• Marc Jacobs says he's totally over having celebrities at his fashion shows because it's boring, and the only reason Lady Gaga and Madonna turned up to his show last year was because Gaga was performing at the after-party and Madonna, well, she just showed up. "She came backstage, and I was like, 'What do you do with her now?' Because it's not like she was invited." Somewhere, Madonna is burning all of her Marc Jacobs clothing. [P6]
• Rumors have been swirling recently that Ben Affleck fell off the wagon recently and is now drinking again. (He checked himself into rehab back in 2001.) On Monday, a bearded Affleck was spotted "cruising aimlessly" at the Chateau Marmont and "looking worse for wear." Uh oh. [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods mistress No. 1, Rachel Uchitel, has scored herself a job. A day after sitting down with Extra's Mario Lopez for an interview and now the show has hired her as its new nightlife correspondent. Just like hooker-turned-sex columnist Ashley Dupre, Uchitel is proving that you can make a big bunch of terrible decisions in life and come out ahead in the end, provided you have no shame and a burning desire to be famous. [P6]

A rumored Diddy-J.Lo sex tape may not exist, but enters court proceedings anyway; Katy Perry used Google to figure out when Russell Brand would propose; We Are the World: Haiti Edition records, Gerard Butler jokes about being gay. Tuesday gossip!

This year's Grammy Awards actually deserved the "Music's Biggest Night" title. Inside, video of all the best moments, including Lady Gaga's opening duet with Elton John, a speech by Michael Jackson's kids, and performances by Beyonce, Taylor Swift and more.

This week—in just two nights—The Train Wreck Sing-off taught us 12 new things. Tonight, we got lucky Number 13: Judge (and lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls) Nicole Scherzinger's accent is as unpredictable as Tiger Woods' hole selection.

Everyone lies about their music taste and secretly loves Celine Dion.

"Real Housewives" Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin posing for a pic on the LES yesterday after having lunch at Little Giant ... Brooke Shields shopping downtown ... Celine Dion leaving Serge Normant at John Frieda Salon in the meatpacking district, and later stopping off at Dylan's Candy Bar with her son ... Steve Martin eating lunch yesterday at Via Quadronno on Madison Avenue ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school in the Village ... Cynthia Nixon's partner, Christine Marinoni, walking downtown ... Emily Blunt arriving at the studios of the Today show ... Taylor Momsen on the set of Gossip Girl in the meatpacking district ... Pete Wentz shopping with his son Bronx ... Kate Hudson leaving MTV in Times Square ... and Rihanna shopping at Fendi on Fifth Avenue.

Alicia Silverstone riding the subway and listening to her iPod ... Vincent D'Onofrio hailing a cab in SoHo ... Ryan Reynolds walking downtown ... Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey leaving a building together .. Amber Rose shopping in SoHo with a friend ... Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis on the set of their new movie, Black Swan ... Tara Reid arriving at MTV studios in Times Square ... Taylor Swift getting ice cream with Emma Stone at a Baskin Robbins on Wednesday night ... Celine Dion signing autographs outside her hotel ... and Young Jeezy posing for pictures with a fan on the street.

Meg Ryan and Nora Ephron leaving Esca after having lunch on Friday ... Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone walking in the West Village ... Celine Dion and Rene Angelil leaving their hotel en route to lunch at Da Tommaso on Eighth Avenue ... Alex Rodriguez walking in Midtown ... Jessica Stam hanging with boyfriend Austin Cregg and friends downtown ... Shia LaBeouf listening to music on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Nicole Kidman getting out of a car with daughter ... Taylor Momsen walking to the set of Gossip Girl ... James Gandolfini signing autographs outside the Bernard Jacobs Theatre ... Ruben Studdard arriving at JFK ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing son Samuel in a stroller ... and Sienna Miller getting out of a cab.

• Was Lindsay Lohan dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death? That was what came out yesterday when the latest clip from Michael Lohan's vast archive of recorded phone conversations was posted online. (Dina Lohan can be heard expressing concern that Lindsay was headed down the same path.) On tap for today? A call between Dina and Michael in which she tells her ex-husband that Lindsay has been cutting herself. [NYDN, NYP, Radar]
• Alleged David Letterman extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman appeared in court yesterday where his lawyer asked a judge to drop all the charges against the former news producer. The reason? Halderman's $2 million demand wasn't blackmail, silly. It was a legitimate business proposal in which Letterman could have first dibs on his screenplay, naturally. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Rihanna says she put on the tightest dress she could find to pick up Glamour's Woman of the Year award on Monday night at Carnegie Hall. She also spent $50,000 flying in her mom, aunts and brothers from Barbados to join her at the event. One person who was missing from the festivities: Her dad, who RiRi recently said abused her mom while growing up. [P6, NYDN]

Mel Gibson and gal pal Oksana Grigorieva heading into Balthazar for lunch yesterday ... Jessica Simpson leaving the Ritz-Carlton in Midtown ... John Mayer walking around downtown ... Ivanka Trump arriving at a book signing at Barnes & Noble ... Kelly Rutherford heading to the set of Gossip Girl on the Upper West Side while Blake Lively and Chace Crawford talk on a bench nearby ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school in the West Village ... Celine Dion leaving the Ritz ... Chris Pine walking by himself ... and Sarah Jessica Parker making her way to the set of Sex and the City 2 with a bunch of fans following behind her.

