Beyonce, the World's Tiniest Puppy who cheated death and lived to be adorable, visited our favorite bags-'o-booze on the Today Show this morning. Beyonce was accompanied by her miniature brothers and sisters.

Sand boobs. What a fun gal.

Let's come together and welcome the legendary Beyoncé Knowles to Tumblr, where she joins her sister Solange in the land of 500 Days of Summer GIFs soft-focus black-and-white porn with a series of what look like vacation shots. Watch Beyoncé play Connect 4! See her boring home videos with Jay-Z! Marvel at Jigga's terrible fashion choices! [I AM]

Remember Beyonce? She is two weeks old and was born weighing only four ounces. This may make her the smallest puppy in the world, ABC News reports. She may also be the world's most hard-luck puppy:

A puppy so small and delicate she makes other puppies look like oafish Grendelian monsters is now up for adoption in California. The best detail of this story is that the 4-oz dog's name is Beyoncé, so when you read her harrowing biography (won't take long; she's only two weeks old), you can pretend you are reading about Beyoncé the First, Mother of Blue Ivy, Queen of All She Sees.

Where do you go from a misguided cover of "Niggas in Paris"? Dissing Beyoncé sounds about right. While discussing a potential collaboration with Rihanna on BBC 1, Perry noted that she doesn't want to rush things. And then she got passive-aggressive.

But the bar with Madison Square Garden, and they were just another bunch of awkward celebrity seat mates at an NBA game. NYDN notes that Beyonce's nails are blue, "presumably in a nod to her baby daughter back home."

Beyonce and Jay-Z posted the first pictures of baby Blue Ivy Carter to their personal tumblr, helloblueivy. The photos, the tumblr's single post, are accompanied by a hand-written note that reads:

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their daughter Blue Ivy? Possibly because they are exceedingly wealthy celebrities for whom the act of procreation is chiefly an exercise in branding... or because "Blue Ivy" is a secret code revealing her membership in an ancient and all-powerful occult secret society. Which could it be??

As the world sat glued to their media display devices awaiting the latest Beyoncé BabyWatch developments, one man — a 48-year-old resident of Ohio — whiled away the holiday weekend in a state of blissful Beyoncé ignorance. Not only was he unaware that a Lil-Z might shimmy out from between her million-dollar legs at any given moment, he had no clue that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were even married. We know, we know — shocking. Still, it doesn't seem quite bad enough to earn him a stabbing.

Or she might not be. All day, rumors have been swirling that Beyonce had reserved half of St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital's "luxury labor and delivery floor," and would be giving birth sometime on Wednesday.

Daniel Craig ridicules Kourtney Kardashian's placenta. Kellan Lutz gives himself a "Hitler Youth" hairdo. Ali Lohan wonders whether Dina will let her get plastic surgery. Ashton Kutcher hangs out with a cow. Wednesday gossip is full of hate.

After three years of dating a real, live celebrity Adam Shulman puts a ring on it. Hugh Jackman's wife complains about his gay rumors. Demi Moore "steps out" with a man. Kim Kardashian gives up on "fairy tale" love. Tuesday gossip is something blue.

Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

Blake and Ryan do nothing but stay home and walk their dogs. Kelly Rowland says Beyonce is having a girl. Jamie Lynn Spears makes her country singer-songwriter debut. And can you guess who Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pictorial is "inspired" by? Tuesday gossip wears a Slanket and eats soup.

Beyonce released the video for "Love On Top" today, which she famously performed at the VMAs after announcing she was pregnant. An apparent homage to New Edition's "If It Isn't Love" video, here's hoping Beyonce's latest doesn't stir up charges of stolen choreography again.

It's time we talk about the most important part of the Occupy Wall Street protests: just what celebrities are wearing when they visit! But don't worry, we also find time to pick on Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Michelle Williams, Heidi Klum, Christina Aguilera, and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Lindsay Lohan's probation is at risk again, but people are mostly worried about her teeth. Ashton's mistress makes a video. Adam Levine is naked, again. Hilary Duff is four months pregnant. Friday gossip wonders if the toothbrushes are better in jail.

Ashton's hot blonde lover tells all. Kristen Stewart says her teachers failed her. Beyonce says her bump is real. Rashida Jones poses in bunny ears and calls penises "unsexy." Wednesday gossip lasts for hours.

Demi and Ashton go camping and yell at a photographer. After occupying Wall Street, Kanye West went shopping. Jessica Simpson rubs her possibly-pregnant belly. Paz de la Huerta considers herself "one of the rare artists that are left." Tuesday gossip atones.