The marketing of glucosamine supplements that magically heal arthritis: bullshit. Add it to the list.

Who says that Americans are a bunch of lazy suckers who believe that they can get in shape only by purchasing video games and fancy gizmos? Now, Americans know they must instead purchase magic swimsuits and pseudoscientific shoes. Fitness ahoy!

KFC knows how to do three things: 1. Get lots of PR for its terrifying chicken-byproduct products; 2. Lose money; and 3. Make comical "branding" statements, while doing items one and two. Wait'll you catch the new tagline!

In your biased Tuesday media column: a WaPo reporter loses all credibility with hateful Jesus wingnuts, yet another Tumblr-to-book deal, the entire media apparatus struggles to figure out the internet's secrets, and a new poll proves nobody is credible.

82 year-old Indian Parhlad Jani says he hasn't had food or water for 70 years, living on "spiritual life-force" as a breatharian. There actually was a medical term for this: 'Gullible.' But they took it out of the dictionary. [Perthnow]

The Enquirer decided to spend the good will it earned from breaking an actual story — the John Edwards affair — on an incredibly shabby tale about an alleged Obama affair captured on video. They've already retracted the video part.

The lead story in the New York Times Magazine's wellness issue this past weekend: "Does working out really help you lose weight?" A better question: Why doesn't the New York Times want to tell you the fitness truth?

New tests by Consumer Reports indicate that "anti-wrinkle creams" are bullshit. They join numerology, juice-based "cleanses," buttocks-toning shoes, autism-causing vaccines, cookie diets, the science of "branding," wine criticism, and "pheromone"-infused body wash on the list of Bullshit Things.

An intrepid reader writes, "How do you decide which is the better term 'apeshit' or 'batshit'? It must be a tough call." With all the different types of shit out there, choosing the correct shit can be a mess.

First, Desiree Rogers refused to acquiesce to Sally Quinn's demand that she be an old person from Georgetown. Then she let some losers into a party. Now we learn that she forgot to send Christmas cards to rich people!

The most surprising revelation in Ad Age's story on Bud Light's failed "Drinkability" ad campaign is that "Drinkability" was apparently supposed to be an actual thing—the "ideal rational benefit," the consultants said. Haha. Really? Shut up. Really? "Drinkability?"

Howard Stern defends yesterday's rant about "enormous as a planet" Gabourey Sidibe: "Obesity in this country is out of control," and he just wants everyone to be healthy. Since when does acknowledging a fat person constitute "tacitly" promoting obesity?

Sally Quinn has a Washington Post column because she's married to former WaPo editor Ben Bradlee. Today: she apologetically explains, at length, the circumstances that led to two of her family members scheduling weddings the same day. REAL JOURNALISM, RECOGNIZE.

After the government's jackbooted thugs decided that "light" cigarettes were illegal, terrified consumers mewled, "However shall we distinguish our favorite formerly 'light' brands?" Here's how: They'll all be conveniently color-coded. It's like this whole "ban" never happened, huzzah!

Oh hell, Reebok is now using even more gratuitously porny buttock photos to enhance the bullshit buttocks-toning promise of its allegedly buttocks-toning magic shoes, which are—god—so fake. Try attaching handles to the model and doing deadlifts, instead. [Copyranter]

We all know that New York Times fake trend stories are annoying because they are 1) fake, and 2) trend stories. But do not neglect their third worst quality: many are terribly written. Allow us to show you.

Would two posts in one day about the comically atrocious PR work of 5WPR be too many? Yes. Too bad. We are obligated—if only as a cautionary tale—to bring you these examples of 5W's incompetent manufactured celebuquotes.

The Lancet has formally retracted a paper it published in 1998 on the causes of autism based on research conducted by Dr. Andrew Wakefield. So that's it for that, then, right?

Scandal: Media reporter had media source.

Pharma company Cephalon is trying to win FDA approval for one of its drugs, Nuvigil, to be used specifically to fight jet lag. How does it do this magical task? By keeping you awake. It's a stimulant. It "would be approved to treat only the sleepiness associated with jet lag disorder - not to shift the body's clock to the new time zone." So your jet lag treatment options would be as follows: