Duquesne is a Catholic University in Pittsburgh with nearly 10,000 students. The school’s adjunct professors would like to unionize. Conveniently, Duquesne does not believe Jesus would be in favor of that.

I know what you’re thinking—these men must be hardened, depraved criminals to be sentenced to such a cruel and unusual punishment. Well looks like the joke’s on you—they paid money to do this! Voluntarily! (Hospital expenses not included.)

“Although coifs and comestibles would not seem to have much in common, for a specific demographic, a cappuccino made with locally roasted, ethically grown beans is a natural accompaniment to high-caliber haircuts.”

Uh oh, summertime is here and you know what that means, ladies—time to obsess over your arms, for some reason! Wow! Arms! Appendages! What to do?

Rhonda Byrne got very very rich by writing a book called The Secret, which contains much pseudoscientific/ mystical horse shit. Why can’t Rhonda Byrne get THE SECRET to work for herself?

Patrick Stewart, 61, has successfully defended his PhD thesis in architecture at the University of British Columbia, despite the fact that it was mostly written without any punctuation marks or capital letters or identifiable grammar.

Here’s the thing about nature: It will fuck up your shit.

“Republicans’ emphasis on poorer and working-class Americans now represents a shift from the party’s longstanding focus on business owners and ‘job creators’ as the drivers of economic opportunity. This is intentional, Republican operatives said.” Really? Huh.

Baltimore residents have been protesting for Freddie Gray—the 25-year-old black man whose spine was severed in police custody earlier this month—under the theory that excessive force was involved in his death. But according to a new “report” that surfaced today and started popping up on everyone’s racist uncle’s Facebook feed, Gray had a pre-existing spinal condition that may have contributed to his death. There’s just one problem: this is total bullshit.

As the 2016 presidential election draws closer, America's political press corps is warming up for what they do best: drone on about nothing of consequence.

"Just received my waist trainer from @NoWaistClique!! #LovingIt" tweeted celebrity female Lindsay Lohan today.

A man currently on trial for defrauding Facebook apparently planned his escape for months, talking a judge into unfreezing some of his assets before cutting off his ankle GPS bracelet and escaping into the great unknown (upstate New York.)

No.

If you ever reach the soothing point of equilibrium at which it is possible to stop feeling that the advertising industry is constantly manipulating you, I encourage you to stop and consider this new ad campaign for skin care for 20somethings—who are, let's face it, looking a little decrepit.

Major national retailers are selling bullshit herbal supplements that don't actually contain the ingredients they promise on the bottle, the New York State attorney general's office alleged on Monday. That "gingko biloba" is actually a unique blend of powdered asparagus and deception.

It's 2015, and your friends are sharing that block of pseudo-legal gibberish that supposedly prevents Facebook from using their "copyrighted content." This copyright notice means exactly the same thing it did when they posted it in 2012, 2013, and 2014: jack shit.

There was no big secret to Cards Against Humanity creator Max Temkin's ploy to sell 30,000 boxes of actual bull feces on Black Friday. His game simply has a lot of fans, and some of those fans will evidently buy literally anything he sells. Still, Temkin broke down the finer points of shit-slinging in a blog post this week.

The Supreme Court has ruled that Amazon warehouse workers are not entitled to be paid for the time they spend standing in line waiting for company security guards to make sure they did not steal anything.

Today is hashtag #GivingTuesday, a day when the act of charity transforms into an act of #viral #marketing for #brands. Reject it!

Actor and faded tough guy Mickey Rourke, age 62, fought in and won a professional boxing match last Saturday night. His opponent: a "homeless drifter" who clearly took a dive.