That familiar feeling is washing over us all again. It's the same feeling that we get at the end of each and every work week. You know what we're talking about. Your brain is tired, your stomach is empty and you're ready for it just to be the weekend already. Well, before you head home to tip back a few root beers, make sure you get a good base going by grabbing hold of this week's Dirt Sandwich with two hands and tearing into it with reckless abandon. Nothing gets the weekend started like Molly McAleer's exquisitely crafted, open-faced look at the wonderous world of celebrity infotainment program. From Christian Bale's arrest for assault to James Blunt's orgy off the isle of Ibiza, you can bet that all of your cravings will be (at least temporarily) satisfied once you let the glory of the Dirt Sandwich wash over you. Enjoy!

Flash back with us for a moment to the halcyon days of 1987. Rick Astley was tearing up the charts, 3 Men And A Baby raked in nearly $170 million at the box office and all the cool kids were wearing Generra Hypercolor shirts. You know, those shirts that promised to change into all colors of the rainbow but really just ended up embarrassing you because they only changed color around your sweaty armpits? Well, as the ole cliché goes, everything old is new again. Apparently, Dov Charney has brought Hypercolor to a brand new generation of hipsters, and Molls and Alexis Hyde are fully on-board with the new/old trend. Watch them model the shirts in this evening's To Do video and find out whether the Hypercolor technology has made any significant leaps and bounds in the 20+ years since your Uncle Grambo wore them during junior high. All this, along with this weeked's To Do's, appear after the jump.FRIDAY · Diana Ross at the Hollywood Bowl. · Wyclef at the House of Blues. · Letters to Kobe at the Westside Eclectic Theater. SATURDAY · Jazz Fest at the Dunbar Hotel. · Jazz Fest at The Greek Theater. · Less Than Jake at the Wiltern. SUNDAY · Gnarls Barkley at the Hollywood Bowl. · Modular Pool Party at the Standard Downtown. · Sunday Bloody Mary Sunday at UCB.

Knowing — as did his audience — that he was dying of cancer, Carnegie Mellon computer science prof Randy Pausch gave a famous lecture last year called "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams." Pausch succumbed to pancreatic cancer this morning. Full lecture — don't miss the part where he does pushups — below.

We didn't actually think she had it in her, but the world's most rapidly maturing 15-year old, Miley Cyrus, is behaving like, well, a 15-year old for once. Just as reports surfaced that her rival in tween porn and Disney affection Selena Gomez may be dating Cyrus' ex-boyfriend, we learn that the Battle Of The Tweens has been going on far longer than we thought. About a month ago, the wet t-shirt contestant decided to team up with her BFF and film a YouTube video mocking Selena and her partner in underage midriff-baring crime, Demi Lovato. Have we lost you? Not to worry! The only two things you really need to know before watching this oddly hilarious clip are: we're slightly worried Miley has found her daddy's liquor cabinet, and Demi Lovato is the next Demi Moore.The NY Daily News is reporting that Gomez, the sultry-ish star of The Wizards Of Waverly Place, has been dating yet another 15-year old, singer Nick Jonas. As many of you may know (however embarrassing it is to admit), Jonas is the rumored intended recipient of most of Cyrus' kissy-face iPhone photos and pouty shower shots that hit the Internets recently. While Jonas is admittedly cute in an adolescent John Mayer sort of way, we don't see why a break-up with the kid should prompt Miley into such bitter antics. Making fun of Gomez and her alarmingly sexy best friend / fellow Disney star Demi Lovato in this clip, Cyrus drops some low-blows about the gap in Lovato's teeth (one that has since been fixed) and the fact that Lovato wears a touch of black make-up (and looks just fine in it). However, the attack seems to be backfiringl, mainly because Miley — who frequently succumbs to giggle attacks and slurring throughout the vid — made her rep as the good girl next door and not as a conniving backstabber (or, for that matter, as an burgeoning anti-Semite with her use of the word "scheisty"). Fasten your seatbelts, it looks like we have another Lohan vs. Duff feud brewing as we type.

Maybe Facebook's hackathon wasn't an all-nighter like founder Mark Zuckerberg prefers, but that didn't stop Facebook hotties Brandee Barker, Caitlin O'Farrell, Kathleen Loughlin and Raquel DiSabatino from enjoying themselves on stage with Thievery Corporation. Apparently, the crowd enjoyed them on stage too. "So awesome," commented Facebook's Dave Morin, despite being very taken by Google's Brittany Bohnet. Here's what we want to know about the video: Where's Sheryl Sandberg? What, mama don't dance no more? We hear her team insisted she wear jeans to the event, a fashion move the buttoned-up Sandberg almost never makes. But dancing must have been a step too far.

All ads suck! Unless they involve hidden camera pranks that hilariously mock average people through the use of monetary technicalities. OfficeMax is advertising some cheapo back-to-school sale with an ad campaign consisting of a guy going around New York and paying for all types of things with pennies-and his escapades are all caught on tape! Despite our annoying "too-cool-for-school Brooklyn hipster" pose around here, we have to admit this is the funniest ad campaign we've seen since Gary Busey started giving out free advice. Still, don't shop at OfficeMax or else you're a total pawn of the machine. Click through to see two of the spots: dude attempts to buy deli food with pennies, and dude attempts to buy used car with pennies. Chuckle at the rage of the working class!:

Have you been searching for just the right way to commemorate the 9/11 disaster? Are kitschy figurines and patriotic truck decals and screaming eagle t-shirts just not doing it for you? The solution has arrived: genuine non-circulated Liberian currency in the shape of a $20 bill—but made out of .999 pure silver, and picturing the once-mighty Twin Towers, and bearing a "9" and and "11" on one side which cleverly add up to $20, which is also the price of this unique and patriotic (USA) item. Here is an ad for this treasure that will simply make you say "wtf." Click to watch right now.

Here's Rex Sorgatz's video of various people reading from the de-Harvardized copy of tortured soul Keith Gessen's All The Sad Young Literary Men. It was shot largely in the Gawker offices! And it involves such noted internet personalities as Andrew Krucoff, Choire Sicha, Julia Allison, Alex Pareene, Rachel Sklar — the d-list goes on and on. You'll either find it entertaining and funny (I did!) or feel like you need a decoder ring. A cheat sheet to the best moments is after the jump, if you want all the surprises spoiled, along with an update on the status of the modified All The Sad Young Literary Men, now an official literary hot potato.

· You might catch this cherished-Breakfast Club-memory-despoiling ad for JCPenney before PG and PG-13 rated movies this weekend. Yes, you too can look like you just raided Barry Manilow's wardrobe! [creativity-online]
· Russell Brand was asked to host the MTV Video Music Awards in September, instantly elevating him to household who-the-fuck-is-that? status. [AP]
· Congratulations Marissa Jaret Winokur on giving birth to your first child, Zev Isaac Miller. (Which according to our Jew/Goy dictionary translates literally as "Levi Alves McConaughey.") [People]
· Here's video of Christian Bale telling a reporter to mind his own business. The transcript really didn't do it justice: He can even turn a simple "no comment" into a deeply involving, multi-act affair. [ETOnline]
· Why Never to Believe a Publicist, Chapter MMMDCCCXC: That little Kelsey Grammer chest-hiccup? His heart stopped completely: "They had to blast me twice and get me started all over again." [NY Times]

Any David Lynch fan worth his/her salt will know that the only thing that he likes more than collaborating with Angelo Badalamenti is drinking coffee. (Smoking American Spirits is a close third). And as any David Lynch fan also probably knows, David Lynch launched his very own line of organic coffee a few years back. What does this have to do with the price of tea in China, you ask? Well, anyone who has spent some time on DavidLynch.com knows that as talented as he is behind the camera, he hasn't quite mastered e-commerce yet (for example, the "buy" link on his site is not functional). All of which is a long-winded way of letting you know that if you've always wanted to try his signature coffee line, it's now available at the (generally) reliable Amazon.com. And if you get Amazon GC's sent your way as much as we do, well, this news oughta be sweeter to you than the cherry pie at the Double-R. [Amazon.com, vid via YouTube]

If you can stand it, it's worth watching a particular excerpt from CNBC's interview with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg twice. First watch the version CNBC put on the air, embedded above. In that clip, Zuckerberg answers a question sounding sure of himself, speaking in clear, declarative sentences, and smoothly using his talking points, not just rattling them off. Compare it to the clip below of Zuckerberg answering the same question in an unedited version of the interview CNBC reporter Julia Boorstin embedded on her blog. The difference shows CNBC editors' talents — and just how far Zuckerberg has to go before it's safe to put a microphone near him. It all goes downhill after Zuckerberg begins to answer a straightforward softball from Boorstin — "What is the new site design and what does it mean for the user experience?" — by saying, "So for those of you who don't know, I, we just announced, um and launched, started rolling a new site design."

While most of the punditocracy is demanding that Sid Ganis engrave Heath Ledger's name on the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor before the month of July comes to a close, the notoriously contrarian ESPN talking head Skip Bayless isn't quite convinced. During today's episode of their afternoon gabfest 1st And 10, Bayless got into a heated argument with the equally opinionated (read: full of shit) mouthpiece Stephen A. Smith about whether or not The Dark Knight was better than Tim Burton's Batman. As these conversations generally go, the topic of conversation quickly switched to Heath Ledger's universally lauded performance as The Joker. That is to say, universally lauded by everyone but Skip Bayless.

On the surface, the life of the average paparazzo seems almost impossibly glamorous and adventuresome—spent loitering outside one of L.A.'s many ultra-exclusive social establishments, or ducking sniper fire on the branch of an electrified fig tree trying to capture a Chosen Twins double-breast-feeding session. But there are several things we felt you should know before dropping your lucrative dermatology practice to follow your dreams of running away with the pap circus; Defamer videorobics instructor Molly McAleer has generously compiled them all here for you here, along with A/V supporting evidence. Just watch it. That's all we're saying. And keep one eye on that Cash Warren character. Getting Jessica Alba pregnant isn't his only trick shot.

We'll admit to not having yet fully absorbed yesterday's news that Estelle Getty had shuffled off this mortal coil to the 1912-Sicily-in-the-sky. Stalled as we are in the early, "Why couldn't it have been someone from Empty Nest?!"-stages of the Kübler-Ross model, we hand you over now to YouTube video diarist fromthe60s. His lachrymal remembrance of "one of the funniest people I ever got to see on TV" is surely the most moving—if not the moistest—user-generated-video testimonial since Leave Britney Alone Guy beseeched us to leave Britney alone. We swear, without the courageousness of Young Gays Who Feel Too Much, there'd be literally nothing to do all day at the office besides work.

Luckily we had the Shirley MacLaine/Elisabeth Hasselbeck Radionics Smackdown to distract us from the true dark cloud hanging over The View's studios yesterday. Namely, the release of a new Sherri Shepherd interview in Born Again Diva Illustrated, in which she talked openly about her rough past of crack-addicted sisters, abusive boyfriends, promiscuous activity, and—most troubling of all—"more abortions than I'd like to count." On the show today, Shepherd acknowledged that she had admitted to having had "a lot of abortions." It was an announcement that landed with a thud, rendering even Joy Behar unable to produce an appropriate wisecrack ("Oh, honey—talk about Living Lohan!" Audience laughter...applause...) to lighten the somber mood.

· Rainn Wilson fulfilled a lifelong fantasy Friday, and reported the weather on CNN. It's about as thrilling as it sounds. [CNN via BWE.tv]
· Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has been hanging around WeHo while he recovers from knee surgery, apparently with Scary Spice's legs on loan until he's back in tip-top shape. [Just Jared]
· Michael Bay isn't trying to reinvent the kickass Transformers teaser wheel here, folks: Get your "Even Gianter Fucking Robots Are Coming" Transformers 2 T-shirts while they're hot! [Slashfilm]
· Here's how to hack a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic house band with terrible Usher music, to much YouTube acclaim. [detnews.com]
· Good news, lesbians! You can keep calling yourselves that. [BBC]
· We'd hate to leave you without photos of adult-contempo cretin James Blunt partying on some boat with Coachella casualty Gary Dourdan and a bunch of randy birds. [Daily Mail]

We would be lying to you if we said we knew exactly what the underlying theme of tonight's To Do video by Molls is. Suffice to say, our best description goes as such: imagine a Lynchian fever dream by way of shock music video director Chris Cunningham, only instead of featuring an army of Aphex Twin faced malevolent spirits coming at you, there's a kaleidoscopic series of Molly McAleers spinning round the frame to the beat of Girl Talk. In other words, it's crazed. Enjoy!

Manhattan's Philip Smith, who is both an old and a rich, filed for divorce from his 25-years-younger wife Tricia Walsh-Smith, citing cruel and inhuman treatment. Smith told Walsh-Smith he would not pay her more than a prenuptial agreement had stipulated. Then Walsh-Smith went crazy and posted a video to YouTube, in which she claims Smith never had sex with despite hoarding stashes of Viagra, condoms and porn. My favorite part: When she gets Smith's assistant on the line and asks her what to do with it all. Poor bug-eyed crazy lady. The video, embedded below, got plenty of attention — about 3 million views — but in the end, hurt Walsh-Smith more than it helped. Calling her video "a calculated and callous campaign to embarrass and humiliate her husband," a judge yesterday gave Walsh-Smith 30 days to leave the former couple's Park Avenue apartment. The video:

Today, friends, is one that brings us deep concern for the ladies of The View. First, we learned that outspoken pro-life activist Sherri Shepherd "had more abortions than I would like to count." (How many, we wonder, would she have had no problem with counting?) Then came this uncomfortable exchange between veteran nutjob Shirley MacLaine—who, let's face it, hasn't been playing with a full Mah Jong set since somewhere around the Hoover administration—and Elisabeth Hasselbeck:

In light of his recent assault troubles (which, incidentally, he denies), our lovely video folks have put together a little compilation of Christian Bale at his most raging. Of course there's the infamous offing of Jared Leto in American Psycho oh and look! There he is as Batman, wailing on Heath Ledger's serpentine Joker. Click through to watch the (NSFW, probs) video, plus get a little bonus from me.