Britney Spears (or her imposter) might be a big stoner. Halle Berry's boyfriend gets in trouble with the law. Charlie Sheen tracks down his hooker-snatched watch. Saturday Gossip Roundup is backing over paparazzis like it's Grand Theft Auto IV.

  • Previously, on Britney Spears and the Tapes of Doom: Britney Spears was featured in an audio recording talking to ex-husband Jason Alexander and accusing her current boyfriend, Jason Trawick, of beating her. But Brit claimed the tape was faked. Now a new recording features "Britney" talking to Alexander about smoking pot: "I go the best pot in California," she brags. Once, she tells Alexander, she was jealous of Trawick and another woman, so she woke up at 7am to send him a mean Facebook message. But instead, she "smoked the fucking joint and went back to bed." If these tapes are faked by Alexander for some twisted revenge plot, he's done a great job of getting the special Britney cadence and tone down. [Radar]
  • Halle Berry's new boyfriend Olivier Martinez is in some paparazzi trouble. A photog filed a police report against him for allegedly backing into his car and threatening him. On the other hand, he is dating Halle Berry. [E!]
  • Jon Gosselin is getting calls from angry parents claiming his army of progeny are banding together to ruin Christmas. "The kids don't believe in Santa Claus, and they're telling other kids at school that there is no Santa Claus," a source told Radar. Well, kids, we hate to break it to you but there is no Santa Claus. Might as well find out now. Also, why are you reading Gawker? Shouldn't you be doing your homework? [Radar]
  • What do you get the man who has everything and also loves bowling? A bowling ball with his face on it. John Legend really loves to bowl so his girlfriend, model Christine Teigen got him a ball with his face on it. Seems vaguely threatening. [P6]
  • Transformers actor (and Fergie's husband) Josh Duhamel was kicked off a plane at New York's LaGuardia airport because he refused to turn off his BlackBerry; instead he started "taunting the attendant." Eventually the plane had to be brought back to the gate, and Duhamel was escorted off the plane, back to the giant playpen where he lives his life as a manbaby. [TMZ]
  • Charlie Sheen is close to tracking down the $165,000 Patek Phillippe watch allegedly stolen by porn star Capri Anderson during Sheen's latest hooker-and-blow extravaganza. "There have been multiple calls with information." There's probably an entire fleet of private investigators whose only job is to track down Charlie Sheen's possessions after they've been stolen by hookers. [Radar]
  • A screenplay is being written about the time Lance Bass and former swimsuit model Cheryl Tiegs drove through a particularly dangerous part of the Mexican countryside to get to Joe Francis' party after their flight was diverted. If Mexicans do it, it's a commute. If Lance Bass does it, it's a movie. [P6]
  • Us is featuring pictures of Taylor Swift with boyfriend (!) Jake Gyllenhaal's sister, Maggie Gyllenhaal in Park Slope. They're probably talking about how weird it is that Taylor and Jake are dating. [Us Weekly]
  • Usher Alicia Keys and Lady Gaga couldn't tweet about their Grammy nominations, because of that World AIDS Day campaign where they aren't tweeting until $1 million is raised for AIDS. Sad. [P6]