In last night's Nightline interview, Cher discussed her Burlesque co-star, what it's like to work with younger girls and why she envies Meryl Streep. As with every interview with the icon, Cher provides us with some amazing sound bites.

It is against my gay nature to speak ill of Cher, but since she's been on a media tour promoting her impending schlockfest Burlesque, she just sounds like an old. That's not going to sell tickets, Cher!

The most beautiful woman in the world has the ugliest laugh. Justin Bieber sprains his knee. Lindsay Lohan forgoes painkillers. Katy Perry's married life is like "a sitcom." Friday gossip needs a better laugh track.

Demi Lovato celebrates turning eighteen by getting in a catfight and going to rehab. Cher keeps messing up her transgender son's pronouns. Ricky Martin cried when he came out. Kim Kardashian launches her music career. Tuesday gossip cometh.

J.Lo's assistants aren't allowed significant others or vacations. Fred Armisen dumped Elisabeth Moss for a younger SNL cast member. Montana Fishburne explains the weird spots on her butt. Naomi Campbell cheats on her taxes. Thursday gossip rules with fear.

Here's a trailer for Burlesque, the Christina Aguilera/Cher girl-with-big-city-and-bright-lights dreams movie that, to some, seemed like the advent of a new gay Christmas. Well, Christmas is canceled this year, kids.

This weekend a naked man caused a five-car pileup after running around calling himself Jesus, then speeding away. Sigh. It's just gotten so boring, the insane pretending to be Christian Jesus. They need new delusions. Here are some ideas!

Thanks to Bravo, we all know that Real Housewife of New York Countess LuAnn was recording a single in the "Tardy with the Party" style. "Money Can't Buy You Class" has arrived and is as bad as you imagined.

As we learned last week, Tim Gunn's conundrum is the textiles. He is not seduced by them. And I must say I agree: As a general rule, I am also unseduced by conundrum-causing textiles. How about you?

Alanis Morissette—angry/thoughtful lady-pop voice of the 90s—sometimes acts. She showed up as God in Dogma and a bisexual on Sex and the City. And now she's appearing on Weeds for seven episodes. And we're pretty happy about it.

There's a gay Perfect Storm afoot that oughta be a rabble rouser. Also in news: the Friends kids keep on truckin', a live-action sorta Clone High is kicking into gear, and Jessica Simpson has terrible news.

Chastity Bono, the lesbian daughter of Cher and the late Sonny Bono, announced late today that she is planning to undergo a sex change operation.

All of the celebrities descended on Washington DC for yesterday's presidential ceremonies, in which former President Bush was pushed into the Potomac on an ice floe, never to be seen again. Read the dish!

• Despite showing off her cleavage, Britney Spears managed to attract only the likes of Lance Bass and Ciara to her big 27th birthday party at Tejune. But that's still a better guest list than she'd have been allowed at either of the mental hospitals she visited this year. And she's finally the center of America's attention!

Sad news that catty style assessor Mr. Blackwell passed away this weekend. Though, maybe not so sad for the decades' worth of celebrities that he slammed as his Worst Dressed picks of the year. If you're curious about who Mr. B selected as his top (bottom?) choice each year since 1960, you can find a list here. We've also compiled a photo gallery of the most recent 20, after the jump.

Another day, another Batman casting rumor! In the wake of murmurs that Philip Seymour Hoffman could be the next Penguin and Johnny Depp (not Brian Austin Green) may play The Riddler, the latest scuttlebutt concerns Batman foe Catwoman — and let's just say this casting choice ain't Angelina. No, according to the British press, 62-year-old Cher is in talks with director Christopher Nolan to add the comic-book role to an acting repertoire that already includes gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Says the Daily Telegraph:

• Courtenay Semel, daughter of former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, spent the night in jail after a night of carousing with her semi-girlfriend Tila Tequila and with Kourtney Kardashian. Semel apparently got into a fight with a security guard from Pure in Caesar's Palace, because what is there to do, other than be ANGRY at the world and at an underpaid hotel staffer, when you're a billionaire's daughter, on vacation in Las Vegas, leaving a glitzy nightclub with your smoking hot lesbian girlfriend? [P6]

· Look, if you're going to ask Hollywood's Favorite Crazy™ Gary Busey a question about his upcoming, 3-D horror movie, don't clutter up his head with extraneous flack-prompting. It just confuses him, and then he's forced to tear someone's endocrine system out—and nobody wants that! [Inside Edition]
· Spotted by a Defamer operative over the weekend at the LAT's Festival of Books: the singlet-sporting, love-handle-afflicted Hoboken Beach Diet Man! He even had his own booth. [Defamer]
· 60 years later, YouTube gives us access to really rare, really racist Looney Tunes cartoons. [NY Times, YouTube]
· Cher revealed to Oprah that she dated Tom Cruise for several months at the beginning of his career: "The audience burst into a frenzy of cheering and whooping, especially when she spoke of one particularly 'long night' in his arms." [news.com.au]
· Wants some cute? How about The Shins on Yo Gabba Gabba? [prn.newscom.com]

Oh, look, Tom Cruise did a very straight, manly thing back in his formative days that will finally make everyone stop looking for signs the Hollywood star is a homosexual: He boned Cher! Cruise had a fling with the noted heterosexual icon and pop diva in the mid-1980s after running into her at a White House fundraising event, which apparently had to do with raising money for people with learning disabilities. Cruise was 23 and Cher 39. Cruise's breakthrough hit Risky Business had just come out. Cher told Oprah all about the affair recently at a show taping in Las Vegas. Oddly, things were a little awkward, according to a summary of Cher's comments in the Daily Mail:

Yes, sadly, it's that time again. Time to stare into the lifeless abyss that is the Swan Dress. But Bjork's legendary snafu has friends! Like Celine Dion's Backwards Suit, Gwyneth Paltrow's Saggy Boob Goth Gown and Corey Feldman's Hammer Pants. All have appeared at one Oscars showdown or another, and all are here for your enjoyment once again.