Click to viewThe Insane True Story Behind the Birth of the Internet, by Those Aren't Muskets. Because clearly, the best way to satirize the vapid faddishness of Internet culture is for a group of white men to create an online sketch comedy video. (Via Laughing Squid)

· So this little exchange between Lily Allen and Sir Elton John at the GQ Awards is certainly one for the ages. Team...um...Sting? [TMZ] · A People reporter is suing Splash for the Heath Ledger-doing-blow-at-Chateau Marmont video that surfaced after his death, claiming "intrusion of privacy," but an LA Superior Court judge has dismissed 11 of the 12 claims. [ABC News] · Knowing David Duchovny is the voice of this dachshund wanting you to rub its belly makes us worried that this dachshund may actually be addicted to random belly-rubbing from total strangers. [Videogum] · Speaking of sex addiction, at last—all your naughty celebrities-on-a-telephone desires can be satisfied. [celebrities and telephones] · And to end on a hopeful note, Debi Mazar is totally kosher with Bristol Palin's teen pregnancy. She was the product of a teen pregnancy herself! [E Online]

When we think of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, we picture a family-friendly forum where Republican candidates can come to read funny headlines out loud and maybe, finally, meet a real-life black musician. Lately, though, our G-rated suppositions have gone to hell as the lame-duck Leno has regaled the audience with stories about his interest in an underage Jessica Biel and his auto-erotic fantasies involving actress Scarlett Johansson. Into a more ribald chat show, then, does cheeky VMAs host Russell Brand walk — and boy, does he make the most of it:As he sits on the couch next to guest Eva Longoria Parker, a misheard reference to PETA sends the comedian on a tangent that splashes the audience with sexual offers they've likely never contemplated before bedtime. Bold talk when delivered to a Desperate Housewife, Russell, but we're reserving your comedy credibility until you introduce Miley Cyrus to the concept of a Dutch Oven during this weekend's VMAs.

The attempt by the McCain campaign to deflect criticism of their insane choice of running mate by assailing the media is already ridiculous. Steve Schmidt whined to Howard Kurtz about hypothetical questions asked by journalists that have not resulted in stories printed anywhere. They boycotted Larry King because Campbell Brown dared ask mean questions of Tucker Bounds. Now their surrogates are grasping at the most sublimely ridiculous straw of all: when asked by Chris Matthews to name the major media outlets engaged in character assassination of Sarah Palin, adorable Florida Congressman Adam Putnam named Us Weekly. Us Weekly! Yes we did just reveal their radical secret agenda today but still, this is the best you can do? Chris Matthews then calls it "the U. S. Weekly." Now the McCain campaign will boycott magazines, probably.

Despite what you read in the fishwraps, working from home for a gossip blog doesn't mean that you get to live like a slob. Quite the opposite, in fact, if you ask Defamer's resident glamourpuss/videographer Molly McAleer. As she attests in tonight's installment of Defamer To Do's, living in today's ultra-competitive world means that you have got to stay on point if you want to remain on top. Yes, that means wearing makeup and stunning dresses at all times — even when you're scrubbing toilets — so you can be ready to jet off at a moment's notice. If you spend the next few minutes with Molly, you'll not only learn what's going on in LA tonight, but you'll also be able to empathize with what it means to be a woman in what undoubtedly is a man's, man's world. Enjoy...· Bob Dylan @ Santa Monica Civic Center. · Three 6 Mafia @ House Of Blues. · Maude Night @ UCB.

Here it is: The trailer for Milk, Gus Van Sant's retelling of the swift rise and violent and untimely fall of America's first openly gay elected official, set against a backdrop of the swinging San Francisco of the late '70s. Everything here seems note-perfect, from Sean Penn's Horshackian (with base notes of I Am Sam) vocal inflections, to the meticulously executed period gayfros, to the Anita Bryant file footage (here's some more of Bryant getting a banana cream pie in the face; ah—that never gets old), to the portentous-but-not-too-portentous tagline: "His life changed history. His courage changed lives." You thought a pair of lovelorn cowboys shot in silhouette were enough to nudge the Oscar envelope? Just wait until Sean Penn's Best Actor clip—featuring the actor entwined in James Franco's naked folds and delivering a stirring monologue on answering one's higher calling—shows the Academy how one really gays their way to the gold.

At last, in one convenient clip, three of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's most embarrassing on-tape moments! There's her laughing in agreement as a political opponent and cancer survivor is called a bitch (and a cancer!)! There's newscaster Sarah Palin reporting on LOTS OF DOGS! And there's Sarah Palin of a couple months ago wondering what the fuck the Vice President does. Ha ha silly Sarah Palin, they run the shadow government!

