World events have screeched to a halt. Here is a funny article from the Onion: "Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas." You guys like the Onion, right? If anyone comments with "slow news day, huh?" You will be sorry. [Onion]

Seems that an undergraduate creative writing class took over the Times' editorial page today.

Saturday Night Live is currently in its 35th season. While there are tons of people that will say "It hasn't been funny since X was on," it still has some of the greatest Christmas sketches ever.

This video is helpful for one of two reasons. One— you enjoy fruitcake and would like to learn how to make it. Two— you'd never want one for Christmas, but wonder what's inside these things. I'm the latter.

In the grand tradition of people hiding in enclosed spaces, Gawker.TV is pleased to announce: The Person Jumping Out of a Mock Gift Box 3000. Call now, supplies are limited.

Christmas is a time for trees. Stockings. The crackling of logs on a fire. Except that the last one causes emissions and ruins the planet! You bastards! In towns around the country, the government is battling this menace. With spies.

While you may be hoping that something happens today to break any familial tension and give you something to talk about with aging relatives, the President is essentially crossing his fingers for an incredibly uneventful holiday in Hawaii.

Swedes are sort of like Earth's benevolent alien overlords, right? They just are so different than us, gazing down from their icy zone! For one thing, they have a strange tradition of watching Donald Duck cartoons each Christmas Eve.

The Vatican's Christmas Eve mass had an NFL quality tonight. A mentally unstable woman knocked over Pope Benedict XVI as he walked down the aisle at St. Peter's Basilica. The Pope is OK. Thank God. (Seriously, do it.) [AP]Update:

More incredible than the miracle of Christmas is the miracle of adorable animals dressed up in costumes doing tricks. If only all the manger critters had frilled sombreros and hula hoops like the international superstar B.B. Bunny and her entourage.

In the 80's there was a holiday special that used to air called "A Claymation Christmas." While the rest of the show was pretty damn good, no other act was more memorable than the California Raisins.

Lexus commercials be damned— women love getting cars for Christmas, no matter what brand they are! Here are sixteen different women receiving sixteen different cars and expressing a myriad of emotion (surprise, confusion, happiness) in sixteen different ways.

Instead of throwing their old cell phones away, ad agency LBI "up-cycled" them and turned them into a living, breathing, interactive sculpture (and AMAZING website) called "mobile-mobile." It just so happens to also play awesome Christmas tunes.

Whether you're wrapping a bicycle or a six pack of beer, wrapping paper is a ton of fun. What better way to get your friend into the Holiday spirit than making his whole apartment a present?

For some, visiting the family for the holidays is fun. For the rest of us, it's a grueling ordeal, a test of endurance. However, I am surprised that "booze" isn't the solution here. Live and learn, I guess.

Chocolate Rain was good—45 million views on YouTube good—but Tay Finally comes to the realization that he should have been singing "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" all along.

The holidays are a time for hope, and drinking to excess. Both promote a rosy view of the world. Which might explain all the most-wonderful-time-of-the-year-type stories that abound today. Perfect if you're about to kill a relative/airline representative.

Unlike the family-friendly Michael Keaton movie of the same name, this Jack Frost concerns a "mutant killer snowman" who terrorizes the folksy denizens of Snowmonton (get it?) for the holidays. Despite endless puns, its freakishness still bests Keaton's wintertime fluff.

Now that we have safely arrived at our destinations the real fun begins. It's time to terrify with your tales of holidays gone horribly awry. The tree is up, let's set it on fire with a candle from the Menorah!

We hope those last-minute shoppers don't come up short this Christmas, lest you want to incur an child's angry (and violent) wrath. Like this father did.