After the government's jackbooted thugs decided that "light" cigarettes were illegal, terrified consumers mewled, "However shall we distinguish our favorite formerly 'light' brands?" Here's how: They'll all be conveniently color-coded. It's like this whole "ban" never happened, huzzah!

"Every cigarette you smoke can take years off your life," says this ghostly new anti-smoking ad. Technically that's a lie. But if it were true, smoking would be awful! More so. Click through to watch this counterproductive tricknology. [via Adfreak]

NYC authorities are actually trying to shut down four clubs—including nasty burlesque-porn den The Box—for flouting indoor smoking laws. The Box is fighting for its very survival today! Nobody is "too cool" for rules. [NYDN; Related. Pic via]

Love cigarettes, but hate the hassle of lighting them? Go back to South Korea, 1972. Unfortunately, it never caught on and Kyu-bong's invention, as well as $20,000 worth of research, went up in smoke.

Good news, cigarette fans: A judge (in Kentucky, of course) ruled that tobacco companies can use a wide array of colors in their cigarette ads. Bad news: Also full-color will be the graphic, mandatory "You will die" warnings, complete with nasty photos. Good news: Phillip Morris is willing to work with the FDA to gently guide you, the cigarette fan, towards a healthier lifestyle replete with a variety of smokeless tobacco options. For your health.
Bad news: "A cigarette manufacturer is not a physician."
[Pic: Copyranter]

Earlier this year, the US government banned "flavored" cigarettes, saving kids the shame of having to admit decades later that they used to smoke "Kauai Kolada Camels." In the meantime, more kids than ever started smoking menthols. Health policy success!

Several large NYC landlords are moving to ban smoking inside their own apartment complexes, and on the sidewalks outside them, as well. Clearly, this violates our just-made-up list of Places People Can Always Smoke, No Takebacks.

The fiendish "government" is trying to ban clove cigarettes. So Big Clove has invented a novel way to fight back: Getting a court to declare that their clove cigarettes are not, in fact, cigarettes. Dude. Come on. Just declare it.

In five years, will you be a wheezing, blackened mess? Or—conversely—will you have five more years of tobacco byproducts in your lungs? Well. You have to admire their "Lie big or lie dead" attitude. Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

Suck down the last sickly sweet puffs of your precious Warm Winter Toffee Camels, kids, because as of today, flavored cigarettes are illegal in America. Time to move up to the real stuff!

America's biggest tobacco companies voluntarily stopped advertising cigarettes in magazines, because they care about you, the tobacco consumer. But hey, have you tried this new "Snus?" Try it, in your mouth! Check out the magazine ad for it!

They banned smoking in bars, and people said nothing, because they did not smoke in bars, except sometimes if they were really drunk. But now NYC wants to ban smoking in parks, and lo! Smokers finally get some public sympathy.

Dude, the government lets cigarettes be legal even though they kill like thousands of people. But weed is illegal. And now, dude, cloves are illegal. Cloves! The taste proves they're not killing you! Clove-smoking hippies are fighting back. With cloves!

Earlier this year, the government passed a new law that totally kneecapped the ability of marketing wizards to educate the public on how awesome cigarettes are, in Flavor Country (America). Luckily, the media's favorite lawyer is on the case!

Gawker Paycheck Journalism: doing our part to bring more money into circulation, or something. Because even the darkest cloud has a silver lining, every sex tape leak has an upside to it. In this case: product placement for Big eTobacco.

Want to know how awesome starlets Lily Allen and Kate Moss stay in shape? This isn't a joke about blowcaine! You can do it, too. Kate and Lily took the most awesome Rock Chick vacay ev-ah and looked awesome. How?

An unidentified man who burst into a Kansas VA medical center with a gun surrendered after trading his ammunition for a pack of cigarettes. His motives are still unclear. Nobody was injured. [USA Today]

You should stop smoking, doctors say. Here, we have medications to help you stop, doctors say. But oh—these medications could make you kill yourself. What the hell is science good for?

Last week, the federal government passed a bill that lets the FDA essentially control everything about how cigarettes are advertised and marketed. New restrictions could save thousands of lives. But wait, this could hurt magazines! Stop everything!

The Senate has just passed a sweeping bill that essentially bans light cigarettes, as they're marketed as healthier when, really, they're not. So no more of your favorite iconic brands, which are mostly smoked by the youngs. Brands like: