[Two divers at an aquarium in Seoul wish you a Merry Christmas. So do I! (and, you know, Joyous Channukah and whatnot); image via Getty]

Yesterday, we explored the emotional resentment that the gift of a Paul Smith jacket can dredge up. Then you shared your stories! This season is truly about failing to connect with our loved ones.

"It's a question that many people have on their minds this season: Does spiking the homemade eggnog safeguard it against salmonella?" A: Who cares! [NPR]

It is "the holy day season," we're told. Here at Gawker HQ, that means one thing: Christmas music!*

Poor Elisabeth Hasselbeck. After stepping up to the podium at the Republican National Convention and then hitting the campaign trail to stump for John McCain and Sarah Palin, how does the White House repay her for her valuable service? By denying her an invite to the annual White House Christmas party! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's never bothered to register as a Republican? [NYP]

• Ryan Sutton offers up his list of the year's best meals and deals. [Bloomberg]
• Archipelago, which shut down last week, is now planning a relaunch. [Eater]
• The EV pizza place Artichoke Basille is looking to open 5 new locations. [NYP]
• Billy's Bakery in Chelsea has a satellite store in the works. [GS]
• NYC's spiciest cocktails, if you're into that sort of thing. [Metromix]
• A long list of Christmas Day dining options around town. [Zagat]

Everyone in Real-America liked Christmas a lot, but Hitch, who lived just north of Real-America, did not. So he drank until ill and drank until iller, and spilled on his Christmas card from Phyllis Diller!

Viacom, the parent company of MTV, VH1, Comedy Central, and Nickelodeon (among others), recently laid off 7% of their staff. That is 850 people, folks! But apparently, Nickelodeon president Cyma Zarghami doesn't think it's any reason to cancel Christmas, hosting a party for a chosen few— but Viacom's employee party was officially taken away this year due to lack of funds. This, of course, really pisses off the uninvited. Memo follows.

Christmas (and the Jewish Chanukahs) are almost upon us! People are literally making a killing at the discount stores. But you, bedraggled and drunken procrastinator, you probably won't get started with your shopping until the 23rd or so. And then it will be a mad dash. What to buy? And for whom?? Well, after the jump I'll give you a few helpful suggestions that ought to help expedite the process a wee bit. Print the list out, file it away, then go back to lying on the rug and drinking spiced eggnog from a mug with a straw and laughing dimly at George Lopez reruns.

What would you do if an old man broke into your house in the middle of the night and tried to pleasure your children? We would leave him milk and cookies. No, silly! We're not talking about creepy Mr. Pryzborowski down the street. We're talking about Santy Claus! Who, actually, can be pretty creepy himself. What with the beard and chortling and likely booze-stink. In fact, just in time for the holidays, Flabbergastedly has a little gallery of photos of children being terrified by Father Christmas (culled, it seems, from this bigger list) that we find delightfully funny. Look at a couple of our favorites after the jump.

"New [White House Hannukah] invites went out yesterday with a menorah on them and a note saying, 'Please accept our apologies.'" [Page Six, Previously]

Harper's was so thoroughly impressed with its clever ironic Christmas party that the monthly officially sent us an invitation. Not so that we could, you know, actually attend, but just so that we, too, might admire the wit behind a "Black Tie & Pizza" gathering, complete with an illustration of precious bow-tied editors and unpaid interns in flowing gowns bought by daddy, all eating — HA! — the Italian pies we've all heard so very much about. Black tie is oh-so-cleverly optional. And you might as well drink up your "Kill Fee" cocktail, because you're probably not getting the paper kind for quite some time! Read all about it after the jump.

Can still-president George W. Bush continue to wow us with asinine mistakes with a mere two months left in his presidency when he's so clearly checked out already? If his upcoming Hanukkah party is any indication, he's still got it! Attached, his invitation to the White House Hanukkah reception, sent to Jewish leaders across the nation. As you can see, the invite shows a Clydesdale delivering the traditional "Hanukkah Tree" to a White House decorated top to bottom in Hanukkah wreaths. Ha ha ha they just don't care.

We stand corrected! Not everyone is canceling their Christmas parties. Magazine publishing biggie Bauer (InTouch, Life & Style) is having a "Bauer on Broadway" Christmas party in Weehawken, where you can perform your favorite showtune with a live band! The only drawback? It costs a whopping $170 to bring a spouse or significant other (or, you know, drunken friend) to the shinding. Which is funny because, as a tipster puts it, that kind of "encourages infidelity." If it's too expensive to bring a date, then you'll be at a dateless party with a bunch of your sloshy coworkers and, well, workplace awkwardness can happen. Though it is in New Jersey, and getting extramarital nookie across state lines isn't really cheating anyway. See the full invite below.

If you're planning to be in the vicinity of Rockefeller Center tomorrow, keep in mind that a 115-foot long trailer will be depositing an eight-ton tree in the middle of the Midtown during the early morning hours. Did your company cancel its annual holiday party and/or festive office decorations? Consider this your substitute! [NYDN]

The annual War Against Christmas is starting again! This is the time of year when secular humanists and other assorted anti-American forces do various things to undermine Jesus, such as asking for the term "Holiday party" to be substituted for "Christmas party," and requesting that Jews, Muslims, and members of other blasphemous religions be "included" in things. But this year it's even worse, because some atheists have started a public ad campaign designed to destroy God! Fox News is taking this threat very seriously:

This is going to be the saddest holiday season ever! Not because so many people have been laid off in recent months, real estate values have plummeted, and stock portfolios are underwater. Even those who still have jobs can no longer look forward to one of the few remaining perks in corporate America—the holiday party with a neverending supply of free food and drink. Companies have been canceling their annual shindigs left and right in recent weeks, thus dashing the dreams of countless mid-level executives who have been dreaming of getting the cute assistant in human resources liquored up and making out with her in the coat room since, well, last year's party. After the jump, a list of local companies that have canceled their Christmas festivities thus far. Are we missing some? Email us at tips@cityfile.com.

Morgan Stanley has cancelled its series of holiday parties. But at least (some) employees will still get big bonuses! [NYP]

Bruce Wasserstein might be looking better than ever these days, but Lazard employees won't get to admire Bruce's new visage in the warm glow of Christmas: The firm has cancelled its holiday party! [Dealbreaker]

Barclays, which acquired the operations of a bankrupt Lehman Brothers in September (and has been firing people left and right ever since), has cancelled its annual Christmas party. [Dealbreaker]