In Hipsterville did Alex Blagg
A super douchebag-dome decree:
Where Pabst, the sacred liquid, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party girdled round:
And there were fat girls bright with sinuous rolls,
Where blossomed many a coke-snorting cooze;
And here were kids who dressed like trolls,
Ladies and gents, it's Blue States Lose!
Friday's bout of server intransigence brought about several tragedies, but the biggest loss was Alex Blagg's weekly critique of the silly hipster photos pockmarking the face of The Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party. But fear not, kids, we seem to be up and running this morning. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a very special Monday edition of Blue States Lose!
What does it profit a man if he loseth his soul but hasn't gaineth'd a Friday afternoon gazing upon pictures of tarted-up hipsters? Nothing, that's what. So why dostn't thou join Alex Blagg on his soul-degrading tour of Last Night's Party and Cobrasnake? After all, when the Lamb broke the Seventh Seal, there was only silence in heaven for about half an hour. Until one of the Horsemen shouted out, "Hey, you guys! It's Alex Blagg with Blue States Lose!"
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be hipsters: and there were hipsters. And God saw the hipsters, that they were stupidly posing in photos for websites like Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and Misshapes, and God said, Let there be someone to mock the hipsters: and there was Alex Blagg. And God looked down upon what He had made, and God said, Ladies and gentleman, it's Blue States Lose!
What's better than a skateboard race in MoMA, better than a naked hipster olympic javelin toss, better than that time you went out barefoot for a cigarette late one August night and immediately felt a big fat slug go *squish* between your toes? Why it's Alex Blagg's weekly tour of the youngster party pics on Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party and Nicky Digital. That's the sexy horrible summer feeling that is Blue States Lose!
Consider the moth: It knows that it will be incinerated by the flame, but it is nonetheless unable to avoid its flickering intensity and fatal embrace. Much like that proverbial insect, Alex Blagg is drawn to the photos of toxic hipsters engaging in their bizarre rituals at Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and, of course, Misshapes. Feel the heat? Prepare to be sizzled: It's Blue States Lose!
"Of course," said the great modernist painter and photographer Man Ray, "there will always be those who look only at technique, who ask 'how', while others of a more curious nature will ask 'why'. Personally, I have always preferred inspiration to information." It is in that spirit that Alex Blagg finds inspiration from the photos of vapid hipsters wasting space at Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and Misshapes. Ready to be inspired? Good: It's Blue States Lose!
We've often heard it said that Alex Blagg is the modern day Clement Greenberg, a sharp, incisive critic who turns his assessments of the party photos of from Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and the rest of them into a larger statement on society as it is currently formulated and what it means for us all. Okay, we haven't heard it said that often, but maybe if we start that buzz up people will buy into it. Either way, it's Blue States Lose!
Since the first caveman made the first wall-painting of greasy-haired loners trying to prove how different they were from other Neanderthals by getting together at ridiculous cave parties and wearing the same retarded outfits, man has found comfort in poking fun of hipster party pictures. Our modern cave paintings come in the form of photos from Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and Misshapes. Alex Blagg is our 21st century equivalent of those early mocking cavemen. Join us on the quest for fire—better known as Blue States Lose!
The great Henri Cartier-Bresson once said that "To photograph is to hold one's breath, when all faculties converge to capture fleeting reality. It's at that precise moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy." Of course, you never caught him hanging around events like the ones featured on Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and Misshapes. Alex Blagg sifts through the wreckage of our modern-day joy. That's right, kids, it's that precise moment known as Blue States Lose!
Once again, Alex Blagg ruins his eyesight gazing at the party pictures from Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and probably some other ones. At this point there's very little more we can say that has already been said. But that's okay. Sometimes silence speaks the most loudest. We guess what we're saying is, hey, it's Blue States Lose!
It's a very special edition of everyone's favorite hipster-hating feature, Blue States Lose! And by very special, we mean that Alex Blagg punked out on us today, so rather than scan endless photos from the Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, MisShapes, and wherever the hell else Blagg usually looks ourselves, we've selected some of the greatest moments from the column thus far. See them again for the very first time. Ladies and gentleman, it's the office picks of the Best of Blue States Lose!
This week, the strain of mocking the hipsters in the pictures from Misshapes, The Cobrasnake, and Last Night's Party finally causes Alex Blagg to snap. The result? A concise drama that recalls Albee at the height of his powers. Please take your seats, the show is about to begin. Turn your cellphones to vibrate, ladies and gentlemen. It's Blue States Lose!
Remember last week when we tried to shake things up by giving you some thumbnails of the actual hipsters Alex Blagg gets paid to pillory? Well, enough of you complained that we've decided we're going right back to plain text! Enjoy your mockery of the party pictures from MisShapes and Ambrel without any spoilers. We've learned our lesson: Never try to change anything. Especially Blue States Lose!
Ladies and germs, Blue States Lose presents to you the top ten Misshapes, Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and possibly Ambrel party photo moments of the week. Your host Alex Blagg knows exactly what sort of humans you must not see to retain your sanity. Pity the real victim—yourself! The eyes! They burn! Take that, Kansas City!
We are currently sitting around on our rapidly-expanding asses waiting for Alex Blagg to finish up his weekly hipster mockery so we can get the hell out of here. We're not going to bother checking to see if the links work or even read the thing, but you can assume it's a bunch of party pictures from Misshapes, The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and possibly Ambrel. Who knows? By the time you read this, we'll be well into our third bourbon at Shark Bar. Anyway, what were we saying? Oh yeah, it's Blue States Lose!
Homosexual bloggers Queerty sit down with Blue States Lose fashion icon and party monster One-Half Nelson.
