Martha Stewart offered recession-time grocery shopping tips today, demonstrating how even small changes to one's routine—say, laying off a couple gardeners or only consuming local foie gras—can have a huge effect on the bottom line.

It's not just angry rightwingers who mix up "Obama" and "Osama." Yahoo News has joined CNN and the Associated Press in confusing the most powerful man in the world with his terrorist enemy.

Bob Schaffer is a former member of the US House of Representatives, and he was a Republican candidate for the US Senate in 2008. Now he is selling margarita mix on the local news.

Japan's finance minister resigned over this video of him sleeping and slurring at a G-7 meeting in Rome. If he was drunk, he wouldn't be the first to buckle under economic stress.

Sarah Palin has famously opposed sex-ed programs other than "abstinence education." Funny, then, that daughter Bristol was on Fox News tonight saying abstinence is "not realistic at all."

[via NeatoRama]

We feel your pain, hysterical Cathay Pacific passenger lady. In a way, everyone, somewhere inside, has missed a Hong Kong to San Francisco flight, and felt like staging an impromptu Chinese opera.

Last night's waste-of-Alec-Baldwin Saturday Night Live was a sour little mess. But, in the interest of focusing on the positive, the three best sketches are after the jump.

Happy V-Day, dicklickers. Obviously I'm working today and obviously you're on the internet. So boo-hoo for both of us. If you're staying in tonight like me, but want some sexy-time, here are movie suggestions.

· Run, Clive, run! [The View]

Somehow we knew Alec Baldwin would come for you first, Joaquin Phoenix. The actor seems as hostile to strung-out hippies as his 30 Rock alter ego Jack Donaghy.

A Continental Express flight from Newark crashed into a home in the suburbs near its destination of Buffalo. All 48 people on the plane were killed, plus one on the ground.

We've already shared with you Joaquin Phoenix's flea-ridden performance art; now, onto the next chapter of Two Lovers' doomed PR assault, in which Gwyneth "Fuck the Haters!" Paltrow describes for Oprah her dieting regime.

In case you were worried that American Idol had somehow lost its dehumanizing edge over eight seasons, and that there was perhaps some small chance that its castaways won't end up on Celebrity Rehab—fret not.

Gay-marriage-hating ex-eBay CEO Meg Whitman is running for governor of California. First stop, the Today Show, where she talked about jobs, jobs, jobs.

Here's Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman later tonight, either stoned out of his mind or just medically catatonic (or both). Letterman makes several heroic efforts to politely prompt Phoenix before ruthlessly mocking him.

Produced by American Idol peddlers FremantleMedia and purchased by an exec at Fox we can only imagine no longer has a job, Osbournes Reloaded first came to attention for refusing to hire WGA writers—a cynical, cost-cutting decision that elicited an angry letter from Guild heads Patric Verrone and Michael Winship.

Out of fairness to Quentin, Harv, and the whole Basterds gang working so hard to bring you all the Nazi-scalping excellence you deserve, we bring you now the official HD Basterds trailer.

Look, we'll be the first to say we love a good Jews Fight Back movie.