Pop star-alternative Pink (hey—isn't her hair supposed to be pink? What gives? That was her whole thing!) has left her husband of two years, Xtreme athlete Carey Hart, apparently because he was seen with another woman, color-indeterminate. Our mama always warned us about them MotoX—she said they'd drag our hearts around like a 450cc+ railing a berm like a pro. Keep on keepin' on, Pink. [AP]
Grasping for answers and hoping to bring some much-needed order to a world plunged into chaos by Sean Penn and Robin Wright's split after 11 years of marriage, an anonymous source describes a possibly meaningful incident in which a tarted-up Sienna Miller sat in the actor's lap at a NY party. Titillated yet? What if we told you that during that lap-sitting, Miller had her arm around his neck? A ha! Fortunately for all parties involved, a "Penn friend" dismissed the idea that the actress was somehow involved in the break-up, disclosing that the actress has a tendency to "drape herself over people she likes." See, she's just drapey! You may now return to snipe-hunting for clues about why the couple ended their relationship in old movie footage. [Rush & Molloy]
We regret to inform some of you (and are thrilled to inform some others) that a stunning reversal of romantic fortunes has befallen Oscar-jilted comedy superstar Eddie Murphy: A mere two weeks after what by all accounts was said to be the tropical fairy tale wedding to end all tropical fairy tale weddings, the Shrek Goes Fourth star (yes, it's coming, don't even try to escape) has announced that his legally-binding-only-in-Bora Bora marriage to girlfriend Tracey Edmonds has already come to an end:
In a surprise Defamer World Exclusive! (must credit Defamer's World's First Surprise Super Exclusive!) videographer Molly McAleer, who spent last evening in the Hollywood Hills working on choreography with her Satanist friends as she always does, captured this altercation between Sean and Robin Wright Penn—possibly the final blow-up that led to today's divorce announcement. Sean clearly seems to be the more conciliatory of the two, sweetly offering up small fondnesses, such as the way Robin reads her script dialogue out loud before bed every night—but we'll leave it to you to decide where, if anywhere at all, the fault lies.
In a disastrous Hollywood disunion tantamount to a massive, tectonic fissure erupting at Nichols Canyon, splitting our fair city in half and sending the two distinctive, autonomous land masses, rechristened Los and Angeles, their separate ways, divided by a blocks-long body of water that will eventually come to be known as the MidWilshire Ocean, Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have announced that their love, it is no more:
And you thought they wouldn't last. Actually, you probably haven't thought about them at all, but Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride star Brendan Fraser, and his wife, Afton Smith ("Ursala's Friend" in George of the Jungle) are splitting after nine years. Nine years of marriage. In Hollywood years, that's like not getting divorced at all. People reports:
Yet more from the ongoing custody battle between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, which began as a shame-free environment, and has quickly degenerated from there: Richards has now employed a former nanny to make several nauseating allegations about Sheen inappropriately touching his daughters. Not that he's all bad: She also acknowledges that Charlie has made an effort at mending fences, particularly with the following retraction:
Highest paid pom-pom-fetishist in television Charlie Sheen appeared in family court yesterday, defending himself against ex-wife Denise Richards, who sought to have overnight visits with their toddler-aged children revoked. As evidence, she once again warned the judge that they could be irreversibly scarred after stumbling onto his now well-known stash of bookmarked pep squad internet porn pages:
America's Sitcom Sweetheart Jenna Fischer won over all of our hearts playing The Office's lovelorn, plain Jane receptionist: Men fantasized about being with her, while women simply wanted to be her, marching into salons across the country and demanding they be given the mousey perm sensation known as "the Pam." But as is so often the case with objects of public fascination, what seemed like an impossibly glamorous existence outfitted in the finest sensible flat-soled shoes and cardigans masked a hidden pain—both of the lower back (she fell down a flight of stairs at an NBC upfronts party in May and spent most of the summer recovering), and of the heart. A blog post appearing today on her MySpace page has announced the end of her marriage of six years to Slither writer/director James Gunn:
