So, single gal Kourtney Kardashian's with child. While some people will shake a finger at the 30-year old's apparent irresponsibility, her friend and reality show costar Erica Mena calls double-K a "role model." Oh, really?

Well look who showed up holding hands on the red carpet at the Teen Choice Awards tonight! America's most ubiquitous fag-hag and the Alaskan cock-gangsta himself. It's love!

Oh good, the people looking to get David Letterman fired because they don't like his monologue (admittedly it is usually pretty hacky but that is part of the charm!) just cost him one (1) internet advertiser.

Sarah Palin went on the Today Show this morning to tell everyone to "rise up" against David Letterman, the noted TV rapist and "so-called comedian."

Todd offered Bristol a new ride to get her to dump Levi, Spencer Pratt is the "King of Weed," Paris Hilton thinks that The Hills is "so lame and fake," Kate Hudson is traveling with the Yankees to bone A-Rod, and Susan Boyle may be institutionalized very shortly.

• A recent Elle photoshoot with Britney Spears turned out to be a bit messier than expected. [P6]
• A photographer has filed suit against Chris Brown. He's claiming the singer's bodyguards beat him up when he tried to take pics of Brown in March. [Us]
• Is Anthony Weiner engaged to Huma Abedin? [P6]
• Jay-Z is supposedly in talks with Lyor Cohen to set up a new record label at Warner Music. [NYDN]
• Chace Crawford may be having a fling with 19-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Esti Ginzburg. [P6]
• Jane Fonda knows how to travel. She pretends she's injured so she can cruise through security in a wheelchair, apparently. [NYDN]
• Get ready: Prince Harry arrives in NYC tomorrow. [NYDN]

OK guys, can it with the "Bristol Palin: high school dropout" jokes. The eldest girl spawn of Alaskan governor Sarah graduated from Wasilla Upstairs Learning Academy last night. People magazine was there.

Raed Jarrar just toured Americaland, where he stopped off in Alaska to visit with Sarah Palin. His impressions? He said that her voice was very "annoying in person". Yep, that sounds about right!

Are morning show hosts the worst people on television? Yes. Here's a selection of the creepy, prying, pretend-concerned questions Chris Cuomo and Matt Lauer had for Bristol Palin this morning.

Has her being stuck between her insane mother and the vindictive family of her ex made you feel sympathetic toward Bristol Palin? Well, this morning she went on the TV to help with that.

What happened on Larry King Live last night? Why was Larry panting over and fondling Levi Johnston's tattoo? What was with the creepy "sheep sex in the woods" undertones?

Levi Johnston, a 19-year-old Alaskan who, unlike Meghan McCain, has held a real job, is going to write a book. Maybe. Or maybe not!

Esquire spent a couple days with Todd Palin—"the man for American now"—last year, and just got around to publishing the story, including heartbreaking details of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston before the crack-up.

Palin's Deceptions, a meticulous, obsessive blog devoted to proving that Sarah Palin is not the mother of Trigg, has published an exhaustive "analysis" of Bristol Palin's MySpace messages going back to 2005.

Sarah Palin's former future son-in-law, Levi Johnston, hit the Early Show, continuing his soft-spoken media beef with the Alaska governor. He blames his breakup with Bristol Palin, the mother of his child, on the election.

Being half of a celebrity twosome has its perks, not least of which is starpower greater than the sum of its parts. But there are certain rules that should be observed. Do not, under any circumstances, appear in a treacly magazine spread rhapsodizing about your love, or you will be broken up within a month. And please, resist the temptation to get matching tattoos, especially each other's names, as history has taught us that even the most inspiring and rock-solid romantic unions—Lindsay & Sam! Chris and Rihanna! Britney & K-Fed!—cannot survive the curse of the matching ink.

There was so much to enjoy about Levi Johnston's appearance on the Tyra Banks Show, starting with the way he got caught damn near lying about always using protection with Bristol Palin.

Good Morning America went to rural Alaska and cornered a 19-year-old high school dropout in his truck to ask him about his relationship with the girl he knocked up. Journalism!

Padma claims she's innocent, the Spellings are fighting again, Matt Damon's wife married better than you did, Drew Barrymore's sucking face again, Rihanna's gonna be in a movie, Jennifer Aniston's definitely not sucking face again.

• Guess John Mayer didn't buy Jennifer Aniston an engagement ring after all. It's now rumored Mayer ended the relationship right around the time Aniston got back from her world promotional tour for Marley & Me. [E!, Us]
• Tim Gunn supposedly has a "secret crush" on Anderson Cooper. He says he's been trying to set up a lunch date with the CNN anchor for more than a year now, but it hasn't happened. Yet! [OK!]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams got married on Tuesday in Savannah. [Us]
• Breaking! Katie Holmes has long hair again! [DM]