By now, seemingly every pop culture pundit worth their weight in punchlines has latched onto the high comedic value of David Caruso's effusive stylings on CSI: Miami. In particular, The Soup's Joel McHale has taken extreme delight in (and created a cottage industry from) Caruso's patented "I'm going to hastily remove my sunglasses while I deliver this one-liner" maneuver. But until we read this insider's account of Caruso's excruciating acting process on Popbitch, the TV viewer in us always just kind of naively assumed that these moments happened semi-serendipitously. But boy oh boy, were we ever wrong:

The Law of Diminishing Talent: The more accents, impressions, or tricks one packs into a YouTube video, the worse each trick is. That's why the two funniest "impressions" videos of the year so far are parodies. Those are below, but so is this video from Amy Walker, who introduces herself in 21 regional accents.

We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:

Venture capitalist Paul Kedrosky went on CNBC's Squawk Box this morning to talk about "tech cyclicality," but ended up talking about NAND flash and listening to Jim Goldman and Joe Kernen talk about Apple and Google's up-and-down stock prices. The bit about flash was boring, but the stock talk was amusing. Have a look — buy, sell or hold?

CNET's supertelegenic Natali Del Conte got a Microsoft-sponsored visit from Entourage star Jeremy Piven to talk up Office Live Workspaces. But as Natali said in an email: "They don't use Workspaces. Microsoft just got them to say that they will. I don't understand why Microsoft would have such a non sequitur way to promote this product. The product is good. Why bother with this nonsense?"

Dawn Eden used to compose awesome headlines until she was fired by the New York Post (the Post!) for editing a story to reflect her ultra-orthodox Catholic views. Since then, she's bummed around as a relentlessly self-promoting punk-rock born-again virgin. But here's the thing about Dawn Eden: She's not married. Excuse me for sounding like my grandmother, but what good is a woman without a man? In women's self-help, having a husband proves the self-help is actually helpful since all women care about is getting married. Those Rules bitches were married, which gave credibility to said rules. Of course, that credibility was later undone when one of the authors divorced, but I digress. Yesterday on the Today Show, re-hymened Dawn Eden claimed that being a virgin (again) has taught her "how to make a gift of myself to others." Whatever. No ring, no authority. Video after the jump.

We've expressed some frustration that American Idol hasn't yet given us more to work with by way of controversies, but we're happy to say that today brings some solid progress in that department. For starters, we have official confirmation via AP report that dark horse contestant David Hernandez once made a living giving dark horsey rides:

Poor Hillary Clinton was on The Daily Show last night, live via satellite from Austin, Texas. The interview was long, and awkward, and generally bad television. As for the wisdom of appearing on a basic cable comedy program the night before one of the most important elections of her political career, Senator Clinton was self-deprecating: "it is pretty pathetic."

The Digg story "U.S. Soldier throws puppy off cliff" had, at last count, 5,527 votes. Digg commenters, never a demure crowd, aren't holding back their rage. One comment, itself voted for 540 times, reads "Wow. I hope he got shot in the face later that day." This video exposes something about the dehumanization of American troops in Iraq and Afghanistan that most of us don't want to think about. Here are five more videos that show just how far gone our troops are. A warning: These videos are explicit and — with the known correlation between violence toward animals and violence toward other humans in mind — savagely disheartening.

· Freckles. Cowboy. Skeletor. Sweetheart. Mergatroid Murgatroyd. Chachi. Oliver Twist. Hoss. Just a handful of the nicknames that Sawyer has called people on Lost over the years. [YouTube via Detroit News]
· We have no idea how they pulled this off, but 23/6 managed to get their paws on an "advance copy of the table of contents" of the Olsen Twins' new book, Influence. [23/6]
· Treehouse Of Horror: The Movie? Hank Azaria floats the idea of an anthology movie for the next Simpsons big screen adventure. [MTV Movies Blog]
· We always thought those Monster cables the goons at Best Buy always try to bully you into buying were ridiculously overpriced. That said, we always just kind of assumed that they must work. Turns out we were wrong about the second part. [Consumerist]
· The trailer for Once gets sweded. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

