Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

Is Bristol Palin hooking up with Dancing with the Stars' Mark Ballas? Some people think so! Also today: Pink is pregnant, Lil Wayne probably has a new kid, Sandra is dating again, more Mel vs. Oksana news, plus Katy Perry!

J.Lo's assistants aren't allowed significant others or vacations. Fred Armisen dumped Elisabeth Moss for a younger SNL cast member. Montana Fishburne explains the weird spots on her butt. Naomi Campbell cheats on her taxes. Thursday gossip rules with fear.

Sharon Murphy, mother of the late actress Brittany Murphy, told LAPD that she shared a bed with Simon Monjack, Brittany's now-dead husband, after Brittany's death—though she didn't suggest sexual contact. Does that make it more weird, or less?

Lindsay's family gets special permission to visit on a week day. A photograph of Mel Gibson's possibly abused baby surfaces. Britney Spears is possibly on Team Mel. Katy Perry floats in a cloud of cotton candy. Thursday gossip is tentative.

Christina Aguilera and Kim Kardashian are now friends. Lady Gaga loves Taylor Swift. Bam Margera battered by bat-bearing broad. Snooki: Small government advocate. Sunday's Gossip roundup is all about friendship and helping each other through difficult times.

Sandra was in Beverly Hills all week, but nobody got her picture. She should teach seminars to Lindsay Lohan, who got caught partying last night. Alicia Keys is pregnant and engaged. Gary Coleman is in the hospital. TGIFriday gossip.

Screenwriter Simon Monjack, the husband of the late actress Brittany Murphy, was found dead in his home on Sunday night. The cause of death is still unknown.

His cousin is officially a Scientologist—but terrified of being associated with Tom. Lady Gaga's sister trains to take the stage. Bombshell McGee sells stripper videos. Phil Spector gets beat up in prison. Come and get your Sunday gossip.

Gaga sues the ex-boyfriend suing her—he didn't invent her, he took advantage of her. Kate Winslet moons for a dead ex. Tiger's sext ex has more where those came from. Saturday gossip is the one that got away.

Weir explains his creative process. Jessica Simpson cries on Oprah's couch. John Mayer can't get a date. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson grope each other in public. Johnny Depp fears mirrors. Tuesday gossip is the window to celebrity souls.

Unless it's a dance craze called "the boozy ostrich"? Madonna celebrates Carnival with Jesus Luz. Britney celebrates V-Day with saturated fats. Simon Monjack dismantles his Brittany Murphy charity. Heidi Montag finally moves her face. Monday's gossip roundup is hungover.

Tonight, Brittany Murphy's mother and husband gave an exclusive interview to Larry King about the death of the actress. The whole thing was fishy, but one moment—in which the morning of her death was recounted—was particularly troubling.

• It looks like Madonna and Jesus Luz haven't broken up after all. The singer and her Brazilian boy toy attended the London premiere for Tom Ford's A Single Man on Monday night and "they were all over each other" and "kissing in front of everyone," according to people who were there. So if they have broken up, well, they have a funny way of showing it. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan isn't a hoarder because she has a shopping problem; it's because "a lot of it is gifted," says Dina Lohan. LiLo and her mom/party pal say they plan to donate a lot of Lindsay's "stuff" to charity and the public will be able to buy some of it on their website. So head over to lohanhouse.com in case ripped leggings and Red Bull-stained clothing is your thing. [People]
• Tiger Woods is a free man: After a month in sex rehab, he's reportedly flown home to Florida with his wife. So consider yourself warned. [Radar]
• Since things didn't work out too well with Brad, Vince, or John, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she "wants to be set up with a wealthy businessman, not a celebrity," at least according to an anonymous "insider." Somebody call Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger. Stat! [Us]

The L.A. coroner says Brittany Murphy died from"drug intake"—"multiple drug intoxication."

Band-aid heiress Casey Johnson died of diabetic-related complications, the LA County coroner's office announced this afternoon. As for Brittany Murphy, who died a couple of weeks before Johnson, the cause of death was pneumonia "complicated by an iron deficiency, anemia and multiple drug intoxication." The drugs found in her body weren't of the illegal variety, though. It was a "a mixture of prescription and over-the-counter medications." [AP, Reuters]

• As if Lindsay Lohan didn't have enough problems in her life, it seems she's a "secret hoarder," too. In an interview with the Style Network's Niecy Nash, LiLo's shows all her "stuff," which includes a bedroom filled with shoe boxes and a living room that's been turned into a giant closet. On the plus side, if Sam Ronson ever goes missing, at least the police will know where to start looking. [Us, DM]
• Tiger Woods is supposedly leaving sex rehab in Mississippi by the end of this week, which means he's changed his ways or he's planning on playing in a golf tournament in Arizona in two weeks and he's not going to let his compulsive sexual habits get in the way of that. Elin Nordegren has already flown down to pick him up. Just so there isn't an incident involving a flight attendant in the first-class lounge on the way home. [Radar, NYP]
• Season three of the Real Housewives of New York debuts next month and now word comes that creepy couple Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen may be booted before season four. It's supposedly because "viewers don't have a positive reaction to them" and Simon threw a fit when he found out he wasn't going to be paid as much as the housewives because, well, he's not a housewife, although you're excused if you thought otherwise. [NYDN]
• Precious star—and Academy Award nominee—Gabourey Sidibe would really, really like for Justin Timberlake to be her Oscar date. So, Jessica Biel, if you could step aside and make it happen, that would be great. [People]
• Jon Stewart sat down with Bill O'Reilly last night. Highlights here. [Gawker]

It may, however, be a euphemism for "cosmetic procedures too dangerous to be legal in the States." Mackenzie Phillips backtracks on part of her incest claim. Lady Gaga gets a tattoo for her fans. Thursday's gossip will leave a mark.

• There's a good chance you'll be seeing the cast of Jersey Shore in the tents at Fashion Week. (If, that is, you happen to be going to Fashion Week.) MTV's newest crop of reality stars have been asking to tickets to shows, and a few designers have extended invites to "to attend or even model." [P6]
• If you wanted to go to business school but didn't do so well on the GMATs, Diddy is here to help. He says he plans to open a business school in New York City in the near future. [Starpulse, Us]
• Michael Jackson's "personal physician," Dr. Conrad Murray, is expected to surrender to the authorities today in connection with charges he played a role in Jackson's death. He'll likely be charged with involuntary manslaughter, which could land him four years in jail. [TMZ]
• Perpetual brat Kanye West threw a fit while flying back to New York from LA when he was told he and his assistant would have to sit in business class, not first. The temper tantrum paid off, though: The airline found room for him in the front of the plane and the rest of the flight went off without a hitch. [P6]

Hayden Panettiere's heavyweight boxer boyfriend forces us to confront our ageist, sizeist assumptions. Sandra Bullock would trade her Oscar nod for a dog. Jersey Shore contemplates Fashion Week. Holy crap, is Britney pregnant again? Wednesday gossip is not to scale.