Night sweats? Crippling depression? Physical incapacitation? Yes, you're probably experiencing Celebrity Rehab withdrawal systems. To help ween you off the sweet high of a season spent freebasing Dr. Drew and his ragtag gang of Pasadena Recovery Center misfits, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer brings you outtakes from today's Very Special Tyra™, an episode devoted entirely to the behaviors and mating habits of the drunkus slutticus, more commonly known as the urban party girl. What the girls didn't see coming—not even the one who casually relates the time she totally forgot about the hookup-dampering tampon she was harboring—was that Dr. Drew himself was on hand for a Dr. Drew® Intervention™. With him, his lovely assistant Mary Carey, who saw in these troubled, ladies-of-the-ladies'-night a version of her own, formerly hammered self. Whether they chose to heed her warnings, fearful of a fate in which they too find themselves regaining consciousness on an unfamiliar bathroom floor (a scenario rendered all the more disconcerting once you crawl out of the stall and notice the row of urinals lining the wall) is really up to them. [Tyra]

Hidden in Fortune editor Andy Serwer's stream-of-capitalism blog was this nugget: Slide CEO Max Levchin will soon wed longtime girlfriend Nellie Minkova. Minkova, pictured here with Levchin, works at Clarium Capital Management, the hedge fund of Peter Thiel, Levchin's cofounder at PayPal. For more of Minkova, see this excerpt from a New York Times video where she discussed domestic life with a boyfriend who works 18 hours a day:

If we can rely on American Idol for one thing, it's to witness some of our favorite pop and rock standards get mutilated in increasingly graphic and elaborate ways, like some nubile brunette exchange student wandering unwittingly into an Eli Roth movie. It was Jason Castro who delivered last night's purest moment of armrest-clutching terror, an aural torture in two acts that first required him to channel Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," apparently as interpreted by a special-needs monkey. Predictably, the performance inspired some extra-vicious critiques from Simon Cowell. (We were a little surprised, however, that none of the take-downs involved the term "dredful," or his envy of the sheriff's sweet, silencing fate.)

Loud, shouty, occasional magician Penn Jillette was on MSNBC, talking about politics. Why? It's unclear. He had some misogynistic anti-Hillary joke that became a YouTube thing a while back. Now the joke is old and tired (like HILLARY CLINTON, right??) but Penn dutifully repeated, along with his claim that the fact that the joke went over so well with his crazy audience meant Hil was doomed from day one. He doesn't really seem to think that says anything too terrible about the nation, but whatever. Point is: arbiter of civility Joe Scarborough disapproved. And sad Mika Brzezinski said only, "I don't like that." Clip attached.

· You just never know what you're going to get on The Martha Stewart Show. Today: We make our own herb garden kits. And later, Glenn Close recalls the time she was buried alive with her husband! Wait—what? [Martha]
· Good news, everyone! Star Jones is dating again. (Or has a snappy-dressing driver/assistant/bodyguard.) And! Is looking sassy. [Bossip]
· Tina Fey is the most adorable anti-film-piracy figurehead since Lucky and Flo. (And we're not comparing her to a labrador retriever. We just think she's cute.) [ONTD]
· Talk Sex with Sue Johanson is ending its six-year run on Oxygen? But where else are we going to get straight-up advice from someone who resembles our sixth-grade English teacher on the proper use of a double-headed dildo? [AP]
· Photobombing is our new favorite pranktivity. And of all the photobombs collected here, this one of a guy shoving a fat finger up his nose while Wilmer Valderrama tries to look like the man with three hot chicks on his arm is our very favorite. [listoftheday]

Even though zombified Whitney and scandal-plagued Audrina didn't have much to teach us on last night's wisdom-packed episode of The Hills, Spencer, Heidi and Lauren blew our minds with life lessons we'll carry with us forever. And despite not saying anything that even remotely resemebled wisdom, it must be said that Justin Bobby, with his new haircut, has officially reignited our Bad Boy Crush phase. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer worked her magic to present the episode's most eye-opening moments, which we've broken down into three essential bits of knowledge:


1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs.

A torrent of emotion flooded Harpo studios today: Raw! Real! Emotion! as Barbara Walters laid herself open for all to see on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah, having gotten the distinct whiff of platelet-deficient blood, went directly in for the kill, insisting the 78-year-old sexual diarist divulge all the backstabbing goings-on at The View during the tumultuous period beginning with Star Jones's expulsion via medieval catapult, through to Rosie O'Donnell's Infamous Reign of Bipolar Terror. Walters goes on to paint a fascinating psychological portrait of the latter, who, robbed at a young age of her own mother, was cursed to a never-ending, Jungian search for her replacement. Anything could have set this emotional house of cards tumbling; in this case, it ended up being Donald Trump's "fat ugly face" material and Elisabeth Hasselbeck's unflappable patriotism that eventually snuffed the illusion that, all these years later, Rosie had found home. [Oprah.com]

· Dat Phan, who you may or may not recall as the Season 1 winner of Last Comic Standing, will be performing his stand-up set at The Improv tonight.
· AFI's Music Documentary Series is nearing the end of its six week run at the ArcLight tonight. We'd love to tell you what they're showing, but alas, the ArcLight's website contains no info. Anyway, what would life be if we never took any chances?
· And if it's music that you're looking for (or, as Molly McAleer describes, a night out with your "homies" and a few "brewskis"), might we suggest checking out The Heavy at Cinespace?

