The nude woman who got Charlie Sheen hospitalized says he hit her and has hired a lawyer. Billy Ray Cyrus gets a divorce. David Arquette cried during his first post-Courteney sexual encounter. Thursday gossip shall overcome.

  • The naked lady partying in Charlie Sheen's hotel room during his drunken, coked up, hospitalization-inducing rampage has been identified: Meet Capri Anderson, née Alexis Walsh, née Christina Walsh. She says Charlie hit her and held her against her will, prompting her to call Plaza Hotel's security, thereby setting off the chain reaction that landed Sheen in the hospital. Some say the spat began when Charlie "couldn't find his wallet and accused [her] of stealing it." Others say the fight was over a watch. The 22-year-old Capri—who you might know from such hits as Cable Guy Sex or Filthy's First Taste 7—has hired a lawyer and is "weighing legal options." Despite early reports that Charlie's hotel room cohort was a hooker, Capri "is adamant that she's not a working girl," just a party girl. On her website [NSFW link] Capri poses with glass dildos and beer bottles in her vagina. [TMZ, NYPost, NYDN, TMZ, TMZ image via Club Capri Anderson NSFW]
  • Speaking of Charlie Sheen, he'll be returning to his job this week. Violent cocaine-fueled drunken benders are like hiccuping to him. [People]
  • Meanwhile, a red-eyed Denise Richards says her daughters have no idea what happened during the trip. "I don't want them to know what happened… The girls think they had a fantastic trip in New York with Mommy and Daddy. Dad left early." Denise is in New York promoting her new TV show, so she has to do interviews. "How sick are you of talking about Charlie?" asked one reporter. "It is what it is," she replied. [Popeater]
  • Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus are divorcing after seventeen years of marriage and the spawning of Miley Cyrus, which is considered the first sign of the Apocalypse in some parts of the world. Expect Miley's next album to channel her broken-home angst, LiLo-style. [People]
  • Kim Kardashian is the pied piper of professional athletes. The latest men to drop to their knees and beg for her attention: New York Giants Mike Boley, Hakeem Nicks, and Steve Smith. Meanwhile, she refused to be photographed with Chris Brown at Ciara's birthday party because she's terrified of being "romantically linked" to him. [P6, Gatecrasher]
  • Mel Gibson's so crazy, he's crazier than Mike Tyson who, unlike Mel, is still on for an appearance in The Hangover 2. Apparently the cast was OK working with Tyson, but drew the line at Gibson, so they canned his cameo. [P6]
  • Rachel Dratch finally revealed her baby daddy's identity: Her boyfriend, John Wahl a businessman who specializes in natural foods. Little Eli was born in August. [People]
  • Camille Grammer suspects ex-husband Kelsey Grammer pushed her into doing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills so she'd be preoccupied, and he could sneak off and cheat. He left her for his mistress, whom he impregnated. [Us]
  • The first time David Arquette had sex with someone who wasn't estranged wife Courteney Cox, "I was, like, crying." He's "still fucking in love with my wife," and apparently still fucking up his chances at getting back together with her by compulsively oversharing dirty details from their split. [Us]
  • At a loss for an earring back, Countess LuAnn de Lesseps stuck a wad of chewed gum on the back of her earring. Later, she had to cut the gum out of her hair with scissors. Bummer. [P6]