It's Oprah's Big Give fever! YOU get to give! And YOU get to give! EVeryBOdy GETS to GIVE! To start the ball rolling, we offer documented Mac-enthusiast Drew Barrymore, who made a donation of $1 million of her personal fortune to an organization that feeds Kenyan children, written out on a giant, Price Is Right-style check and presented on The Oprah Winfrey Show today. It was a gesture of such heartfelt magnanimity that none other than Drew's Charlie's Angels co-star and bestest friend Cameron Diaz (secret, mutual nickname: Poo) called in to congratulate her on the gesture. Lucy Liu, meanwhile, waited patiently on Line 2; unfortunately, time restraints never allowed her to publicly state that she too was all for Barrymore's decision to give $1 million to a very worthy cause.

Austin Visschedyk, Kid Pap: Name ring any bells? We devoted several electronic column inches to the juvenile paparazzi after he was profiled by the NY Times, one of a growing member of a new tween underclass toiling in the Hollywood trenches. Like Gary Busey's child-interviewer attack victim and the Chinese Theater Ewok drop-kicked by a very territorial Chewbacca, Vosschedyk knows from child-labor perils. Still, there's something deeply affecting about hearing his first-person account to TMZ's cameras of the time Matt Dillon not only refused his polite request for a picture, but told the flash-happy youngster to "get a life" after Vosschedyk innocently got a gang of his closest pap-buddies to trail the camera-shy Crash star.

Dr. Drew appeared on The View today to update the world on the status of his Celebrity Rehab patients (tally: one jailed, one Scientology convert, the rest currently missing). The hosts had a difficult time swallowing one point in particular, being why anyone would allow such a difficult and deeply private journey to play out for reality TV cameras. Could it be as simple of Joy Behar's blunt assessment that these personalities are most addicted to celebrity itself?

If you haven't yet seen the bizarre Jack Nicholson ad for the Hillary campaign, well, feast your eyes on the video above, sure to be studied as the ultimate example of celebrity endorsements gone wrong by generations of poli-sci majors enrolled in "Hillary '08: Sketches In Failure." In it, a variety of trademark Nicholson psychopaths mumble vaguely pro-Clinton lines of out-of-context dialogue. (Good thing, too, as the line pulled from A Few Good Men, Gawker point out, is followed by the very un-presidential rumination, "Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by.")

When Ellen Page strutted onto the stage of Studio 8H to deliver her monologue on this week's episode of SNL dressed like one of the Sweathogs, we didn't pay it much mind. With the benefit of hindsight (and after having seen this skit), maybe our eyebrows should have risen ever so slightly. But, at the time, we were too busy enjoying Andy Samberg's impression of Diablo Cody to wonder about the Ellen Page Sexuality Sweepstakes. While all you bloggers and froggers out there will likely concur that his Diablo didn't quite reach the level of the Diablo impersonator in the Funny Or Die video, we did love the calvacade of blog references that he managed to mix into his impression. The video, along with a complete list of all of the blog-related catchphrases in the making follows after the jump:

What, you hadn't heard of the series formerly known as Whorecraft? This has seriously been over every porn site I know for months. The fantasy-porn series WhoreLore is based on the online fantasy game World of Warcraft. WhoreLore is so bizarrely interesting (it plays like an unrated version of Xena) that the Village Voice interviewed the director and asked more than "hur hur, those nerds sure love their elf women, eh?" (Although it did say that sort of thing too.) Below, the technically safe-for-work trailer for WhoreLore, and one of the episodes ("Rogues Do It From Behind") with all the porn bits taken out.

Towards the very end of SNL, guest host Ellen Page veered from the show's regular template for a sketch virtually bereft of jokes—more of a 3-minute mini-play, really—in which she gushes to roommate Andy Samberg of the near religious experience that was a Melissa Etheridge concert. "There were so many athletic girls in tank tops...And then the Indigo Girls came out...And then Ellen DeGeneres came out and did this bit about being in the closet when she was young! And it was so true!" Asked by Samberg if she "went gay," the reluctant-to-be-labeled character responds, "I just feel like an oil lamp that's never been lit. Why can't I just hug a woman with my legs in friendship?"