· Director Steve Miner is given the opportunity to exploit Jessica Simpson's prodigious acting talent in Major Movie Star, the story of an amazingly Jessica Simpson-like Hollywood bimbo who joins the Marines to prove that she can play the part of someone in the military. [Variety]
· Yesterday's overall-deal-granting insanity bleeds into today, as even the No.2 guy on Bones is getting seven figures for his writing and development services over the next two years. Gushed 20th Century Fox TV president Dana Walden as she stuffed handfuls of high-denomination currency into burlap bags emblazoned with cartoonish dollar signs, "He can write comedy, drama, character pieces, procedurals ... he can do it all!" [THR]
· Broadway casting shocker! Nathan Lane to star in a musical comedy. [Variety]
· Puzzlingly, the cast of Law & Order: Criminal Intent is grumbling about not being offered raises for next season. Don't these delusional ingrates know how easily they can be replaced by the cheaper talent that foams Dick Wolf's cappuccinos each morning? [THR]
· Little-publicized ensemble drama Ocean's 13 hopes to prove that labors of love can be profitable at the box office. [Variety]

The Great White Way will never be the same: In an exclusive interview, Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, told EW.com that the psych-rock band will team up with acclaimed TV writer and show creator Aaron Sorkin to turn the group's 2002 album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots into a Broadway musical.

A front-page story in the New York Times today brought an important trend to our attention: more and more parents are sharing the marvels of the Great White Way with their children, starting at ever-earlier ages. Kids in the audience are especially common at musicals aimed at them (stunner), like Mary Poppins and Tarzan and the rest of the Disney musicals. What a cute trend! Why, just listen to how adorable and precocious Cindy Gerathy's kid was:

[The Times They Are A-Changin'] is the best presentation of my songs I have ever seen or heard on any stage.

Representing for the homos, we felt the need to point out this nugget of amazing trivia from Gail Sheehy's NYMag article about the remaining secrets of Grey Gardens (the Broadway musical version of this genius Maysles brothers documentary opens on Broadway tonight, btw — but if you cared, you'd already know and have tickets, we suppose). It explains why Little Edie felt the need to wear the getups that make her such a perfect Halloween costume — especially the sweater-as-turban headwraps.

Excited about the debut of professional weasel Martin Short's Broadway laff-fest Fame Becomes Me? Of course you are, especially considering the nutty impromptu shenanigans involving whatever celeb is at the show on any given night. A tipster writes how his wife saw the in-previews show last night:

From the fine folks at the Pete Sanders group, regarding R&B star Usher's Broadway debut:

• The cameras of TMZ.com never rest: last week they caught Brandon Davis waxing philosophical on the nature of Lindsay Lohan's crotch, this week they document the LA nightlife backlash as a woman screams at him to take a shower and derides him for getting his money "from daddy." As if that's an insult? [TMZ]
• Former New Jersey governor and proud 'mo Jim McGreevy reads excerpts from his new book, an erotic tale of his anonymous rest stop hookups. [Star-Ledger]
• Quote of the day, courtesy of Ghostface Killa: "New York be bullshitting. Right now, I say fuck New York. Yeah, I'm from New York, but fuck New York. Because niggas is pussy." [Prefix]
• In live theater, distracting the actors just might get you backstage, where you can confuse David Schwimmer and piss off Zeljko Ivanek. [BroadwayWorld]
• Life imitates art, at least if you're a Sopranos fan: the body of a man who'd been beaten to death was found behind the Cafe Bada Bing. [NYT]
• As Memorial Day weekend draws near, the four horsemen of the Hamptons apocalypse prepare to open their doors to thousands of devoted Wet Seal fans. [NYM]
• A bird flu awareness night in Newark is marked by a chicken wing eating contest. In Jersey, the jokes just write themselves. [Newark Bears]

Interesting news for fans of the legitimate theater: Playbill reports that foul-mouthed artiste David Mamet's first-ever musical wll have its world premiere this June. A Waitress in Yellowstone, "the story of the title service worker who, on the eve of her trip to the national park to celebrate her son's 10th birthday, discovers a Congressman stealing her tips and reports him to the police," will close the Los Angeles Center theater Group's season. No word yet on any Broadway action, but with songs like, "Could I Have The Fucking Check, Please?" "Everything's Coming Up Fuckin' Ruthie," and "You Know What You Get When You Steal a Tip? You Get Fucked in the Ass (Reprise)" how could it not be a candidate? It can't be any worse than Lestat.

