After partying her ass off with her ass out in Cannes, Michelle Rodriguez wore her butt-revealing bikini again in Monaco, where she spent the weekend yachting. Lindsay Lohan : Boobs :: Michelle Rodriguez : Butt. Poor LiLo and MiRo, hopeless hostages to the escape artists of private parts. [Images via Flynet]

Last year, the Cannes Film Festival's designated troublemaker was Lindsay Lohan, who eventually ended up in jail for her probation-violating week of debauchery. With LiLo cleaning up her act stateside this year, who will be our party hearty ambassador to Cannes?

Orlando Bloom bought a bonsai tree in Malibu Valley. He spent five minutes choosing which tree to buy.

British clothing chain Marks & Spencer has waded into the dong-enhancement game with its new Bodymax line of "frontal enhancement" underwear. They'll make your dick look 38 percent bigger! M&S also offers butt-lifting undies made of "cool, odour resistant fabric."

Today we looked at some new statistics about butt doing-it. Butt doing-it is very, very popular these days. Naturally you commenters responded with well-reasoned, thoughtful comments about human sexuality and empowerment.

A 25-year-old "habitual felon" and convict named Eric Chambers has been charged for trying to sneak a Samsung cell phone into a prison in North Carolina. He twice set off metal detectors before police found a phone in his ass.

If you only read one story about hemorrhoids today, make sure it's this Post gem: A "quick-fingered" proctologist "was done in by 'rhoid rage" after patients complained he was overbilling and spending "no more than 15 minutes" treating their hemorrhoids.

KFC will pay college girls $500 to walk around campus wearing sweatpants that bear the "Double Down" logo on the ass. Girls who dine too frequently at KFC are presumably not the desired models. [via Adfreak]

Miami police this week arrested a woman for posing as a doctor and injecting another woman's butt cheeks to make them "look perfect." It didn't turn out so well — the victim passed out from the pain and almost died.

The Post today warns readers of "a shocking new study" by the American Cancer Society that says women who sit for more than six hours a day have a 37 percent greater chance of dying early, even if they exercise!

Today The New York Daily News published an ode to Mel Gibson's rear end. Master butt debater Lindy West argues that Mel's "round and shapely apple pies" are cute enough to justify keeping him in the public eye.

During all previous recorded human history, small butts on women were preferred. But now people prefer larger butts on women, according to the crack buttock analysts at the New York Daily News. Again: fat-bottomed girls are attractive, which is new.

Yesterday's post on Surra de Bunda, a Brazilian dance move in which a female rapidly buffets a man's face with her rear, brought a wealth of new information. Chiefly: Surra de Bunda does not mean "ass licking" but "butt fighting."

Brazil, home to the world's most celebrated butts, has invented a new dance move. It's called the Surra de Bunda ("ass licking") and it involves hooking your feet over a man's shoulders and sledgehammer slamming your butt into his face.

This is environmentalism we can get behind: NYC assemblyman Michael DenDekker has proposed a bill to "create a statewide cigarette butt recycling program." There's money in it, for everyone! Five reasons this is the smartest thing we've heard today.

Young people will stop at nothing to get messed up. YouTube is flush with videos of misguided youths introducing alcohol to their nether regions, so we went to Union Square to get to the bottom of this mysterious trend.

Bringing you the most important Olympics coverage on the internet, Gawker is investigating the mysteries of the games. Yesterday we discussed the Couch of Shame. Today: Why do the male pairs figure skaters have such big butts?

To give you an idea how unimaginative American Apparel's latest dubious entreaty for amateur assvertising is, I already had a photo called "AAbutt" saved on my laptop. Anyhow. You could win a grab bag, so enter! Click to enlarge.

Have you been wondering what "Lanny F." has been up to since he starred in the infomercial for the butt-odor-removing product Aspray? Fortunately for you, he has emailed us.

Andrew Adam Newman reports: Corporations are helping you, the consumer, learn that your butt could probably use a little wet wipe down there, if you know what the corporation is saying.