Helpful scientists have found that binge drinking increases the risk of lung cancer in smokers "regardless of how many cigarettes a day they smoked." There's very little hope for you, now. [Science Daily]

Is 'in the midst of crushing economic insecurity' really the time to start fucking with smokers and their access to cigarettes? Because that's what the governmentalsciencecleanair-complex has apparently decided to do, and it's not smart:

They already ruined coffee and now your smokes are white supremacists??? "[People] with the most melanin were found to smoke the most...and to have the highest level of dependence on tobacco." The conspiracies are real!

Good news: Coffee's not bad for you! Bad news: Unless you smoke when you drink it. But, good news: if you're an alcoholic you must drink coffee!

Edwina Pearce, a spokeswoman for the Cancer Council Victoria, which produced the ad in Australia, said the boy, whom she identified only as Alexander, shed real tears.

I paid $10.50 for a pack of cigarettes this morning. Where's my bailout?

Our supercool, smokin' President-elect has already inspired ironic T-shirts, lawsuits based on those T-shirts, and now a classic "this thing looks like that thing" post, all in one week!

The liberal portion of the Supreme Court says that average jerks can sue cigarette companies for fraudulently marketing their light cigarettes—which kill you—as safe. Conservatives say no, just shut up and die. Really!

Michael Kinsley argues that Barack Obama, smoker, claims he quit smoking, but probably didn't quit smoking. Kinsley makes the very good point that why the hell does Barack Obama need to quit smoking? We elected him because he's so cool and calm, the last thing we should do is take away his cigarettes. Not mentioned: why do we never see our smoking politicians smoke anymore? No photographs! How can a man be followed around by cameras essentially non-stop for two years without someone snapping a photo of him bumming a smoke? Everyone's in the tank! (Of course, it doesn't matter anyway, as Barack Obama is not even eligible to be president. It's true!) (It's not true.)

Deep down, the smokers among us knew that this day was coming: a new study says that warning labels on cigarette packs subconsciously make people want to smoke more. Does this mean the City of New York will stop running all those anti-smoking ads with the tracheotomy dude who can't swim any more and the amputee lady who lost her fingers? No, those are just good old-fashioned punishment. [Ad Age]

Well now, we got our hands on a survey of people who watch Mad Men, the critically acclaimed show that consists of sex, sexism, cigarettes, booze, boozy sex, racism, and a bit of advertising. And guess what? The audience appears to be made up of off-the-charts alcoholics. Forty-seven times the normal rate of hard Irish Whiskey drinkers, for example. But there's one stunning twist in all this here data!

Yesterday, the Supreme Court heard arguments in a class action case accusing the tobacco industry of fraud for its marketing campaign aimed at convincing the public that "light" cigarettes are safer. This just shows you how far we've come: 50 years ago, we would have had to call the Supreme Court to determine which brand has the smoothest flavor for your T-Zone"! Coincidentally, the New York Public Library is now holding a huge exhibition of hi-larious old cigarette ads. With doctors! Babies! Blackface! And other outrages! In honor of our nation's justice system, the 15 best are below:

While some shell-shocked banking douches are selling blow-jobs as a way to cope with the economic meltdown, others are turning to more pedestrian methods to ease their stress. Namely, they're smoking their lungs out. Now that their hopes and dreams are dead, there's not much point to looking after their health, and they can be found puffing away all over the financial district like metalheads behind the high school bleachers. "Before the turmoil, says [Erick] Giliberti, a manager at Deloitte who works with mortgage-backed securities, I was maybe a pack a week.' Now? 'Probably double that...I can't stare at my computer screen anymore and watch the market collapse in front of me—I just want to get away from it.'"

Should menthol cigarettes be banned? From a public health standpoint, shit yea. It would be best for all of us if the only cigarettes available were unattractively packaged, harsh-tasting, and unwieldy. As a Kool smoker, though, I have mixed feelings. You know who else does? Members of the Congressional Black Caucus who receive bundles of cash from the tobacco industry! The fact that "75 percent of black smokers choose mentholated brands" means that the current battle over whether or not to ban them goes to issues even deeper than their sweet, sweet mentholated taste. Things at stake: billions of dollars in revenue, hundreds of millions in marketing campaigns, racial tension, and how happy cigarette companies are to kill you in exchange for money! The current bill in Congress would ban "flavored" cigarettes, but exempt menthols. The Black Caucus is an important player because they stand for the black community—the most enthusiastic consumers of menthols—and they've been wooed big time by tobacco companies.

The image you see on top is a standard ad for Mad Men, AMC's series about hard-paryting admen in the good old days that conveniently advertises itself everywhere. The image on the bottom is what you see when you visit iTunes to purchase the full season of Mad Men. The difference? On iTunes, the man has had his cigarette taken away. Steve Jobs does not understand the point of this show at all. Click to enlarge the Apple-approved scrubbing of our culture.

It's still cool to buy some weed and smoke a joint in one of Amsterdam's fine coffee houses, but the freedom-hating health nuts at the European Union have shoved their anti-tobacco agenda down that fair city's throat! This is a real problem for Amsterdam's stoners, since they enjoy the European tradition of mixing tobacco with their hash and Mary Jane.

Are you aware that Camels are made from finer, more expensive tobaccos than any other brand? And that they stimulate digestion, taste great, and will make you a better swimmer? Failing to teach your kids to smoke Camels is virtually child abuse! All true, according to the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company. We've compiled five of the most outrageous claims from classic Camel ads of the 1930s-50s, from the peerless archive at the Gallery of Graphic Design. Read them and be educated. Do it for your "T-Zone!"

Seven former US health secretaries have signed a letter calling on the government to ban menthol cigarettes, which have been exempted from an upcoming bill banning "flavored" cigarettes. Congress, thankfully, isn't backing them on this one. Do you know what we smoked before Kools? Beedies. They're even worse! Soon, shady Astroturf groups quietly financed by Big Tobacco will come together with unscrupulous hustlers posing as representatives of the black community to say: Hands off our bodies, government! [NYT]

The state of New York raised its cigarette tax by $1.25 per pack today, which has caused some of the more pricey Manhattan stores to start selling packs for $10.25. Outside of prisons, this appears to be the first time in US history that the cost of a pack has hit the four-digit mark. That sound you hear is the stampede of kids buying dime bags of weed. Or as they call it now, "saving a quarter." [AP]

How popular are menthol cigarettes? Popular enough to reverse logic. The government is set to pass a bill that will ban "flavored" cigarettes, but menthols will be excluded. Because menthol, of course, is not a flavor. What menthol is is close to $20 billion in sales for the tobacco industry. As well as an important part of African-American culture! Tobacco companies advertise menthol brands disproportionately to minority communities, and it obviously works, although nobody really knows why. What we do know is that this bill is perfect—it protects my precious Kools, while saving America from the strawberry menace: