwashed masses in an R train to Brooklyn.

Based on numbers alone, you could look at Solange Knowles as this era's answer to La Toya Jackson (although even La Toya went Top 40 on the U.S. R&B singles chart a few times). She is the decidedly less successful sibling of a musical icon (Beyoncé, duh), although the desperation that tainted her earlier work (even her relatively respected sophomore album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams) has by now evaporated.

United States President Barack Obama paid his respects to Queen Bey and her manservant Jay-Z at a $40,000-a-head campaign fundraiser hosted by the couple at Jay-Z's 40/40 club last night. These three probably email one another all the time.

For as long as Man has possessed the infinite gift of language, he has used his tool to wonder aloud: Are Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian friends?

Today is Beyoncé's 31st birthday. For some celebrities, Beyoncé's birthday is a chance to prove, publicly, how close they are with Beyoncé. For other celebrities, it is a chance to remind Beyoncé that they and she were in the same popular R&B group from 2000-2004. For everyone else, it marks the start of the Christmas season.

Now that Anderson Cooper has revealed to the world he's gay and he don't give a damn, he can start giving the people what they really want: awkward videos starring himself and Beyoncé.

Few things in life are as entrancing as Beyoncé's tumblr. Through it, Beyoncé invites viewers ("beys" in the beywildering language of her cultish manifesto) to accompany their Queen on a yacht-based Odyssey as she attempts to discover What is Art.

Flawless goddess Beyoncé has plenty of admirers, but recent high-profile endorsements from her peers are almost disturbingly hyperbolic.

Beyoncé was spotted shopping Wednesday with Earth's favorite and most important baby, Blue Ivy Carter.

YouTuber kkpalmer1000 is a big fan of Beyoncé's music, so, naturally, he put on a blue Snuggie and recorded a shot-for-shot lip-dub remake of her music video for "Countdown."

Last night's BET Awards featured a 20+ minute extravaganza tribute to Whitney Houston that included Mariah Carey talking about herself (...and Whitney), Monica blowing the doors off the place with a cover of "I Love the Lord" (from The Preacher's Wife) and Chaka Khan reclaiming the song that Whitney once made her own, "I'm Every Woman."

All eyes were on Croatia for half a second Tuesday after an old video of a pregnant Beyoncé standing next to a blue tree and drawling some mess about how it appeared to be covered in blue ivy was "discovered."

It's been days since one of Beyoncé's back-up dancers tweeted a picture of herself posing with Kim Kardashian backstage at Beyoncé's triumphant return to the spotlight in glitzy Atlantic City, and the world is still no closer to knowing whether Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian are friends or enemies or frenemies or indifferent or one of them thinks they're friends and the other one is like "I don't know that person" or what.

Justin Bieber becomes a criminal battery suspect. Cynthia Nixon marries her girlfriend. Lindsay Lohan flees a $40,000 tanning salon bill. David Beckham likes to eat babies. Tuesday gossip is for old times' sake.

When it comes to Beyoncé, conspiracy theories abound — and damn it, it's fun to speculate. But for the first time since she gave birth to the littlest Illuminati Blue Ivy, Bey is willing to address those who said she was never pregnant to begin with.

SHOCKER! No, not shocker. The other one. The one that's not a shocker.

Earlier this week, The Beyoncé tumblr went live. And there was much rejoicing: across the web, gossip sites and news organizations alike trumpeted her decision to cultivate a web presence. Various articles figure the "release" of the site in vaguely mystical terms: Beyoncé celebrated her fourth anniversary with Jay-Z on April 4th (4/4); she was "born" onto the web on 4/5.