The world's softest celebrity beef just got a little softer. At last night's Smashing Pumpkins show, Billy Corgan unveiled a new message to foe Anderson Cooper, rendered in cat-adorned organic cotton: "FUCK YOU."

If you look deep enough into his eyes, you will see through the void and into Heaven, where God will bless you with a divine truth: that Billy Corgan holding cats on a local animal shelter magazine is what will bring us eternal salvation.

What's Smashing Pumpkins bandleader Billy Corgan up to these days you ask? Oh, not much.

To coincide with the release of Oceania — the upcoming studio album from the latest iteration of the Smashing Pumpkins (now featuring the girl from the cover of Siamese Dream!) — frontman Billy Corgan decided to drum up some publicity by picking a fight with Radiohead.

Alternative rock god Billy Corgan is miffed that a recently-reunited Pavement is trying to steal his thunder at a show with the Smashing Pumpkins in Brazil, so he's reviving the most boring rock "beef" of all time on Twitter.

His cousin is officially a Scientologist—but terrified of being associated with Tom. Lady Gaga's sister trains to take the stage. Bombshell McGee sells stripper videos. Phil Spector gets beat up in prison. Come and get your Sunday gossip.

Jessica Simpson refuses to call Billy Corgan her boyfriend, but "If I am going through a hard time I definitely would talk to Billy." She has fallen for the oldest romantic gambit in the book: the Sneaky Nice Guy Lover.

An "intuitive psychic" healer named Aiden is her new manager. James Brown's body goes missing from its crypt. Socialite shocked to discover racism, anti-semitism, homophobia make you unpopular. Corey Haim died of a too-big heart. Friday gossip is so alone.

With her latest stab at relevancy—a new single and a VH1 show—Jessica Simpson is yet again being shoved down our collective gullet. It's time for this uninteresting, talentless person to take a hike. Forever!

LiLo is tardy to the party. Gabourey Sidibe says 'no' to Oprah. Nicole Kidman loses a role to a 17-year-old Disney star. Sandra Bullock prepares for the Oscars by stocking up on tissue. Saturday gossip deals with rejection.

• The messiest TV feud in years may be nearing its end. Conan O'Brien and NBC are said to be close to signing a deal that would allow Conan to walk away from The Tonight Show with $32.5 million in hand. He wouldn't be able to host a show on another network until September under terms of the agreement. And it remains unclear if he'll be able to take some of the memorable characters he created with him, like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or the Masturbating Bear. [TMZ]
• Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Probably not, but she's reportedly hooking up with Gerard Butler again. After taking pictures together on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, Aniston and Butler were supposedly seen "making out" backstage and were "attached at the hip all night." [P6]
• Madonna may be looking to add to her collection of kids. According to a Brit tabloid, the 51-year-old singer wants to have a baby with her Brazilian boytoy Jesus Luz since she has "endless love in her heart for another child." [Sun]
• Tiger Woods may be staying at Pine Grove, a sex rehab facility in Mississippi, if you happen to be looking for him, or you just need the name of a place that will treat your own compulsion to sleep with hookers and waitresses. [Us]

• Remember the dust-up a couple of weeks ago when it was reported that Beyoncé had performed for the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi in St. Bart's on New Year's Eve? Photos of the concert have now surfaced, although the worst thing about them may be how Beyoncé looks like she's the headliner at a tacky club in New Jersey. [DM]
• Is Bethenny Frankel trying to pull a Star Jones? It seems Frankel has been approaching vendors and asking them to "sponsor" her wedding: She'd get their services gratis and, in exchange, they'd get a mention on her upcoming reality show, Bethenny's Getting Married. The only problem with Bethenny's grand scheme? She hasn't had much luck finding companies interested in taking part. [NYDN]
• Here's a great idea: David Letterman has reportedly invited Conan O'Brien to appear as a guest on his show. Cross your fingers! [PopEater]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have not broken up, in case you were concerned. According to friends, he'd committed to working on a film in Wyoming, which is is why he didn't climb Mt. Kilimanjaro alongside Biel. It's not because he didn't want to, say, spend a week living with the love of his life in a tent. He would have totally done it if he could have. Really. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated $1 million yesterday to Doctors Without Borders to fund emergency medical operations in Haiti. As for whether Tiger Woods really paid to send a plane full of medical supplies to the devastated nation, that's a (pretty unlikely) story that Russell Simmons has been circulating, though Tiger's reps have yet to confirm it. But it wouldn't be the worst way to begin rebuilding his image, come to think of it. [Us, TMZ]

