The punishing combination of unforgiving deadlines and crippling grief over the separation of Hollywood's Favorite Couple has obviously driven the entire Star editing staff to suicide, leaving the operation defenseless against a takeover by careless, zombie proofreaders.

· Yes, but what do fellow doomed Hollywood couple Nick and Jessica have to say about The Big Brad and Jen Break-Up? "Any marriage is tough." How true, how true.
· Not all the angles have been discussed: Phone sex might be the culprit.
· Apparently, Israeli McDonalds are a lot hipper than the ones here. Behold the McSchwarma, as pimped by Vincent and Jules.
· No matter how hard they try, they can't make us care about potential voter fraud at the People's Choice Awards. Clearly, any awards show that recognizes that viewers really want their Joey accurately reflects the will of the people.
· Holy shit. Bruckheimer movie to follow shortly. (Michael Bay to direct.)

While many of us have been selfishly fretting about how we'll find a way to make it through Brad and Jen's separation and eventual divorce, has anyone stepped back from their personal misery to ask, "What's going to happen to the children?" Not real children, mind you; they were considerate enough not to procreate. We're referring to Plan B, their vanity production company with Warner Bros. In the chaos surrounding Friday's announcement, we'd heard that they were going to abandon the company, but now the official party line is that Plan B will go on, with Pitt and Aniston remaining business partners. They wouldn't want to orphan Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or their other projects in development.

Many of us are only now starting to feel the impact of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's historic break-up. A reader questions reality itself, obviously grasping for the straws of meaning that are so elusive during the inevitable denial stage resulting from such a profound loss:

The shockwaves from Friday's bombshell A-list decoupling will be felt for days. Luckily, the First Law of Celebrity Thermodynamics ensures that the heat from Pitt and Aniston's relationship must be conserved; the airwaves will instantly replace fawning specials about their magical marriage with non-stop break-up coverage on VH1, E! and Access Hollywood.

We step away from the computer for A HALF FREAKING HOUR to finally take a shower, and the world as we know it ends: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are finally admitting that they've split up. The rumors have been swirling for months, with tales of Pitt finding his way into Angelina Jolie's trailer on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, where the crew supposedly had to run interference every time Aniston came to visit. ("Hey Brad, pull out! Pull out! The Friend has landed!") But their sneaky, sneaky publicist now farts out this announcement late on a Friday afternoon, hoping that it will all blow over by Monday. Well played.

Actually, gossip this week isn't so much actually "gossip" as it is "items placed in exchange for Christmas bribes and favors owed and/or actual press releases and human interest stories," but hell:

· The Five Stages of Life After Hearing That Jennifer Aniston Has Been Photographed Without Her Wedding Ring: 1. The Publicist Denial ; 2. Wanting to beat up Brad Pitt for being a lousy husband; 3. Resolving to hit on Aniston as a test of the strength of their marriage; 4. Why, Baby Jesus, why have you rent asunder this perfect celebrity union?; 5. Blowing your brains out before you have to read about a break-up in People. [third item]
· Clooney in a Fiat, Cattrall tea bagging, Hoffman making a mockery of The Graduate: The commercials that no one wants Americans to see. [via Fleshbot]
· Who needs CGI when you can stage a plane crash scene the old-fashioned way? Not Spielberg, that's who.
· The inevitable, fake Britney Spears MySpace profile.
· WBWSJPW? (What bra would Sara Jessica Parker wear?) [via Drunken Stepfather]

Coming across an online "FYC" ad for Troy, we wondered how this year's other historical epic might capitalize on Alexander's notoriety to get some attention during awards season. Click the image to see a larger version.

· Novelist Michael Crichton is paying $31 million to get out of his fourth marriage. [Page Six]
· Hot new risque skinny dipping spot: the pool room at the Four Seasons. [Page Six]
· A new Web site, RevoketheOscar.com, claims Michael Moore's film, Bowling for Columbine, is riddled with "invented facts, fabricated events, [and] staged scenes" and should be disqualified as a documentary on the grounds that it is "fiction." [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams offers random bits of trivia: Hugh Grant got rejected by "As the World Turns;" Alice Cooper loves golf; Nine Inch Nails lead singer Trent Reznor uses the name "Steve Austin" when he stays in hotels; and John Le Carre taught Latin at Eton under his real name, David Cornwell. [Cindy Adams]
· OH MY GOD! Carol Channing is getting maaarrriiiiieeeeed! [Liz Smith]
· Brad Pitt's new wax statue at Madame Tussaud's has a "squeezable bottom." Madonna has flooded file sharing services with decoy files for new album "American Life." When users download the files, they get what sounds like her voice, demanding, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" [NY Daily News]

On Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon, complaining that Christmas trees are being abandoned, unrecycled, on the sidewalks: There hasn't been that much wood on the streets since Brad Pitt walked through Greenwich Village. Forced laughter.
Mention of Brad Pitt on Saturday Night Live

· Liza downs three glasses of scotch, bursts into tears, at an Upper East Side restaurant. [Page Six] ¹
· Graydon's publicist swears he'd never use the word "cock." [Page Six]
· NY Sun crime reporter (ironically) charged with arson. [Page Six]
· Ms.-hell-on-wheels, Lizzie Grubman, and anger management vet, Naomi Campbell, join forces. [Page Six]
· Groton school headmaster replaced after failure to deal with sex scandal. [Page Six]
· Justin Timberlake seen sharing a joint at Lotus with his mother [Page Six] ²
· Weinstein pal Liz Smith, not surprisingly, refers to Miramax production, Chicago, as "sensational." [Page Six] ³
· Liz says Chicago will go down as "one of filmdom's great musicals." [Page Six] ⁴
· Liz says she "can't imagine Chicago won't be a smash and bring in Oscar nods for Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress...and Supporting Actress..." [Page Six] ⁵
· Brad Pitt considered "an insult to Asians" and Buckingham palace notes that Prince Harry looks more like the proverbial milkman than Prince Charles. [NY Daily News]