John Mayer getting his hair cut at Sally Hershberger's salon in the meatpacking district ... Celine Dion getting into an SUV ... Chris Noth walking to the set of Sex and the City 2 ... Michael Douglas working out on a treadmill at the Equinox on 77th Street ... Naomi Watts walking to her apartment building in NoHo ... Ivanka Trump signing autographs after an appearance on Regis & Kelly ... Alessandra Ambrosio shopping with her daughter in the West Village ... Taylor Momsen talking on her cell phone while standing on the Gossip Girl set ... Hugh Jackman and wife Deborah Lee walking in SoHo ... Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr arriving at Ed's apartment ... Tim McGraw getting out of an SUV ... Edie Falco shooting scenes for Nurse Jackie ... Usher walking outside ... Penelope Cruz leaving her hotel en route to JFK ... and Rihanna heading into a recording studio downtown.

Is this show called A Gay Guy, Two Pregnant Chicks, and a Pizza Place That Sponsors a Football Team, because last night, that's what it was. What it lacked in music it made up for in soul—and Beyoncé.

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

• Remember how Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn said they were divorcing a few months ago, but then changed their minds and announced they were getting back together? Yea, well, they're divorcing again. [P6, People]
• ESPN's Erin Andrews, the reporter who was filmed in the nude without her consent a few weeks back, can be seen in a new set of "dirty" photos. This time it was intentional, though. [NYDN]
• Celine Dion and the man she calls her husband (but who we always confuse with her grandfather for some reason) are expecting their second child. [OK]
• Leighton Meester was shouting and carrying on with her friends at Philippe in East Hampton last weekend, much to the annoyance of other diners present like NBC chief Jeff Zucker and billionaire Steve Schwarzman. [P6]

Norah Jones turns 30 today. Celine Dion is turning 41. Warren Beatty is 72. Eric Clapton turns 64. Actor/comedian Paul Reiser is turning 52. Tracy Chapman is 45. Mark Consuelos, the husband of Kelly Ripa, is 38. Reality TV judge Piers Morgan is turning 44. MC Hammer is 47. And former 90210 star Ian Ziering turns 45 today.

Harvey Weinstein leaving the Waverly Inn with Blake Lively and Penn Badgley ... Hugh Jackman buying art supplies at Blick on Bond Street ... Jennifer Aniston getting in an SUV ... Philip Seymour Hoffman smoking a cigarette in the Village ... Vanessa Williams filming scenes for Ugly Betty on the Lower East Side ... Diane Kruger walking downtown ... Mariska Hargitay standing on the Law & Order set ... U2's The Edge walking with his wife, Morleigh Steinberg ... Celine Dion getting in an SUV outside her hotel ... Mario Lopez grabbing a taxi in front of Rockefeller Center ... and Kirsten Dunst watching a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden.

♦ A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie this weekend and threatened to kill him with a 12-inch knife before the 16-year-old was arrested. [Mirror, Daily Star]
♦ Is Ashley Olsen planning to marry boyfriend Justin Bartha in a secret wedding on the French Riviera? That's what the National Enquirer claims! Also: She supposedly wants Karl Lagerfeld to design her dress. [Daily Express]
♦ Joaquin Phoenix was acting "odd" and wobbly at an event in San Francisco last week, and now his friends are worried he's back to drinking and doing drugs. [P6]
♦ Beth Ostrosky and Ryan Reynolds both finished the NYC Marathon yesterday, along with about 35,000 other people. [NYDN]

Poor Diddy stepping in dog poop while his bodyguard glares at the paparazzi photographers capturing the embarrassing moment ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford filming a scene on the set of Gossip Girl ... Terri and Bindi Irwin getting out of an SUV in front of their hotel ... John and Cindy McCain on the set of Rachael Ray's show ... James Taylor carrying a shopping bag in Midtown ... Celine Dion signing autographs for fans outside her hotel ... Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa shooting a segment outside ... Katie Holmes on stage for the opening night of her play and then leaving dinner with Tom Cruise afterward ... and David Blaine and Donald Trump announcing Blaine's next stunt inside Trump Tower.

Ethan Hawke taking his dog for a walk ... Ashley Olsen leaving her apartment in the Village ... Whitney Port going for a stroll downtown ... Calvin Klein crossing the street ... Michelle Williams carrying daughter Matilda and a cup of coffee ... Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa filming a segment outside ... Liv Tyler peeking out of the front door of her apartment ... Katie Lee Joel heading into the Hearst building for a luncheon ... Tyra Banks leaving the same luncheon a little while later ... Joshua Jackson shooting scenes for his new show Fringe in Queens ... Kiefer Sutherland walking with a friend through the West Village ... Dita Von Teese making her way into Marc Anthony's party at the Bowery Hotel, around the same time Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounson showed up ... Celine Dion performing at Madison Square Garden ... Mary-Kate Olsen covering her face while walking downtown late at night ... and Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson leaving a dinner downtown.

• It looks like Pat O'Brien might be back off the wagon following his email rant about Lara Spencer to the staffs of both The Insider and ET. [R&M, P6]