Tila Tequila recently tweeted, "I HAVE NO FRIENDS!" But once, she did. An ex-boyfriend tells Gawker about the gap between Tila's "gangbanger" youth and famewhoring present: She was an alcohol-intolerant straight-edger with a split personality and unyielding ambition.

A newly unengaged Uma Thurman heading into an office building (and avoiding questions by waiting paparazzi) ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz walking downtown with their son Bronx ... Sienna Miller hailing a cab downtown ... Jessica Szohr walking to the Gossip Girl set on Central Park West ... Naomi Watts pushing son Sasha in his stroller in SoHo ... Kim Kardashian arriving at Fox News ... Jessica Simpson leaving the Ritz-Carlton with Billy Corgan ... Chris Brown leaving MTV ... and Taylor Swift walking into Otto to have dinner.

The Smashing Pumpkins frontman can now add Jessica Simpson as another notch in his rather unfortunate bedpost. Billy, it's time to stop dating below you and get back to work doing something great. We have suggestions.

We were not invited to the star-studded New York screening of A Single Man or the afterparty at Monkey Bar last night. Somehow fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern wrangled her way in. Here is her report.

• Although Tiger Woods and his wife remain "in seclusion" at their home in Florida (and are supposedly involved in "intense" marital counseling sessions), their lawyers are still ironing out a revised pre-nup. One report suggests Woods would pay his wife $5 million immediately and then $55 million if she stays with him for another two years; all she'd have to do is suck up any semblance of pride and sign a nondisclosure agreement. Meanwhile, sources indicate that Tiger was working on a deal to pay Rachel Uchitel $1 million to keep her trap shut, she hasn't taken any money from him (yet), and canceled her press conference yesterday because she was "scared for her safety." What else do we know? That Tiger is painfully insecure about his tiny calves, for one thing.
• In an interview with Glamour, Sarah Jessica Parker says she has "enormous regrets" about filming the Sex and the City sequel since because she didn't want to miss being home with her two baby daughters for one moment. Let's all hope the millions she makes from the movie more than makes up for it. [Us]
• Is 15-year-old Tallulah Willis (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) dating 16-year-old Patrick Schwarzenegger (son of Arnold and Maria)? Possibly, although Bruce's rep is now denying it. [P6]

Fashion designer Alexander McQueen turns 40 today. Rob Lowe is turning 45. Estée Lauder president John Demsey is 53. Kurt Russell is 58. The Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan is turning 42. Actor Gary Sinise is turning 54. The Corrs' Caroline Corr is 36. Former U.S. Rep Cynthia McKinney is 54. Retired soccer star Mia Hamm is 37. And Ice-T's very shy, very modest wife, Nicole "CoCo" Austin, is turning 30.

In a summer where we seemingly can't go a full day without facing down some newer, denser wave of comic-book effluvia, the recently released Watchmen teaser is up there among the more nerve-rattling encounters we've endured. It may just be the destabilizing Billy Corgan whine, or poor Billy Crudup writhing in CGI anguish, or the idea that Zack Snyder is actually the "visionary director of 300" to which the ad copy refers. Or maybe it's just that the only teasers that seem to captivate our attention any longer feature either vaguely racist chihuahua dance numbers, Brad Pitt aging backwards in Spanish or some permutation of men saving Earth — usually brooding and often in slow-motion. Maybe it's just that we need to get out more. In any case, here you go. Did we mention Billy Corgan whines? Never mind. [Empire]