In 1960, American author and member of the designated ruling class Gore Vidal wrote a little play about how his good friend John Kennedy managed to fuck over intelligent wimp Adlai Stevenson and gain control of the Democratic party (and eventually the presidency). The play was called The Best Man, and it was made into an entertaining (and out of print) movie of the same name in 1964. It's the story of a hotly contested fight for the nomination that goes down to the wire, and all the smears and dirty tricks that make this country great. Do you see the parallels? DO YOU SEE? Well, they're actually kinda tenuous and not that informative, but it's a gripping little movie. Here's a clip, taken from a '90s BBC documentary on Vidal.

Last night brought us the always anticipated The Bachelor reunion show, and while it didn't come close to reaching the dramatic heights of last season's stunning confrontation between hunky-faced Brad Womack and the shunted women he so callously tossed aside like used bedside facial tissue, it did feature some satisfying moments. Absent from the proceedings was finalist Shayne Lamas, scion of the Lamas Family Acting Dynasty, who, despite what her father might tell you, is truly, madly, deeply in love with What's-His-Face from London Town.

The people who really matter — Yahoo shareholders — are angry about the way Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang handled negotiations with Microsoft. But there are angry Yahoo employees, too. Problem is, top Yahoo management doesn't seem to want to hear from either group. Watch this excerpt from Tech Ticker as Yahoo president Sue Decker dismisses Yahoo dissenters as people who are "tired and feeling late stages in their career."

WHEREAS, Walt Disney Pictures has made available online this week its trailer for the animated/live-action film Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and

Yahoo chairman Roy Bostock told reporters that shareholders supported Jerry Yang's decision to refuse Microsoft's bid for the company, even when it reached $33 per share. But yesterday, major shareholders Bill Miller and Gordon Crawford — who combined control about 13 percent of the company — said they did not agree with the way Yang handled negotiations. In this excerpt from Yahoo's own Tech Ticker, Sarah Lacy asks Yahoo president Sue Decker, "Who are these institutional shareholders who are supporting $37, $38 per share? Can you shed any light on that?" Watch as Decker explains that what Bostock really meant is that Yahoo's board supports Yahoo's board, which only really ever told shareholders about Microsoft's $31 per share offer. "And that's the end of the story."

Last night on not so crazy exciting television, The Hills mumbled on toward next week's finale. The penultimate episode of the MTV "reality" soap was about home and the pulling apart of things; relationships, friendships, and familial bonds were all torn slightly asunder as the sun continued to slowly broil our friends to a (hopefully) inevitable crisp. Heidi accepted new responsibilities at her fake PR/events job, which would take her to Las Vegas a lot (on a fancy private jet, no less) and away from sour old Spencer. The be-sweatpanted layabout further bitched at his sister, who kindly requested that he stop sleeping on her couch. Understanding that the cameras follow the women on this show, he returned to Heidi's condo, hoping for continued air time, only to find it empty. He sat there lonely and, I'm sure, hungry. But bluer still was poor Audrina.

It's amazing to watch a show wildly redeem and practically reinvent itself in one night. The episode, written brilliantly by Paul Sciarrotta (seems to be his first episode!), was funny and suspenseful and, um, downright shocking at the end. (Well, as shocking as a network television show about dopey teenagers can get). The jokes! The Waverly Inn! Page Six! Tinsley Mortimer! Sciarrotta, a Georgetown alum, seems to know his pop-ish topical New York stuff, something the show was sorely missing. And what else? Gays! Bitchiness! And, um, murder?

· We have a solution to the global energy crisis: harness Patricia Heaton's mouth! (We especially like the stormy thought-bubble over Barbara Walter's head reading, "Wrap it up, you long-winded hag." Nice touch!) [The View]
· Were you, like us, expecting Disney Hall to transform into a giant, Iron Man-pulverizing, mechanized beast? Oh well. There's always the sequel. [Curbed LA]
· Finally, we get confirmation of the "Mr. Big Kicks-It" rumor that has been plaguing our dreams for months. The truth is...Mr. Big...definitely doesn't...not...live! Maybe! [USAToday.com]
· And finally: George Clooney rocking a tux the way a tux was meant to be rocked. [Faded Youth Blog]

Like an Iconoclasts that thanks you for the add, MySpaceTV's Artist on Artist pits star vs. star in a Battle Royale of Big Ideas and Mutual Tucheslecking. The only loser? You! See if you can pin the following quotes from Diablo Cody and John Cusack's recent Artist on Artist pairing to the appropriate speaker. To heighten the difficulty level a bit, we've also thrown in a few quotes from beloved TV landscape artist, Bob Ross:

As we briefly mentioned in this space on Friday, we are switching up the way we are delivering our daily To Do's to you, the loyal Defamer reader. While we will continue to list that evening's event list in print, we thought it might add a little somethin' somethin' to have Defamer's resident videotrix, Miss Molly McAleer, present the items to you in video form. Somedays, like today, she'll be shooting them from the comfort of her secret lair, which rests high above the Hollywood Hills (if you recognize her room, that's because it doubled for Tony Stark's bachelor pad in Iron Man). On other days, though, she'll be taking the show on the road, where she'll be in search of the most (or perhaps the least) majestic place from which to relay to you that day's To Do's. So, with that in mind, please enjoy the debut installment of our brand new feature! (Event listings follow after the jump.)

I'm addicted to watching Rube Goldberg machines, maybe because they represent the misspent effort that characterizes my life. Here are my thirteen favorites (there are, oh god, so many more on YouTube), including the classic Honda ad, a chain of chemical reactions, a machine in the forest, and a compilation of all those cute ones from the Japanese kids' show Pythagora Switch.