As the advance text indicated, the president's speech tonight was truly pathetic, an uninspired attempt redeem his record with old cliches. And that's how Bush will some day make us stop hating him.

Fortunately, it appears everyone on board escaped the US Airways plane before it sank into the Hudson River. In the survivors' first interviews, they tell their harrowing tales.

Part two of American Idol's premiere moved the circus to Kansas City, keeping frequent contestant tackle-dummy Ryan Seacrest far from the threat of any icky bikini girl-germs.

A very not-mercury-poisoned-looking Jeremy Piven, who quit his high-profile Broadway show Speed-the-Plow using the old too much sushi excuse, managed to drag himself out of bed at dawn to go on Good Morning America today. Feh.

There's a reason why CNBC viewers get shortchanged on their tech coverage: Jim Goldman, the network's Silicon Valley bureau chief, is not very tall. It's the kind of thing polite people don't talk about here.

After telling CNBC viewers for weeks that Steve Jobs is "fine," the network's Silicon Valley bureau chief Jim Goldman tried a novel experiment in journalism: Talking to a source who wasn't an Apple flack.

It's with heavy heart that we pass along news of Ricardo Montalbán's passing today, announced at a City Council meeting by president Eric Garcetti. He was 88.

American Idol will come under scrutiny in the weeks to come, as one former, batty contestant—that sweet crazy-candy that gets viewers hooked from the start—tragically took her own life outside Paula's home during Hollywood Week.

The internet took over House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's office, and her Youtube account, and the video evidence (cats! everywhere!) will shock you.

How much grinding is too much grinding for a high school dance? Let Brandon and Logan, two strapping young lads featured on reality show The Principal's Office, show you.

Tuesday's Inauguration of Barack Obama is all anyone's excited about these days. Today a super-excited school choir, from a down-on-its-luck corner of the country, learned that they get to perform during the festivities.

American Idol returned last night. Did you do your civic duty and watch it? If you did, you probably thought the same thing I did: Good lord but that new judge is annoying.

Though David Duchovny's publicist surely slapped a "no sex addiction questions" proviso on his public appearances, it's a hard subject to avoid when the show he's promoting is about, y'know, having sex a lot.

After his chat tonight with Bill O'Reilly, Christopher Hitchens asked for a second date: "We've barely got our trousers off," he said. The hawkish former Trotskyite had certainly pushed O'Reilly's buttons.

· Funny — from the way Ann Coulter makes it sound, you'd think she thought her latest work's comparisons to Mein Kampf are accidental.

Great news! Damon Weaver got press credentials for the inauguration! Yes!

This morning on Today's fourth hour, Kathie Lee Gifford found a new way to get a dig in at her co-host Hoda Kotb: playing the video clip we posted Friday documenting Hoda's on-air drinking habit.

Mickey Rourke got the finger, Kate Winslet dissed Angelina Jolie and Tracy Morgan proclaimed himself the new face of America. Everyone was especially coarse and punchy.

Those anonymous internet critics Tina Fey told to "suck it" in her Golden Globe acceptance speech tonight are actual posters on the LA Times' Envelope awards site. And mean!

Are you happy now, Mary Hart? After Anne Hathaway was bashed by the ET anchor for the cardinal sin of knowing things, Hathaway popped up on Kimmel to crack some decidedly more lowbrow jokes.