• Though Lindsay Lohan and director Brett Ratner are "just friends," the 19-year-old starlet flipped when she found him in bed with his girlfriend, Alina Puscau. If we saw Ratner in a lusty state of undress, we'd lose our shit, too. [Page Six]
• Rush Limbaugh turns himself in on prescription drug charges and is released an hour later on $3,000 bail. Surely that harrowing experience has taught him a lesson. [TMZ]
• At the Capitol File party following the White House Correspondents Dinner, rapper Ludacris and Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia talk about music. As expected, Scalia loves Word of Mouf. [Lowdown]
• Feeling that perhaps Dallas wasn't the best career move, J.Lo drops ICM agent Ed Limato in favor of William Morris' Dave Wirtschafter. If Wirtschafter talks shit about her in a major magazine, it can only help her career. [Page Six]
• Broadway producers Fran and Barry Weissler pinch-pennies, lose surefire hit production because of thrifty hotel choice. [R&M]
• Rupert Murdoch refuses to give Daily News gossip Ben Widdicombe any marriage tips. The much-younger, Asian wife speaks for herself. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]

The Sun reports this morning that schools chief Joel Klein is trying to hold a meeting with the city's principals on Saturday morning, and that the principals are balking. (You know, because God forbid public employees be asked to work a few minutes more than called for under their union contracts.) To lure them out, Klein has offered a pair of Broadway tickets — and for good shows, too, like Sweeney Todd or Doubt or Dirty Rotten, not for standard giveaway dreck like Les Miz or, worse, Ring of Fire — if they attend. Naturally, the principals' union is incensed by this, and individual principals report being unswayed. For example Sandra Bridges, principal at "the highly regarded P.S. 234 in TriBeCa," who will instead by "be heading out to the country for the weekend":

• The Daily traipses about Plum Sykes' fantabulous book party — all pink! Candles! Plum-tinis! But there's a dark side, we learn: Plum's preggers. [The Daily]
• Detroit catches on to the payola hotness: Former Secretary of LaborRobert Reich claims that a GM PR firm offered him cash to speak well of an employee buyout. [Jalopnik]
• Sucks to be Julia Roberts. For once, anyhow. [The Feed]
• The rumored "lost chapter" to Neil Strauss' pickup bible, The Game. No doubt Nick Sylvester is devouring it right now. [Neil Strauss]
• Name the socialite! [Opinionistas]
• Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein's MySpace is like an orchid in a sea of carnations. [MySpace]
• Big props to Ronn [sic] Torossian — not only has he managed to get himself involved with the 2nd stripper involved in the Duke lacrosse rape case, but he's got her email on display for everyone. She must be thrilled to have someone so brilliant on her team. [Ronn Torossian]
• Blackface Jesus and testicles. That's all you need to know. [I Keep a Diary (NSFW?)]
• And last but by no means ever the least, Tara Reid lets her nipples come out to play. [Egotastic]

A quick check-in to complete the death-of-Boldface storyline: As hinted by Bill Keller's memo announcing the demise of the Times's meta-gossip column, and as widely rumored among the sorts of people who bother to think about such things, erstwhile Boldfacer Campbell Robertson has indeed taken over the Broadway-reporting beat recently vacated by California-bound Jesse McKinley. Robertson started in the job at the start of this week, but his first Broadway byline is still TK. Better get cracking, Robertson — at this rate it'll be years till you can finagle a free redesign of your apartment.

Rocco DiSpirito went to the opening of a Broadway show last night — Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts — and showed off his sequined t-shirt. You know, to demonstrate how not gay he is.

Ever since the demise of Battle of the Network Stars, you've assumed you won't have a chance to watch dozens of sitcom personalities hanging out together. We thought the same. Until last night, when the cute boy with whom we saw The Threepenny Opera (verdict: meh) brought us for a post-theatrical drink to a little spot called Bar Centrale, upstairs from Joe Allen on Restaurant Row.

Normally, we couldn't care less about Broadway...but how fucking adorable does David Schwimmer look in his sailor suit? We bet his castmates can barely restrain themselves from pinching his cheeks every time he salutes them onstage. We really, really hope that someone casts him in the stage version of The Right Stuff, just so we can see him in an astronaut costume.

Disappointingly, it seems it wasn't thrown at her.

Crazy With a Z [fourfour]
Earlier: It's a Gay Gay Gay Gay World: Liza With a Z at the Ziegfeld

"Dear PDA Diary: After a long, hard day, there's something calming and relaxing about getting on a downtown B train on the Upper West Side, clearing your head, and thinking about life. Especially when you're wearing a fabulous scarf and have a cute homo friend on each side. Still, I miss Vinnie."

This morning MSNBC gossip Jeannette Walls considers the problem of notorious Scientologist John Travolta agreeing to play Edna Turnblad in the forthcoming movie of Hairspray, given that Scientology is pretty notoriously antigay: