Fox's post-World Series line-up is battered by all comers, with new sitcoms Til Death and Happy Hour begging to be put out of their Nielsen misery and the The OC bombing in the post-Coop era. And in a result that makes even NBC executives snicker, "Oh, that shit is embarrassing," Fox was beaten by Univision (who had the Latin Grammys) on the night. [Variety]
· Another way to describe The OC's premiere ratings is "awful." [THR]
Fox gives a series order to David E. Kelley's hour-long wedding planner drama The Wedding Store, which replaces previously announced series The Wedding Album and allows the network to maintain its FCC-mandated levels of nuptial-related programming. [Variety]
The relentlessly publicized Borat is finally opening in 837 theaters, with THR boldly predicting that there's no way the Kazakh can compete with The Santa Clause 3's multiplex-jamming release at 3,458 venues. [THR]
Because what television really needs is more sitcoms about emasculated men: The CW buys Beta Males, about "a trio of guys coping with their lives as domestic caretakers while their girlfriends and wives serve as the breadwinners." [Variety]

· You'd think that on Halloween, people in Santa Monica would be a little suspicious that the Borat trying to engage them might just be an annoying dude with a gray suit and a fake mustache, not the genuine article. Then again, they were all probably pretty drunk.
· Speaking of Borat, it seems that notorious Rolling Stone pullquote whore Peter Travers is pretty pleased with the movie.
· In honor of tonight's The OC premiere: Hey, Mischa!
Howard Stern superfan Tony Pierce lands an interview with Mike Gange, whom we previously believed ceased existing once the E! show went off the air.
This is probably the best poem about Martin Scorsese's eyebrows that you will read today. But don't hold us to that if you find a better one.

This weekend, while many of you are still picking candy corn kernels out of your pubis, we will finally learn whether the coming of Borat—and, looking ahead, Universal's $42 million investment in Bruno—was a matter of the right man at the right time, or yet another overhyped Hollywood fiasco fated to elicit sneers of SoaPy derision for years to come. One thing is certain: The first ones to accuse Borat of having jumped the goat were the Kazakhs themselves, and they still have strong opinions on the subject on the eve of their mainstream debut. A Kazakhstan-in-the-klieg-lights round-up:
· The country's embassy website offers their official "Take on 'Borat,'" in which they claim the movie has "nothing to do with the real Kazakhstan," but that they "hope the movie will spur increased interest" in the country. To help their case, they include a photograph of the recent crowning of a freshly depilated Miss Kazakhstan 2006, Gaukhar Rakhmetalyeva. (Very nice...How much?) [Kazakhstan News Bulletin]
· The populations of Salem, VA and Almaty, KAZ bridge a nearly insurmountable cultural divide with a common desire to literally string up and gut Sacha Baron Cohen: "'I'd kill this impostor on the spot,' said Eltai Muptekeyev, who makes his living in Almaty by posing for photos with a blindfolded falcon clinging to a thick leather glove on his hand." [AP]
· Galymzhan Zhakiyanov, a leader of the opposition party, uses the movie as an opportunity to highlight the current Kazakh administration's shortcomings, saying, "If human rights and freedoms were not being violated, if Kazakhstan did not become famous for its corruption scandals around the world, then Sacha Cohen would've chosen some other country for his jokes." He then removed the blindfold from his own falcon (cellphone technology has not yet reached their borders), tied the statement to its leg, and sent it to the local Reuters bureau. [Reuters]

On Friday, THR brought word of a multistudio bidding war for the worldwide distribution rights to Sacha Baron Cohen's next movie, Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt, an auction obviously timed to maximize the comedian's take before Borat's upcoming, scaled-back release could threaten a market correction for his guerrilla filmmaking services. Today, they follow up with news that Universal won the Bruno sweepstakes with their $42.5 million offer, which they note covers the film's budget and features a "significant backend component," subtle contractual language that we suspect Cohen himself required be included in any report of his agency's eight-figure buggering of the studio. With this deal completed and his considerable Borat promotional responsibilities dispensed of, Cohen can soon begin the crucial work of devising ways to goad Bruno's homeland into a prolonged public war intended to dispel the notion that Austria's population is wholly comprised of neon-mohawked, fashion-obsessed television hosts preoccupied with sexually menacing American college football teams.

While we are not particularly ashamed to admit that we long ago drank the fermented-horse-urine flavored Kool-Aid and that Borat had us at, "Hello, is it now time for make sex with your sister?" we can nonetheless still see why Fox might be afraid that the movie's buzz has outstripped its overall awareness, especially in parts of the country where the ersatz-Kazakh instigator may have narrowly averted a fatal lynching during filming. Inevitably, the studio's prolonged press blitz is draining all the fun from the rape, incest, and Jew-down-the-well jokes that made us fall in love with the incorrigible, sibling-schtupping scamp in the first place, as illustrated by this meet-cute with a CNN reporter:

A giant horsefly has landed in the ointment Borat has been enthusiastically slathering upon his neon-benutslinged body in anticipation of his movie's imminent release: The LAT is reporting that the initial plan of a 2000-screen opening is being scaled back drastically to a not-so-is-nice 800 screens, a tactical move Fox explains away using the kind of creative, textural jargon that trips effortlessly off the tongues of studio suits forced to save face whilst simultaneously massaging the outsized egos of their Kazakh superstars:

Somehow, our invite to last night's Borat premiere at the Chinese Theatre got lost in the mail (the easy joke here is to blame the Kazakh postal service for bungling the task by getting too drunk on fermented horse urine to complete their appointed rounds, then shooting their most reliable delivery-donkey—and if you know anything about us, you know we're constitutionally unable to resist the easy joke), but the wire service photos of the event proved amusing enough that we've assembled the greatest hits into a gallery for your leisurely perusal. As he did at the Toronto Film Festival, Sacha Baron Cohen hired some extras to enhance the experience with the cultural flavor of his adopted home country: peasants dragging bales of hay, ladling the aforementioned, equine-produced hooch, and brazenly offering their sexual wares partied alongside strong-bodied, benutslinged bathers in matching neon swimming caps. Note also the telling photo of Courtney Love, whom a Defamer operative who was actually in attendance noticed falling asleep during the premiere, an unexpected catnap our attendee described thusly: "an impossible feat, to fall asleep during all that laughter, especially for a SOBER person such as she."

Realizing that Borat's imminent opening effectively ends his "innocent Kazakh documentarian who doesn't understand why he can't purchase sex from shopgirls at The Gap" ruse, Sacha Baron Cohen is already working on the next character (fat suit? age make-up? differently colored nut-sling?) he'll inhabit for a top-secret movie he's expected to shoot next summer. [Variety]
In arguments that the FCC must relax their rules on large media conglomerates, CBS manages to get a dig in on NBC: "Four years ago, when the FCC last reviewed its broadcast-ownership rules, the YouTube.com domain name had not even been registered, the first Windows version of the audio iPod was just rolling out, Google was only a search engine, cable companies sold primarily video packages, and telephone companies sold primarily voice service....and NBC was the most popular broadcast network thanks to its high-rated sitcom 'Friends' airing in the first hour of primetime." Ouch. We'll spare you the punchline, where they mention NBC's layoffs. You get the point already. [THR
Charlize Theron helps out boyfriend Stuart Townsend by lending her star power to The Battle in Seattle, his directing debut. Cute! [Variety]
Is it pre-Oscar awards season already? The Independent Film Project announces the nominees for its Gotham Awards, which include Half Nelson, Babel, and Little Miss Sunshine. [THR]
The placement of TV episodes online by networks and studios hardly seems like news anymore, but Fox will show the first two episodes of the new season of The OC on MySpace and their station sites before they air, and Warner Bros, TV hopes to entice people to start watching The Nine by streaming its pilot episode. [Variety]

Like an oxcart pulled by four of the heartiest, mustachioed women in all the village, the publicity machine is rolling full speed ahead for the big screen debut of the world's most radical men's swimwear revisionist, Borat Sagdiyev. The first four minutes of the film are now available for viewing on YouTube—clearly the fiendish handiwork of the greedy, mischief-making Jew-devils in charge of Fox marketing—and Borat has been quick to align himself with fellow like-minded movie icons at recent press appearances:

Between Kazakhstan's president's White House summit to discuss the culture-tarnishing scourge represented by Borat, yesterday's currency snafu, and today's comically conciliatory attempt to invitate Sacha Baron Cohen to their modern, non-women-enslaving country, it now seems clear that 20th Century Fox has purchased (or, at the very least, rented out) the entire Central Asian nation for the purpose of publicizing their upcoming movie. Reports the AP:

Amazingly, this Reuters story neglects to mention how the Kazakh currency snafu might impact Sacha Baron Cohen's publicity-attracting cultural offensive against Borat's country of origin, but we're confident that the comedian will quickly seize on this latest opportunity by releasing an in-character statement declaring that the defective notes are "not legal tender for make-sex payments to our glorious nation's sister-prostitutes."

Yesterday, we offered you some helpful Halloween costume ideas based on your favorite mother/daughter celebrity tag-teams, but we recognize that many revelers prefer to express their sartorial creativity in a more individual way. So allow us to direct you to this eBay auction offering a recreation of the jaw-droppingly sexy, neon, over-the-shoulder nutsling so ably modeled by Borat in his upcoming feature film, sure to be the hottest costume for this year's rapidly approaching holiday. The item's rather modest use of material might seem ill-suited to colder climates, but we believe that only adds to its appeal—the stunned looks you'll receive after unveiling your Kazakh-fabulous look will only be intensified when fellow party guests realize that your shivering is causing the genitals gently supported swimsuit's central sling to quiver like a scared, unwanted kitten clawing at a burlap sack before a drowning. And that unadvertised, bonus feature alone is easily worth many times the item's $19.99 Buy It Now price.

As entertaining as the world's most famous, faux-Kazakh cultural videographer is, credit must also be given to his many duped foils, whose dumbfounded, slow-burn reaction shots add another essential element to the Borat magic. But how, after several seasons of the pranks being aired nationally on HBO's Da Ali G show, does Sacha Baron Cohen still succeed in finding unwitting victims to be Borat'd? Newsweek tracked down some of the film's deeply reluctant stars to find out:

From the overflowing Nobody Knows Anything file: NBC is finding that all of their promotion of Studio 60 hasn't yet bought a hit, while lesser-hyped Heroes is getting the results that Aaron Sorkin is being paid untold millions to deliver. [Variety]
Rachael Ray scores the best opening week syndicated ratings since Dr. Phil, ushering in a new, perkier era of midday talk show evil. [THR]
In Russia, Kazakh period epic Nomad may face off against Borat for control of the "screen image" of the recently prank-besieged Central Asian nation. If Fox actually releases the Borat movie over there, the nomads aren't going to stand a chance against Sacha Baron Cohen's merciless, culture-ravaging onslaught. [Variety]
Dancing with the Stars crushes first-hour timeslot rival Friday Night Lights, which NBC will probably soon move from Tuesday night to Fridays to alleviate viewer confusion over its currently misleading title. [THR]
Kanye West is returning to William Morris after a brief, unsatisfying fling with CAA. Say it with us now: "CAA doesn't care about black people." [Variety]

The latest skirmish in Sacha Baron Cohen's relentless, publicity-attracting (and, we have to admit, consistently hilarious), undeclared war on the country of Borat's birth is revealed today by Reuters, who abetted the fictional documentarian's assault by contacting Kazakhstan's largest theater chain to ask if they have any intention of screening the film. Predictably, once they did their due diligence on the question, which primarily consisted of figuring out who or what a "Borat" is, they were less than enthusiastic about the prospect of hosting the movie:

One has to admire the intrepid comic stylings of Sacha Baron Cohen, who, along with his assortment of alter egos, refuses to stop until entire governments are up in arms, or, as in the case of this Reuters report, until he trots up to the front door of the White House in full Borat drag in order to invite "Premier George Walter Bush" to a screening of his new movie. (He was politely rejected by a small army of secret agents with one finger in their ears and the other on their holsters.) The man is a marvel of ingenuity, constantly conjuring up new ways to further infuriate already pissed-off world leaders:

A reader from San Francisco sends in a report from a screening of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, wherein hundreds of area MySpace groupies were given the thrill of a lifetime when their dog-shooting hero showed up to lead them in a round of anti-Semitic drinking songs. But in a snafu remniscent of the recent disaster at the movie's world premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival, a glitch brought the side-splitting festivites to an abrupt halt:

· The best thing to come out of the Toronto International Film Festival so far, says Variety, is a transcendent documentary from a little known Eurasian filmmaker with a "chram thick like tube of Pringles." [Variety]
· We hope Nick Meyer, formerly of Lionsgate, likes hugs, because his new co-president at Paramount Vantage, John Lesher, prefers to celebrate every new acquisition with a big, bear embrace from behind. [Variety]
· Second-tier Rocky and Bullwinkle regulars Mr. Peabody and Sherman get their own CGI feature, in which Sherman finally shuts up the know-it-all, time-traveling mutt by threatening him with a one-way ticket to Dr. Kebarkian's Furry Friends Cat & Dog Clinic. [Variety]
· Rupert Murdoch is looking to dump his controlling interest in DirecTV, a company he has been dismissively referring to lately as his "turd bird." No joke. [Variety]
· "Lolita Davidovich has been cast opposite Lili Taylor in Lifetime's drama pilot State of Mind." Davidovich, fine. But Taylor? A Lifetime pilot? Things sure have taken a turn for the worse since Nate buried her in a burlap sack in the desert. [THR]
· Universal Music CEO Doug Morris tells shareholders YouTube and MySpace users are violating copyright laws, but that he has a great plan to catch them that involves a smoking hot 16-year-old chick with an online video diary. [THR]

• Katie Couric's first week is accompanied by her first blog, a rambling, 10000-word treatment on the importance of being perky, complete with Karen Carpenter lyrics. Congrats, Katie. You're really done something. [Couric & Co.]
• Kazakhastan is now denying that Borat will be a topic during meetings with the U.S. This is just fantastic, isn't it? An international debate on whether or not a fictional character will be discussed at a diplomatic summit. No wonder the terrorists hate us. [The Blotter]
• If JK Rowling has to give up the manuscript for the final Harry Potter book, then the terrorists really have won. [BBC]
• Fashion Week is all about luxurious balls. [Coutorture]
• Lydia Hearst fashion porn: scary, and yet we can't look away. [Bastardly]
• Path to 9/11 producers depict American Airways personnel cheerfully letting Mohammad Atta on the plane; it was actually cheerful US Airways personnel who did so, and it's going to cost ABC some advertising dollars. [Consumerist]
• Jay McInerney has yet to master the art of walking while tipsy. You'd think, but you'd be wrong. [Belle in the Big Apple]
• Sure is hard to make friends in this town. [NYP]
• Watching a blogger get his first death threat is like watching your child take his first steps. He's not our baby, but we're still proud of him. [Goldenfiddle]
• Read the New Yorker and live to be 102. Yay, ancient people! Yay, Conde Nast! [EmDashes]
• Critics still really, RILLY love The Wire. [Test Pattern]
• Drinking = money. No, really. Rejoice! [AP]

• Whitney Houston files for divorce from her husband Bobby Brown, citing irreconciable differences over crack consumption and constipation relief. [Access Hollywood]
• Atoosa Rubenstein, editor of Seventeen and beautiful orchid lady, wears sunglasses because she's an urban warrior. You know, like Mel Gibson in Mad Max. Mel, Atoosa. Atoosa, Mel. [Slate]
• On 9/11, tragedy strikes Fashion Week as a Proenza Schouler mannequin falls. Don't bother with the tower metaphor, please. [Yahoo]
• You just know this guy is fucking Patrick McDonald [NYM]
• Meet CBS' new "wireless hostess," who will guide you through the CBS digital environment and, once you're done with that, help you rub one out. [TV.com]
• Anna Nicole Smith's son definitely did not die of a heart attack, but the coroner's going to cocktease this one as much as possible. [TMZ]
• W. schedules meeting to discuss crisis in Darfur and Borat threat. [Daily Mail]
• In other news from yesterday's primary, State Senator Ada Smith appears to have lost her bid for re-election. We'd stay out of Starbucks for the next couple weeks. [NYT]
• Media "would like a do-over" on its WMD reporting. Our dead and limbless soldiers presumably feel the same way. [On the Media]
• Paris Hilton skanks down the Heatherette runway. Not content to assault just your eyes, she did so to her own music, too. [Animal]