Any smoker who moved to New York from another state has probably reflected on the fact that they could make a lot of easy cash just by filling up a U-Haul truck with cheap cigarettes from back home and driving them into the city. And boy would they be right! Congressman Peter King has helpfully crunched the numbers for an editorial in the Post today, and now we are seriously considering getting into the Newport-smuggling business full time. Upside: you can make $50K in a single trip. Downside: according to Peter King, you will probably use that money to finance "another 9/11-style attack." Also: Peter King loves to use the phrase "butt-smuggler":

The City of New York has always run anti-smoking ads that are pretty great, in the sense that they're disgusting and make smokers jump up and change channels as quickly as possible. The city's newest campaign features "Marie," a 58 year-old who has smoked for 40 years, even as bits of her body were constantly being amputated because of her poor circulation [NY Sun]. This could backfire, though, because it just makes it easy to say "I'll stop after my first amputation." The ad is below—I particularly admire how they slipped in a picture of a bone saw. Something to think about on my smoke break.

Jonathan and Jenny Selbin—two people who deserve one another—are both attorneys and the worst neighbors you could possibly imagine. In February, they filed a lawsuit against their neighbor for smoking in her own apartment, taking her to court even after she bought air purifiers because her smoking was "endangering" their sensitive child. The note they slipped under her door at the time read "As you may not be aware, we are both lawyers and both litigators, for whom the usual barriers to litigation are minimal." That bit made them the runaway winners of our February ""Which snippet from the Times Real Estate section makes you most want to assault the person in the story?" contest. Now, the suit has been settled [NYT]—and the Selbins are concerned about their own reputation.

Bad/ good news: New York is attempting to double its cigarette tax to $3 per pack, which would bring the overall cost of a pack to almost $9, the most in the nation. But the New York Association of Convenience Stores is lobbying hard against the increase, saying it will only drive smokers to bootleggers and Indian reservations to stock up. Gosh, how evil of these cursed Convenience Store lobbyists to oppose this vital public health measure! Also, does anybody know where I can send contributions to the Convenience Store lobby? This is tearing our society's fragile smoker-nonsmoker peace agreement apart! Luckily, the crack New York media found one smokin' teenager to put this difficult issue in perspective:

Except for dry cleaners, almost everyone likes the New York City cigarette ban. People smell better, smokers have an excuse to leave a bad conversation and non-smokers feel left out, as they should. But oh no: we're getting fat without our cigs! From 2002, when the law was enacted, through 2004, New Yorkers gained 10 million pounds collectively. Imagine how fat we are now! The island will surely sink if we can't smoke indoors. Manhattan will become a post-apocalyptic wasteland inhabited only by Will Smith and roving hordes of zombie fatties, unless you give us back our cigarettes. What's a little cancer compared with looking good in skinny jeans? [NY Sun]

So some scientist did some study that showed that many fewer people would die of the lung cancer if we all got CT scans, or something, and they printed the study in the New England Journal of Medicine. But now the New York Times has revealed that the study was funded in part by a foundation that received four grants from Liggett Tobacco, so none of it counts. "In the seven years that I've been here, we have never knowingly published anything supported by" a cigarette maker, the editor-in-chief of the journal said. Because he wants us to die. They'll take all the studies in the world funded by groups whose raison d'etre is proving that cigarettes are bad! But one little giant tobacco company tries to come up with a way we can safely journey into the country of the shadow of flavor and suddenly its a big ethics crisis. Now they'll ban the cigarettes, again. [NYT]

To celebrate her inability to quit smoking and the further emasculation of Joshua, the Grey's Anatomy star intends on proudly gorging herself on an entire box of double fudge brownies and cupcakes. If you can't beat it, eat it.

How's this for a brilliant idea: a cigarette that will still give you all the cancer, but without any of that sweet, sweet nicotine! You get no pleasure from smoking it beyond the satisfaction of committing yourself to 10 minutes less of life. Former FDA policy director David Adams sees a world where kids finally get their own cigarettes, so they can continue to "fit in" and "look cool" while not worrying about becoming addicted or enjoying the entire chemical point of smoking. And eventually nicotine will be banned anyway and only wealthy assholes will be able to afford antique cigarettes smuggled in from Cuba or something. [NYT]