Todd offered Bristol a new ride to get her to dump Levi, Spencer Pratt is the "King of Weed," Paris Hilton thinks that The Hills is "so lame and fake," Kate Hudson is traveling with the Yankees to bone A-Rod, and Susan Boyle may be institutionalized very shortly.

  • Well ladies, you've all been lusting for the Alaskan cock-gangsta Levi Johnston for a while, and now your dreams can finally come true. He and Bristol are totally over after the Palin's bribed her with a pickup truck or something and now he's looking to lay down some fresh Alaskan pipe, if you know what I mean. [Daily News]

  • Spencer Pratt, the "King of Weed," has been struggling with addiction problems for years and has basically given up on ever quitting and just gets high all day long. [Star]

  • Paris Hilton is no fan of The Hills, calling it "so lame and fake," and we just think this is beyond hilarious in so many ways that we can't stop giggling about it. [US Magazine]

  • Kate Hudson is most definitely boning Alex Rodriquez. She's even traveling with him to away games and staying with him in his hotel room and something just seems so utterly perfect about this. [Page Six]

  • Susan Boyle may get pulled from the finale of Britain's Got Talent because she's cracking the hell up and is driving the crazy train right off the cliff right about now. [UK Mirror]

  • Tom Brady says that he is perfectly fine having only one child, therefore he has no plans on impregnating Gisele ever. [Daily News]

  • Candy Spelling blames Tori for the death of her husband Aaron, saying that Tori's elusiveness made him lose the will to live. [DListed]

  • Tom Sizemore is still out there doing what Tom Sizemore does—-Getting arresting for hopelessly dumb shit. [Hollywood Rag]

  • American Express is suing Courtney Love for over $300k in unpaid charges to her account. [DListed]

  • Coldplay is having to cancel dates on their current world tour because Chris Martin caught the pig AIDS or something and is losing his voice. [Sun]