At long last we get an unobstructed view of Zack and Miri Make A Porno, Kevin Smith's little, "Hey—Let's Put on a Donkey Show and Save the Community Center!" comedy, with this redband trailer. We were hooked quite early into the proceedings, with Justin Long's cameo as an adult male video star. (Come to think of it, the Mac guy has the perfect name to adorn a Falcon DVD sleeve.) Landing upon the perfect theme—Star Whores (maybe chief LucasArts licenser Howard Roffman could lend them a few creamy-skinned boys from his stable)—Zack, the lovely Elizabeth "Miri" Banks, and friends go upon the business of making if not the greatest porn of all time, at least the greatest erotic home video to incorporate the use of magical queef bubbles. Enjoy the filth!

Perhaps you've heard, but a little show called 90210 premiered last night on the CW (to record ratings) and nobody is happier about it than lead actress Shenae Grimes, the smilingest girl who ever smiled. Though she's ostensibly playing the show's Brenda Walsh archetype, Grimes eschewed Shannen Doherty's near-goth hauteur to deliver two hours of the biggest, widest, most non-stop smiling since Denise Richards grinned her way through Starship Troopers. With the help of videographer Molly McAleer, we've assembled a montage of Grimes compulsively flashing those pearly whites; whether she's flirting with the school bad boy, bantering with a terrifyingly well-preserved Lori Loughlin, or wondering, "Gee, doesn't this high school seem like it came out of a generic Anytown, USA rather than a truly decadent Beverly Hills," Grimes simply can't stop beaming. Shenae, we're sorry — but like bad-girl blogger Silver, we're simply speaking the truth. Don't worry, we're still BFF's. Catch you at The Pit? [The CW]

After this press conference to announce Google's new Web browser, Chrome, Google cofounder Sergey Brin asked BoomTown's Kara Swisher if she'd try it out. "But you don't have a Mac version, baby, so no," Swisher tells him in this clip, excerpted from Swisher's longer interview. "I know, I know, it's embarrassing," says Brin. "When is that coming out?" Swisher asks. Brin, perhaps regretting taking questions from such a mean lesbian, looks over his shoulder for PR help. He says: "Um, I don't have a date for you. I'm going to have to get back to you. I'm asking every day. I hope it'll be a matter of months."

For months, the rumor mill has been buzzing that Whitney Port of The Hills (she of the goofy mugging and relatively drama-free lifestyle) would be receiving her own, New York-set MTV spinoff. Last night's Hills episode, then, seemed in many cases like a trial run for that series, as fearsome People's Revolution flack Kelly Cutrone sent Whitney to the Big Apple to do some model castings, eventually manipulating the gangly blonde into a date with a shaggy-haired hunk. Does Whitney have what it takes to assume center stage, or is she forever destined to play curious second fiddle to the mothership series' Lauren Conrad? Remarkably (and with the help of videographer Molly McAleer), we were able to get our hands on a classified notes session smuggled from deep inside the bowels of MTV, and the candid reactions from execs Sheryl Rather-Wexler and Kip Finkelberg Jr. may shed some new light on Whitney's primetime viability. Godspeed, girl. [MTV]

Finally, it's come to this: McCain is pulling out of an interview with professional softballer Larry King, because King's CNN peer Campbell Brown accidentally asked McCain proxy Tucker Bounds some tough questions about Sarah Palin's readiness to be commander in chief. (As we said before! The media forgives everything besides violating your own narrative!) This will teach Larry to keep everyone else at the network in line! Here are some of the many many lies John McCain's increasingly whiny campaign is accusing the liberal media of spreading: First of all, every single word of today's Elisabeth Bumiller story on Sarah Palin. All of it is FICTION, they say! Like that thing about how she was a member of that secessionist party because she attended their conference and her husband was a member of their party until be became an "independent" in the '90s? That is false because Palin has been a registered Republican since 1984. More:

Wonkette tipped us off to this ABC Money Trail segment about a lavish party thrown at the Republican Convention by lobbyist Glenn LeMunyon, an ex aide to mammoth Texas corruptophile Tom DeLay, despite pleas from Party leaders that they stop flaunting all that ill-gotten defense contract wealth while that Humongous Hurricane was about to destroy New Orleans all over again (well, be downgraded to a tropical storm.) We don't really get what's worth covering your face with a ridiculous pink feather boa here. (Ha ha, but that's about :49 in.) Were they supposed to throw out perfectly good boas? It's clear they only went because the band playing was called Hookers & Blow, which is about as great a name for a cover band as one could ask, and to that end, shouldn't we commend the GOP here for, as long as their impulsive nominee just passed up dozens of relatively sober possible running mates for a wholly unvetted animal-skinning secessionist, for at least putting on a party that looks kind of almost fun? The Democrats had to suffer Kanye for Chrissakes.

