Larry Ellison threw a fantastic tantrum against the mindless cult of "Cloud Computing," a fascination of "nitwit" Silicon Valley investors, as Ellison calls them. But the Oracle CEO was himself once a "nitwit." Just look:

Combine two dashes of the Huffington Post's culty, medicine-fearing "Living" section and one dash of Fox News' craziest host, and you've got Love in the Time of Swine Flu. Not even Dr. Dean Ornish could stop these paranoid fellow-travelers.

"There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine." This sentence was uttered by Tucker Max, in response to a question from Carson Daly last night. Again: Tucker Max, Carson Daly, unapologetic masculinity. That is all.

"DVD" Jon Lohansen has been tweaking Apple for years. After breaking the encryption on DVDs, he went on to unscramble Apple's music store files, then its wi-fi media streaming, then virtual locks within the iPhone. Now he's got his own company, doubleTwist, whose mission is to connect non-Apple devices to your iTunes library — the same sort of trick the Apple-baiters over at Palm recently tried and then apparently gave up on.

Seriously, we cannot actually imagine watching this and cheering on the shrieking old white man. Even if we agreed that ACORN was a terrible criminal organization bent on helping all the prostitutes in the world fill out their taxes while registering illegal immigrant cartoon characters to vote, we would still be incredibly uncomfortable watching Tim Jones scream at a couple fucking kids (one of whom he definitely calls "boy" in his charming Boston accent) and their mother.

Here is a video of various popular television news show hosts and elected officials—well, Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann (R-MN)—explaining that the census was part of a plot to round up patriotic Americans and place them in internment camps.

Well well well! We liberals have caught Bill O'Reilly in another of his hypocritical lies! That conservative blowhard can't get away with announcing his... support of a government-backed public insurance option?

Denmark's tourist board has taken an interesting approach: A viral internet campaign implies the country is full of hot, single blond women eager to get knocked up by anonymous foreigners. There's been something of a backlash, back home.

Carol Bartz's CNBC appearance today was great P.R. — sharp and personable instead of defensive and sweary — but couldn't be good for morale back at the office. The Yahoo CEO kept talking about Yahoo fuckups.

"I probably need to gain about 30 pounds," Steve Jobs told the New York Times after his return to public life yesterday. Might as well concede the obvious if investors are looking for unexpected physical weakness.

Boing Boing came across this recent video of Franken drawing all 48 states (of the continental U.S., geography nerds) from memory at the Minnesota State Fair, and ever the paranoid types, wondered if Franken is faking it: "it would be easy to create indented trace-lines by using a pen with no cartridge in advance." Doubtful given how long and how often Franken's been doing this trick.

Not to step on Brian's toes — full Top Chef recap is coming — but it was not a good night for Googlers. If you click this, you do not get to complain about spoilers.

The Scientologists had their henchmen remove that scary jargon video. But we captured it.

There is so little "real news," in August. So you can create your own conspiratorial mythology, like Glenn Beck, or you can just turn literally everything you say into a "that's what she said" joke, like everyone else on TV.

It is hard to respond intelligently to the death of someone as complicated and accomplished as Ted Kennedy. Unless you're a regular on cable news. Then you just talk about yourself.

Why does Jonathan Capehart let people treat him this way? The dashing Washington Post editorial writer wore Prada pants to MSNBC today and it was the funniest thing Joe Scarborough had ever seen.

Scientology's quest to perfect humanity never rests, not even on the weekend. Which is why this member of the cult's elite "Sea Org" spent his Saturday yelling at an infidel about his inevitable and pathetic death.

Wonderful. Corrupt criminal America-hating dirtbag crazy liar Tom DeLay is making gay jokes with Chris Matthews on the TV, because of his upcoming appearance on a competitive ballroom dancing show. (Who knew Newt's reemergence would end up being less offensive?)

Studio B With Shepar Smith's new HD weather graphics? They do not really seem completely finished, maybe. But still, Fox is 200% more high-def than all the other cable news networks! Plus!

CSPAN has assembled an adorable package of the Washington, DC TV pundit gerontocracy trying to come to terms with The Twitter; naturally we've reduced this to only the most embarrassing bits.