Bieber-Gomez is the new Swift-Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes celebrates her birthday with a passionless date with Tom Cruise. Charles Barkley laughs at Brett Favre's penis. Monday gossip is for lovers.
TNT's NBA coverage dissolved into a pit of giggles as Charles Barkley expertly handled the Shake Weight. We love that the basketball legend managed to maintain a look of baffled naivety throughout (almost) the entire ordeal.
• If you're out shopping and you find yourself facing off against Kelly Killoren Bensimon for the last dress in your size, let her have it: The former model and Real Housewives star was arrested and charged with third-degree assault last week after punching her 30-year-old boyfriend in the face, leaving him with a "black eye and opening a blood-gushing gash on his left cheek." [NYP, NYDN]
• Poor Olivia Palermo says she's been misrepresented by MTV producers, since she's actually "a much nicer person in real life." Also? She's currently "vacationing in London with her model boyfriend," if you're interested. [People]
• How's this for a comeback: Rihanna and Chris Brown have reportedly been holed up in a studio working on a new track together for the past few days. [E!]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]
• Get the welcome wagon ready: Jennifer Aniston may be moving to New York soon, both to be closer to John Mayer and because she's filming her next two movies here. [Fox 411]
• A bunch of people who attended Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's Oscars party at Guy Oseary's house ended up leaving early and heading over to the more popular Vanity Fair bash instead. Kate Winslet screamed "Wooo!" at everyone who congratulated her (and later tripped down a small set of steps), a tipsy Natalie Portman flirted with Twilight's Robert Pattinson, and Mick Jagger chatted up every woman that came within two feet of him. [P6, NYDN, E!, Mirror]
• Madonna looked conspicuously wrinkle-free while squiring Jesus Luz around LA last weekend and eventually ran into Sean Penn on Sunday night. After congratulating him on his Oscar win, he pointed in Luz's direction and replied, "Thanks. Another kid already?" [NYDN, DS, Sun]
• Nicky Hilton placed a homeless man under "citizen's arrest" after he pushed her on to the ground outside an IHOP. Seriously. [Us]
Ivana Trump turns 60 today. Anderson Cooper's mother, heiress Gloria Vanderbilt, is 85. Cindy Crawford is 43. Sidney Poitier turns 82. Coach president Reed Krakoff is 45. Grace Hightower De Niro is turning 56. Knicks guard Stephon Marbury is 32. Patty Hearst is turning 55. Architect Deborah Berke is turning 55. Charles Barkley is 46. Senator Mitch McConnell is turning 67. Actress Lauren Ambrose is 31. And poor Rihanna turns 21 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump!
• It's getting ugly between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Star reports that the couple have gotten "physical" and there's been lots of "pushing and shoving," and Lopez has even gone running back to Diddy for help. [Star]
• Heiress Casey Johnson's new short hairdo? It's because she got into a vicious brawl with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, who set Casey's hair on fire and beat her up so badly that she had to be hospitalized. [P6]
• Better not ask Beyonce to dog sit. Staffers at her label, Columbia Records, say she dropped off her shih tzu six months ago but has yet to come pick little Munchie up. [The Sun]
• Jeremy Piven's latest conquest? A 23-year-old model/bottle waitress at Mansion named Ashley Chontos, who was the first to respond to Piven's late-night text appeal ("Come to my room—whoever responds first gets me for the night") and who, you'll be happy to hear, is standing by her man, even though he's in Bangkok so he can "recover" from "mercury poisoning." [NYDN]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are supposedly divorcing in a few weeks, or at least that's what the Daily News says. For the time being, though, they seem to be enjoying themselves in Puerto Rico. [E!]
• Mia Farrow's daughter's death may have been been AIDS-related. [NYP]
• Mariah Carey is supposedly in talks to make a Broadway musical about her life and hopes Leona Lewis, Vanessa Hudgens, or Eva Longoria will take on the lead role. [Telegraph]
♦ Details on the layoffs and management changes at Time Inc. [NYP]
♦ More on the demise of Maer Roshan's Radar and its God-awful TMZ-like reincarnation. [NYO, HuffPo]
♦ Fox News has apologized for putting a racist and anti-Semite on the air. [MM]
♦ Noted media expert (and former basketball player) Charles Barkley thinks Fox News is "corrupt." [B&C]
♦ Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial airs tonight. [AdAge, Politico]
Oh Fox News PR machine, how we've missed your vicious personal attacks on anyone speaking ill of the Mothership! It's been literally months since one of Roger Ailes' specially trained attack flacks unloaded against a reporter or a PR person or anybody else for the crime of calling Fox News a den of writhing right-wing pus-sucking leeches, or words to that effect. Well now they're up against 6'6, 250-pound man who specializes in snatching balls. Finally, a fair fight: NBA Hall-of-Famer, erstwhile (former) Alabama Republican and free-speaking man Charles Barkley pointed out the obvious:
