Which Republican politician's turn is it next to be summoned into the presidential race and then immediately dismissed and hated by the party base over a pragmatic policy stance or two? Perhaps the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who still has no interest in running for president but may be kidnapped in the middle of the night by a few whiny hedge fund managers and reprogrammed (forced at gunpoint) into "taking the plunge."

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (who will be played by the talking trash heap from Fraggle Rock in his biopic) found out he is allowed to veto a $420,000 tax credit the New Jersey Economic Development Authority gave Jersey Shore to film in the state. He might do exercise that right. What a stupid idea.

Finally, the Republican got a mighty presidential candidate to bring them to the promised land in Rick Perry, governor of Texas. Will party voices now stop clamoring for new "white knights" to jump into the race and save them from the totalitarian reign of mild-mannered technocratic centrist Barack Obama? Of course not.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized this morning after he had trouble breathing. He's undergoing tests, but his staff claims he's okay and that his asthma is just acting up. Christie is reportedly overweight.

Today, with the help of the New Jersey ACLU, Gawker filed a civil complaint against the office of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie under the state's Open Records Act. We're seeking records of Christie's communications with Fox News chairman Roger Ailes. Christie claims they should remain secret under the state's executive privilege. We disagree.

While some hedge funders appear to be sticking by President Obama, mostly because he ate a fancy meal with them, others are still desperately searching for a viable Republican alternative who won't even occasionally use semi-mean language in public about the lords of high finance. That's why they're still trying to convince New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run, because he only says mean things about all middle class people, all the time.

Last week, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie quietly used his line-item veto powers at the last minute to cut about $1 billion in Democratic spending from the state budget, items which state Senate President Stephen Sweeney says were conditional to his support for the deal. Sweeney, in response, has been calling Christie a "mean old bastard," "rotten bastard," "bully" and "punk" whom he wants to "punch... in his head." This must be doing serious damage to New Jersey's reputation as the most polite state in the union.

The office of Republican Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey is claiming that Fox News chairman Roger Ailes is a confidential adviser whose interactions with the governor should remain secret under New Jersey's executive privilege.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie will reimburse the state $1,232.30 for a recent police helicopter ride to his kid's baseball game and $919.20 for another trip tomorrow. Finally, justice has been brought to New Jersey.

The good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, is in a real pickle back home after he took an state police helicopter to his son's baseball game yesterday.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is signing a proclamation today naming famous sobbing four-year-old Jesse Koczon Honorary Governor of New Jersey. "Honorary"? He wants the real job, Sandwiches! At least let him decapitate a few dozen unionized teachers.

Bruce Springsteen looks pretty good for 61, doesn't he? Not that it stops him from doing classic old-dude stuff, like writing letters to the editor of his local paper—which he did this week. The Boss' letter was not, however, about how the lady at Wal-Mart said "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" (though give him 15 years)—it was a letter of commendation for the Asbury Park Press' front-page story on poverty and budget cuts:

Poor three-year-old Jesse here can't stop sobbing in the car ride home, because people keep telling him that he's too small to be governor of New Jersey. By current New Jersey gubernatorial size standards, he is absolutely too small. But can't somebody make an exception? This passionate kid is volunteering to be governor of New Jersey, one of the worst jobs in America. Maybe he can temporarily fill in the next time Sandwiches runs off to Disney World. [via Buzzfeed]

So, it turns out that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is kind of a humungous liar, as The New York Times catalogs extensively in a front-page article in Thursday's paper. Not that anyone cares!

We already know that super-popular Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie could totally beat Barack Obama in an election for President of the United States. But could he also beat Obama in a race for President of Sexiness? A recent town hall suggests this. From the AP:

It's been a little while since we last checked in on the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, but he's suddenly become the most popular Republican in the country! And all it took was a few choreographed YouTubes of him screaming at teachers' unions, with his sleeves rolled up (crucially). So why won't he run for president already? Republican operatives, who hate all of the other candidates, demand it.

Yesterday New Jersey governor Chris Christie once again talked shit about the cast of Jersey Shore and said he wants New York to "take them back." He really needs to shut up about this.

Top Republicans asked Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, to deliver their official response to the president's State of the Union tomorrow, and he turned them down. Smart move on his part! He'd probably just yell at everyone.

After New York Senator Chuck Schumer blasted Chris Christie's decision to cut funding from a commuter rail tunnel as a "terrible, terrible decision," Christie shot back — telling Schumer to "mind his manners."

Silly Chris Christie. The New Jersey governor's latest rant about the state government going "bankrupt" yesterday rattled financial markets and forced the state to cut its new bond offering by half. Governor Sandwiches will be eating crow, now.