Chris Rock explains to Jimmy Kimmel his brilliant idea for easily smuggling fireworks, crack, or guns into New York City. Just in time for the Fourth of July!

From his "Kill the Messenger" special, foul mouthed Chris Rock lets all the white people out there know when is the appropriate time is for them to use the "N" word.

After the whole c*nt fiasco, it seems like everyone at the Today Show is up on their high horse about appropriate language. When Chris Rock dropped by, Meredith was worried he was going to drop an F-bomb at any moment.

Today at Gawker.TV, Jon Stewart has ideas for fighting unemployment, America's Got Talent comedian bombs-yet-survives by insulting the audience, Gordon Ramsay kicks off a Hell's Kitchen contestant, and Chris Rock calls Jay Leno a "bad, bad man" to his face.

Team CoCo's voice was heard last night when Chris Rock interviewed on The Tonight Show couch. Between criticizing Kevin Eubanks' departure and saying "I can't believe you're back! You're a bad man, Jay Leno," it was interview for the ages.

Chris Rock stopped by Late Night last night to discuss Death at a Funeral, and mused on some of the foibles inherent in real-life funerals. This guy makes it way too easy on late-night hosts.

Do you think someone should be arrested for smoking pot? These celebs don't either. Watch as Bill Maher, Chris Rock, John Stewart and others discuss why the war on drugs is out of date.

Chris Rock surprised David Letterman last night on The Late Show when he brought up Dave's sex scandal. Rock also chastised Dave for hiring fat guys to replace the hot girl interns. David couldn't say much.

One is a Cambridge-educated starlet. The other is an "ink-stained hellcat" who kissed and told. Tabloid coincidence and famous actresses' husbands bring them together. Alec Baldwin gets in a homophobic/homoerotic war of words. Thursday gossip is full of surprises.

Tumblr founder and skinny white wunderkind David Karp posed a question to his followers today: "Can I use the word 'nigga' if I'm quoting a song?"

We like Zach Galifianakis so much we won't ruin this post by complaining that anyone who first discovered him by watching "The Hangover" doesn't deserve to call themselves a Galifianakis fan. Whoops! Anyway, he is starring in a new film.

Chris Rock is the perfect mix of on point social commentary and goofy, potty humor. Whenever he goes on his soapbox rants you just want to stand up and yell with him.

[Natalie Portman was a typically unamused vegan when Chris Rock called her a salad shooter at the Gotham Independent Film Awards party in New York last night. Image via Getty]

If sparkly vampires shit in the woods, would you listen? Did Michael Jackson drink Pepsi? Is Amy Winehouse on drugs again? Does being Ashley Durpre get you invited to parties? Is Jay-Z still gangster? Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Do you feel that? Those are George Carlin's acid tears falling from heaven. There are some mainstays on the millionaire funny-man list. But there is one depressing shocker. Can you guess who?

Everyone everywhere is mad about Terminator. Ashlee Simpson continues to plague us, as does The View. More film work for Tracy Morgan! And Julia Roberts too.

It's been more than a decade since Chris Rock first made tabloid headlines when it was reported that he'd had a fling with Monika Zsibrita, a Hungarian model whom he met over Sunday brunch at the Four Seasons in LA. Unfortunately for Rock, the brief liaison has dogged him ever since. Zsibrita later accused him of raping her and suggested he was the father of her child; Rock, in turn, hired Anthony Pellicano to investigate Zsibrita and was forced to testify about his relationship with the disgraced private eye at his wiretapping trial last year. It doesn't appear Rock will be able to put the matter behind him anytime soon. Although no charges were ever filed against Rock—and paternity tests concluded he wasn't the father of her child—Zsibrita slapped Rock with a civil suit last August, claiming that Rock forced himself on her, had dispatched Pellicano to intimidate her, and then had damaged her reputation when he talked about the case on Howard Stern's radio show. (She also disputes the results of the paternity test.) The court documents were sealed when the suit was originally filed last year, but a judge lifted the seal late last week. We've obtained the court papers, and you can have a look at the raunchy allegations for yourself after the jump.

New York City's unofficial first lady, Diana Taylor, is celebrating her 54th birthday today. Hope Mike got you something nice! Others celebrating: Tom Brokaw is turning 69. Former Daily News gossip columnist Lloyd Grove is 54. Henry Blodget is 43. Chef Marc Murphy is turning 40. Axl Rose is turning 47. Journalist/author Michael Pollan is 54. Natalie Cole is 59. Rich Astley is turning 43. And Zsa Zsa Gabor is 92. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Mary Louise Parker was the center of attention at the Roundabout Theatre on Sunday for the opening night of her new Broadway show, Hedda Gabler. Parker and her co-stars, Michael Cerveris, Peter Stormare, and Paul Sparks, and the play's director Christopher Shinnas were joined at the play and after-party by Liza Minnelli, Joan Rivers, Blythe Danner, Mamie Gummer, Amy Irving, Billy Stritch, and Tovah Feldshuh. [PMc, Wireimage, GoaG]

• MSNBC is planning to broadcast the inauguration live in 27 movie theaters around the country. The tickets are free; the popcorn and soda are not. [THR]
• The White House has requested 10 to 15 minutes of airtime on Thursday evening so George Bush can give a "farewell address" to the nation. [NYT]
• Chris Rock has signed a book deal with Grand Central Publishing. [PW]
• Is Blake Lively's appearance on the cover of Vogue a bad sign? [NYP]
• Ex-Voice fashion writer Lynn Yaeger will be writing for New York. [NYO]
• Condé Nast has appointed Bill Wackermann to oversee Domino. [MW]
• Comedy Central will begin broadcasting in high definition later this month, just so you can enjoy Carlos Mencia in all his glory. [B&C]