We were sufficiently convinced that it sucks being Bobby Brown by Bravo's televisual testament to the fecal-based triumphs and tragedies of his unholy union with Whitney Houston. Never one to rest on his pathetic laurels, however, Brown has decided to fight a judge's April ruling that dissolved his marriage and awarded full custody of doomed spawn Bobbi Kristina to Whitney, on the grounds that he is merely a selfless giver screwed over by a wicked teen-napping succubus:
As much as we'd like to see our favorite celebrity marriages succeed, the sad truth is that the majority of romantic unions featuring one or more paparazzi-targets will end in crushing disappointment, as the two slowly come to realize that the disparity in their per-picture asking prices has wedged a permanent rift between them. Still, like so many other blatantly obvious yet unspoken Hollywood truths, that fact is never actually addressed. Instead, we get familiar clichés like "irreconcilable differences," and publicist mainstay, "the two remain great friends"—all of which makes the former Mr. Uma Thurman's candidness on the subject at a recently taped episode of Shootout all the more refreshing:
As Britney Spears' and K-Fed's toddlers are reduced to sending desperate S.O.S. notes to celebrity glossies via the carrier pigeons who have become their only friends and lifelines while encased in a chicken-wire prison in their mother's home, their quarreling parents continue to up the ante in the messy and contentious battle over who'll win the right to neglect the children full-time. In the latest development, K-Fed's lawyers served Spears' cousin and assistant Alli Sims with a subpoena to testify at the divorce hearings. (Watch the electrifying serving of the legal document in question here.) Federline's lawyer wouldn't offer details, saying only that Sims was "believed to have relevant information" regarding the case. Since this was the very same Alli Sims who reportedly sat back and did nothing as Britney shockingly tossed back glasses of post-rehab sake and wine, and more recently held a front-row seat to Britney's erratic OK!-photo-shoot transgressions, who better, then, to testify at Tuesday's custody hearing how the singer has been neglecting her kids in favor of cherished new family addition: couture-despoiling rat-dog, London?
If you were under the impression that Charlie Sheen's recent betrothal meant that his ugly and very public divorce from Denise Richards was finalized, you'd be mistaken, as there are still a great many unresolved matters of asset division and child custody between the warring couple. There are also unlikely glimmers of reconciliation, however, as Sheen now claims he has documented proof that Richards wanted to conceive a third child with the actor even after she discovered the ugly, trampolining-cheerleader truth. From People.com:
Gentlemen, hide your clippers; ladies, clean out your grease traps: Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are finally legally single. And despite K-Fed's alleged fury that she took the kids to Vegas without permission (why learn boring counting when you can learn to count cards?), the semi-professional sperminator apparently experienced a fit of amnesia and agreed to share custody of the kids:
One of Hollywood's pettier divorces in recent memory—that of Men in Trees star and intermittent lesbian Anne Heche from her cameraman husband Coley Laffoon—takes another childish nosedive today, with the soon-to-be-exes squabbling in court over various items of clothing, furniture, and accoutrements that have gone missing from the annoyingly designated rooms of their shared L.A. home:
While fans of comedian Kathy Griffin may be disappointed to hear rumors that she was passed over in favor of Whoopi Goldberg for a regular slot on The View, they can still keep tabs on their favorite Spielberg Shit-List Topper on her Bravo reality show, My Life on the D-List—now in its third, gripping season of chronicling her every celebrity-alienating exploit. The juicy backstory that dominated the first two seasons—regular-guy husband Matt Moline allegedly swipes $72,000 from her, a betrayal that ends in divorce and a surfeit of new material for her act—is still very much a topic of conversation, with a weepy Griffin telling cameras in the season premiere, "I thought he was a nice guy who loved me. Now, I don't think he ever loved me." Moline responds on his blog:
The ugly divorce and custody dispute between Anne Heche and husband Coley Laffoon (five-second primer: Anne: You pleasure yourself to pornography, subject our child to poker games, and frequent strip clubs while I'm hard at work! Coley: You're crazy.) has ended in what can only be heartbreak for the Men In Trees star, as a judge has given custody of Homer, their five-year-old son, to Laffoon:
Things may not have ended well between America's Current Sweetheart Reese Witherspoon and her caddish, underemployed ex-husband, Ryan Phillippe, but the couple appears to be moving on: Reese is reportedly in fake-love with Jake Gyllenhaal, and the divorce proceedings appear to be humming along smoothly:
