Eva Longoria rebounds with a pierced pop star. Lindsay Lohan still on the hook for grand theft. Holly Madison gets $30,000 to sit next to a rich guy. Bieber's secret alias is Chandler Bing. Tuesday gossip blows everyone's covers.

Charlie Sheen, two-fifths of Two and a Half Men, won't be facing charges over the time he allegedly flipped out at porn star Capri Anderson, leaving him free to have another meltdown sometime in the next few months. Can't wait!

Britney Spears (or her imposter) might be a big stoner. Halle Berry's boyfriend gets in trouble with the law. Charlie Sheen tracks down his hooker-snatched watch. Saturday Gossip Roundup is backing over paparazzis like it's Grand Theft Auto IV.

Lady Gaga cooked up a "little monster casserole." Michael Douglas took his kids to Epcot. Mel Gibson tried to get some (proof that his ex was taking) Oxycodone. Friday's gossip is still recovering from the sweet potato marshmallow casserole.

Actor Charlie Sheen is suing porn star Capri Anderson for extortion, claiming that she demanded a million dollars in exchange for keeping quiet about his probation violations. He also says she stole his $165,000 Patek Philippe watch. True love!

Miley's eighteenth birthday party features bumping and grinding with her mom. Jay-Z shot his brother at age 12. Charlie Sheen's hooker gives an interview. Lenny Dykstra's dog could get repossessed. Just another manic Monday gossip roundup.

Kanye West confirms that a picture of his giant penis is real. Courtney Love is obsessed with her Wikipedia page. Lil' Wayne gets out of prison. Thursday gossip proudly lets it all hang out.

Wearing the same bra she wore on Girls Gone Wild, Capri Anderson made a spoof video where she played a high-end hooker who services Charlie Sheen. The weird part? She made it before her hotel-trashing encounter with Charlie.

Charlie Sheen bounces back from last week's cocaine- and hooker-related hospitalization with more cocaine and more hookers. Katy Perry's wedding launched an Indian police investigation. Kim Kardashian faces a Slutoween Sophie's Choice. Halloween's gossip roundup says "Boo!" and "You whore."

Angelina picks a fight with rowdy teens. Capri Anderson picks a fight with Charlie Sheen. And a Nazi (at least, a guy who played one) picks a fight with Oprah. Saturday gossip will get you kicked out of the mall.

Charlie Sheen's porn star lover is cashing in on her newfound notoriety, perhaps because Sheen stiffed her on her $12,000 "escort" bill after she posed for a picture with Sheen's ex-wife, Denise Richards. How quickly the rumor mill churns!

The nude woman who got Charlie Sheen hospitalized says he hit her and has hired a lawyer. Billy Ray Cyrus gets a divorce. David Arquette cried during his first post-Courteney sexual encounter. Thursday gossip shall overcome.