Now please don't worry about any PC nonsense. I checked with the Council of Elders and everything's cool. So, Jews! Jewish characters, actors, actresses-anything goes! So long as it's funny or moving or even just plain controversial. And note, I'm going with my first pick because the character is clearly such a Jew, not because the actor is, but do feel free to use any reasoning you like when choosing your clips.

Today has been rather grim. Everything in the news is politics and disaster. And the last weekend of the summer is supposed to be fun! So, here is the broadest One More Thing theme ever: Funny. Just post funny things from movies-any movie from anytime ever. Please, please, please let's crack each other up and forget about all the tedious and ominous crap for a while? I will start us off.

· Defamer Decides 2008 followed the DNC travails of Anne Hathaway, Charlize Theron, Steven Spielberg, and poker-playing Ben Affleck. · Jon Cryer, though? Not so much. He'll get back to us about that. · Viggo Mortensen and Kate Winslet were the prom king and queen of early Oscar hype. · Our 90210 anticipation runneth over. And over. And over. · Molls paid a visit to Sunset Junction. So did Kirsten and Justin. · Just so it's clear, Tom Cruise is not on the hook for Valkyrie's injured Nazi extras. · Fitness goddess Jane Fonda saved us from the leotarded specter of Heidi Montag. · To which the bank-bound, White House-minded Heidi naturally replied, "Who's Jane Fonda?" · Steve Coogan and Rainn Wilson dared to voyage to the bottom of the summer box-office. · American Idol added a fourth judge to break those occasional ties that occur when Paula falls asleep. · Nikki Finke said MGM's for sale. Sharon Waxman denied it. It's on! · Righteous Kill was a minimum of five poster tweaks away from us even thinking about watching it. · Webphobe Aaron Sorkin momentously joined Facebook. · Smackenzie Phillips and Andy Dick found dignity behind bars. · And finally, Don Draper's feed followers have almost doubled in the four days since Mad Men TwitterGate. We're just saying.

· Nothing makes Olympic champion gymnast Shawn Johnson's taco pop like the zingy taste of Ortega salsa. Beat that, bro! [YouTube] · We'd like to introduce you now to Pixie Leah and Darth Wicket, who are both on the losing end of an intergalactic battle to retain their dignity. [YouTube] · We're concerned. Not only does Sarah Palin have limited governing experience, but she used to have come dribbles running down the side of her mouth! Just a heartbeat from the presidency, folks. [Perez Hilton] · The Peach Pit lives! [Eater LA] · And finally, some bittersweet news. Vulture editor Dan Kois is heading off into the sunset, and we'll no longer have regular and easy access to awesomeness like this. Farewell, Dan! You'll be missed. [Vulture]

As we wind down this half-day of posting before your Labor Day weekend—summer, she's nearly gone!—we thought we'd pack a little picnic basket for your beach retreats. Can you guess what the main course is? Of course you can! A delicious Dirt Sandwich, lovingly prepared by Defamer video lunchlady Molly McAleer ("One Jell-O per student, buster!"), and full of all the things you love: Mystery plastic surgery mummies! Celebrity sex clubs! American Idol judges in airborne vehicles frequently associated with fiery, accidental deaths! Just promise us you won't go in the water until a good half-hour after consuming. [Watch Video]

· After Al Roker does lines all night, he's primed to give you the best lube job of your life. [Today] · PhelpsWatch: Add an Entourage cameo to his SNL hosting gig. We're thinking possible Lloyd love interest, but we don't want to get our hopes up. [Us] · Half of the 59 rape charges against Anand Jon have been dropped. [Waxword] · Here's just a tiny glimpse of the massive gold Kate Moss sculpture—the largest "since ancient Egypt"—soon to go on display at the British Museum. Quick! Where's that giant Studio 54 coke spoon? [CNN.com] · Sexy People: A Celebration of the Perfect Portrait is our current favorite time-killer. Check out the cousins. [Sexy People] · POW! Right in the kisser. Do you have a celebrity shiner fetish? Well here's some porn. [Holy Taco]

Ow, stop! The candidate's awkward, reading-my-lines intro clip. The front and center posts by a guy whose icon reads "STR8T." His angry typo, "Will Obama ascend from the heavens and bless us all?" Just when we'd forgotten about McCainSpace, they went and revamped it. The effort would've been better spent on more YouTube clips, the one place on the Internet where the White Tornado is beating Barack. Here's McCain's awkward video hello, and a sampler of the senator's supporter-generated videos:Click to view Click to view Click to view Click to view